Open Letter to the next Mr. Myer.....

Dear Mr. Myer,
I have been injected with a dose of "heart-on-my-sleeve" potion and needed to get this out of my head before I reverted back to my guarded, got-it-all-under-control style. So this is an open letter about romance to the next future Mr. Myer.

A movie I just watched said "when your heart has been broken or mangled it grows back even bigger". That must be what I feel. This pain in my chest is my heart growing bigger.

I have never had a great Valentines day. N.E.V.E.R. It's amazing when I think back over the years of all the attempts that were made and ended up half-assed. For example; receiving roses on the 16th, or the 17th. Going on "double dates" with my guys best friend and his loser, winey girlfriend is not my idea of romantic. Having the waitress hit on my boyfriend during dinner because they clearly know each other for some reason or another. I hate those stooopid cards where they show two little kids kissing or holding hands, but for some reason those I have dated GIVE THEM TO ME. That tells me they dont know me very well. They also give me candy - booooorring!

I'd really like someone to go out of their way on my behalf to be romantic and put some thought into what might just impress me. Surprise me, embarass yourself, make a scene, put yourself out on a limb. I love that. Remember that I love Peter Frampton and have him join us for dinner. ha ha. Ok, ok, if that is too much make dinner reservations in a place we have to get on a plane to get to - and during dinner sit next to me, not across the table from me. Have a plan and lastly dont make me pay for dinner cause your credit card bounced. It really kills any romantic thoughts I may have toward you.

I can assure you I will go out of my way to romance you. That is if I am in love with you. I have killed myself to get tickets to already-sold-out-shows and sporting events for previous chumps I have been in love with. I have cooked difficult, gourmet dinners only to have my dude show up late and too tired to participate. I have wrangled myself into fancy outfits thinking they would be excited and been told they WERE TOO TIRED.

I often hear "you must have tons of guys chasing you down" which I wish more than anything were true. Men in their 60's hit on me, in part I believe because they arent afraid of being rejected anymore. Sometimes there are a couple of interesting ones, but there is very seldom one that I find HOT and SMART and admirable. One that makes me laugh and laugh, one who has razor sharp wit and isnt afraid to use it on me.

Dont be afraid of me, or intimidated I am just smart and full of goals I want to achieve. Grab my hand when we are walking and pull me up against you so I can feel your breath. Lean in close to me, about 90% as "Hitch" would say and smell my hair. Help me slow down as I live my life too fast. Insist on helping me with something even though I will resist due to my rediculous feminist independence.

Above all, give me roses on the 14th of February - not the 16th or 17th. Or a week after.

Comprende?
Flydi

Halloweeny

Ok, I know, enough with the Halloween stuff - but I forgot to put this on my site! Soooo sorry! I am not the creator of this, it's simply brilliant though. I dont know where this is, etc etc. I just loved it.

Thanks to J.Crew for the hottest man on earth

No jacket required, or clothes for that matter. Oh my god, this model on the J.Crew website could very well be the hottest man on earth. He's the hottest thing I have ever seen. Thank you for discovering him J.Crew, AND for putting him in a puffer jacket so he looks like he's the hardy noreaster type.

Who is this guy? Not because I am goint stalk him but you dont just end up on J.Crew your first time out of the gates as a model. And, yes I am objectifying him quite a bit but HE CHOSE to be a model, therefore he knew what would happen when the ladies saw him. He knows he's hot. Sort of like me choosing to be in sales and getting upset when I have to make a cold call. ha ha.

Halloween. Mooooo.

The mother in me

Boy am I ever a mom! My child has grown, much to my amazement. This picture is a year old, and I was just noticing how much of a baby he USED TO BE. So much hype centers around all of the things that can go wrong, things that you can DO wrong as a new mom and - quickly now - RUSH OUT TO THE STORE AND BUY THIS NEW WIDGET to make sure you dont fuck up your child. It's rediculous what "we" (I am in advertising, so I am guilty of doing this) do to new parents. Regardless, I survived the first two years and was just noticing that my child now converses with me.


He says the following:

"Sit down! mom." - very similar to the way I instruct our black lab to "sit down!"

"Here mom."

"you ok? you ok mom?" - usually after I have stubbed my toe and swore in front of him

"what mom?" - this is brand new.

This is after I ask him "do you want to go downstairs and get in the car and go to school and sing songs and color?" hahah. I am just trying to see if he gets all of it.

Lastly, when did he start calling me "mom"? It used to be mommie. In this picture he was calling me just that. Before that it was my favorite, momma.

Hartsfield Jackson Airport Update

Was I not just telling you guys about how romantic it is to have a guy waiting for you at the airport? Was I not just telling you how that hasnt happened to me, in about ...well EVER?

I got to the top of the good ol' escalators in Hartsfield Jackson Airport around 1pm on Wednesday when an unmistakble "DIANE!" was heard. Everyone heard it. I was so shocked I thought "I definately heard my name. there's no doubt someone just screamed my name. who the hell could it be?". I wheeled around, and glanced at the large crowd and finally noticed my friend and former co-worker from Boston, Paul standing there, beaming. Now it made NO SENSE that it would be him, of ALL people. He lives in Vermont. I havent seen him in 3 years!!
I almost cried as I hugged him.

Turns out he is intown for a seminar thing for his work and just happend to be at the airport waiting to pick up people and head off to his hotel. I just happened to be LATE thanks to Delta and the 30 something jets in line ahead of us to take off from Laguardia that same morning.

Apparently a friend of Paul's snapped a picture of the whole scene at the top of the escalators. I will post it as soon as I get it.
:)

Halloween 2005

Please note the use of the green Crayola crayon. Such a helper!

If you are a guy, do this for a girl at least once in your life.

Listen up men. Esquire magazine (which I read on the plane earlier today) had a little blurb about some things girls like written by the "mom" star of the show Gilmore Girls. I don't watch tv, or this show but have been told that Sebastian Bach actually plays a pizza delivery guy on the show. WOO HOO. Ok so back to the point here. This actress gives a short list of things girls like, and one of them read "pick us up from the airport". BINGO. Airports are romantic. I don't know ONE girl who doesn't secretly wish her man, or in my case "a" man, is standing there at the top of the escalator, waiting for her with flowers. Or even better, a sign with her last name on it.

I fly all the time. Several times per month in fact. I eagerly turn on my phone when I land after 4 or 5 hours in the air hoping for the "beeeeeeep!" sound signifying that someone missed me while I was traveling. Nope. Not lately. Tonight I turned on my phone and there was no message, no emails, no nuthin. "Fucking blackberry, must be something wrong with it." I muttered to myself, worried deep down that I was actually wrong and that the horrible truth was that NO ONE MISSED ME. I stared at the screen, watching the little data arrows go back and forth getting my hopes up and then nuthin. The clock changed to 7:41 though. I had a sinking feeling inside. I fought it hard, and tried to remind myself that the opposite was much worse (being married to a controlling, insecure stalker-type who used to leave 4,5,6 messages for me) and that I would have to get used to this alone shit.

Riding the escalator in Hartsfield is like a giant dose of anticipation. They are long escalator and at the top is where the huge crowds stand to meet their long lost loves, family members, etc. They are held back by ropes and there is a line of folks in the front that continues down the side towards baggage claim all holding signs with names on them. I wonder if this is how it kind of feels like to be a celebrity, with people kept away from you by ropes and barricades. Now, I realize that most of these signs are from limo services picking up business travelers - but still, I know guys who are hilarious and balsy and I encourage them to make their own signs and stand there with them and see what happens.

Atlanta is a GIGANTIC airport. I have never seen a bigger airport. In fact, it is the world's busiest and claims to have shuffled over 85 million people in 2004. That's a whole lot of signs!

Anyway. Boys, if you are reading this make an effort to pick your sweetie up at the airport. Don't be late. Be very early and stand there at the top of the escalator - even if she does this all the time, and wait for her. She will love it.

flydi

A medley of my Match.com responses

I just couldn't help it. I HAD to cut and paste some of the emails I have received from these men. There is just so much good content for me to delve into here. In order for this to make sense I have to cut and paste what my profile on match.com says.
Here it is:

"Please for the love of god have a sense of humor! Don't just email me and not read this, cause if you voted for Bush or define yourself as a "good Christian" we are not a good fit. The word "liberal" is not an insult, it is a way of life and I like those that think about how their life effects others and the world they live in. "

Ok so it's a bit harsh, but at least it's honest and is working to scare away the guys who want to take me to church or shut-up as they talk about how hard it is for white men to succeed in this country. Anyway, here are some of the responses my profile has received lately:


1."XM sucks try Sirius ... much better programming!
Hey Bush aint so bad.... entertaining to watch try and give a speach, if nothing else! later...
your good Christian friend who voted for Bush.."

Now this is just plane stupid. I love XM radio. Sirius has 1/5th of the subscribers that XM has, why would you send this to me?

2. "Actually, I did vote for Bush, but everyone was yelling "Hurry up dude! Just pick one!". I also just lost 5 lbs. and broke a sweat when I read your profile, it kinda scared the hell out of me :)!

An excellent email! It sums up why I think Bush won in the first place, considering most people don't know WHY they voted for him and tend to make up shit like "I want to feel safe in my country". So this means you think he's improving our international "friendships" to prevent us from being attacked? Huh. Time to turn off Bill O'Reilly and learn some shit folks.

3." I voted for Bush..the diifference between a liberal and a conservative is that I respect your opinion and who you voted for but being a typical narrow minded, attacking, no solution to anything liberal, well, I'm not surprised...

I luv ya'

:-)"

Ok fine. So as a good conservative do you also respect my HUMAN FEMALE RIGHTS to CHOOSE what's best for my body, overall health and safety? Do you think it's ok for YOU to decide what laws should be enforced for me, as a woman, even though you cant comprehend childbirth? I wont be surprised if you have no answer to this, or even a solution.

4. I am a god fearing good Christian and hold George W. Bush as my personal savor. Jesus, at this point is one step below how I feel about W. And I believe we should bomb the French, the Pacific Ocean (because of Katrina) and force all liberals to wear an L on their shoulder. Amen. YouÂ’re a weird chick, engaging in those weird sports with spandex and number written all over your body. You shouldnÂ’t have any contradictions in your life, either believe in Jesus or your savor George W. and if you have any doubts, just listen to this tapes I have of Cheney speeches with Condoleesa interludes, itÂ’s peach.

This is so damn funny I had to write back to him. "bomb the Pacific Ocean"??!!! BRILLIANT!!

5. "Oh yeah, one more thing - I HATE the Patriots...."

This is from a Pittsburgh fan who just cant get over the fact that they arent SUPERBOWL CHAMPIONS. loser!


*sigh* I will prevail. One of these days a post will flow from fingers and be full of "I cant believe it, he is just perfect!". I will not let this southern town bring me down. I will not submit to your god-fearing ways and start wearing a bonnet to assuage your fears of my independence. no way jose.

flydi

Mario Andretti's got nuthin on me!

Yesterday I beat out the men and women I work with at Mario Andretti's adult go-kart track. Here's the link:

http://andrettikarting.com/

There is no better feeling for me than beating men at a machismo, testosterone-filled events such as racing cars or karts for that matter. I was so jazzed up to get on the track I actually started to get nervous as I sat and waited in a line of karts spewing exhaust. These puppies go 40mph. You have a certain amount of time allotted on the track and you're considered good if you get 13 laps in under 34 seconds each. I did just that, TWICE. My average lap time was 33.7 first time around and then 32.6 in the second heat. I think my co-workers are now afraid of me.

I don't know what comes over me but I refused to loose yesterday. I was a raving lunatic! I hit the gas and wouldn't let up, I passed coworkers on the outside of these snaking "S" turns, I cut them off, I crashed into them, I rammed them. I was a nut. I devised a strategy very quickly: let up on the gas and punch the break causing the kart's rear end to spin around the curve while turning into the slide, JUST LIKE DRIVING IN THE SNOW IN NEW ENGLAND, and then floor it on the gas as you come around the curve. On the big curves you hit them at an angle and just accelerate. And finally, when trying to pass someone, go to their inside and cut them off while you floor it. My heart is pounding just typing this! I was such a nut yesterday! I came in second in the first heat and then flat out refused to loose in the second heat. The second heat was full of my male coworkers who planned to school my girly ass. My fairy godmother was not going to disappoint me, I just knew it. I was afraid, and went "wicked" fast to keep my head above water. I wrestled my Brooklyn friend around a few corners, and would not let him pass me. I got freaken broadsided by another dude and kept going. I really had no idea how I had done, I just knew no one passed me.

Now, folks, I realize I am making a bigger deal out of this than needs to be but it feels so good to BEAT THE BOYS!!! We all made a bet on who would win the second heat. And I made a whopping $5 bucks.

The major question of the day is "Why am I so competitive?".

Simple. I have a twin brother. Anything he did I had to do and I learned very early how great it felt to beat him. I didn't always beat him which only fueled my inferno to strike while hot, immediately.

Fire in the belly!
Flydi

I love Wayne Bradey

Dear Wayne,
You are amazing. Next time you are within 100 feet of me, please PICK ME from the crowd and have me assist you on stage with your "off-the-top-of-your-head" rap comprised of stoopid industry buzz words like ROI and shit. The Direct Marketing Association is not a super interesting group, even though it is comprised of all kinds of ad agencies. YOU made it so much fun.
I have never been so entertained before. BRAVO!!

Also, please star in some upcoming movies. I'd love to have a Christmas special of you and see you surpass Will Smith as a funny actor.

that's all.

flydi

The custody handoff always sucks

Poor little guy. He cried and cried for his dad as we drove away from the parking lot where we did the handoff tonight.
"dadiieeee" he cried over and over, as he covered his face and cried real tears. Makes me feel like complete shit, I tell ya.
However my sweetheart, conservative-yet-awfully-liberal friend gave me a farm themed John Deer tractor toy set to give to him - complete with a rather broad shouldered farmer, a sheep (I am pretty sure we have seen sheep in all of the books we have read together, however this sheep is being called a "rabbit" by my son- I think it's fur is too white), a "horsey", a cow and a pig. All crying stopped when this was presented to him. He wrapped his little arms around it and hugged it. We went shopping at Whole Foods with it, we took a bath with it and he is now currently sound asleep with it in his crib. I cant think of anything I enjoy that much that I want to bring it everywhere, that it cant possibly be out of my grasp for more than a nano second. Well, I can think of something (someone?) but this is a good clean post. :)

I literally just tip-toed into his room to snap this picture of him sleeping with the tractor. It is pitch dark in his room, however the flash made it all possible. As you can see, he is asleep on his stomach with the tractor behind him.

Thank you for the incredibly thoughtful toy and conversation. What a friend I have found in you - even if you voted for Bush, believe we should be at war and don't believe in global warming (inside joke, sorry folks!). My son stopped crying because of you, I stopped feeling bad, guilty and selfish for divorcing his dad and all is now quiet and good on the range here tonight.

20 points for you!

The war of northern aggression

I have just finished watching "Cold Mountain" thanks to Netflix and am now re-enchanted with the idea of true love. My heart is swollen in my chest at the thought of loving someone so deeply again. It's only happened a couple of times for me and for that I am grateful. I am lucky to have had at least those two relationships in my life. It's obvious to me that I mistake my instant chemistry with someone for something more, when it is merely a crush or even worse, lust. This is how I ended up married to a man who thinks the Civil War was not about slavery, and that we "northerners" have been miseducated with our American history.

Someone said to me today , "oh you'll get married again." Her optimism piercing through my facade and warming my soul. It felt good to hear for some reason. Another sentence that struck me was, "he's perfect for you cause he doesn't want to get married". Huh. How interesting.

It is hard to fight back tears when I think of how completely odd and unnatural it is to be a mother and not have my child with me when I am home. These thoughts make me say "I will never get married again". Thoughts derived out of a heartache I fear I will never get used to. A heartache I don't want people to see and try to console me with "I understand". Their intentions are so genuine, but there is no way for them to comprehend how painful this experience is. My child was a gift to me, and I remember feeling so excited at the hospital when he was born over the simple fact that he was mine and I got to take him home and keep him with me. That this joy was not something I would loose, it was not temporary or something I could only enjoy for a moment and then feel jealousy as it was given to someone else. Nope, this little boy was mine. He needed me to survive. Folks, this is true love. Love like I have never felt before.

I have developed some coping skills so far. Traveling for work and training for triathlons. Both are exhausting and rewarding in their own way yet incredibly conniving. I am not sure I do both because I want to, my motives are based out of "have to" or I might sit here and erode away like a sand castle built too close to the water. Time alone without my son is the loneliest time. Let me be clear that a break from a whilrwind toddler is much different. A break is brief and has no legal document stating when you can start and when you can stop being apart from your child. A break is relief. This time apart can not be classified under the same category.

Like I always do, I suck it up. I dust myself off and don the "such is life, keep breathing, things could be worse, etc" speal that keeps my sanity from slipping away from me. I daydream about being married to a man I find incredibly funny, sexy and gentle. One that reads to BOTH me and my son. One that let's me be me and encourages me to be more. One that knows his American history for christ sake!

**picture is of me, my dog and my little son sleeping....a long time ago.

For those who have ADHD and don't care, I salute you!

That's right, all your ADHD maniacs out there raise your hands for today we are getting mad props for our hyperactive brains! MSN.com has an article on their site today about "The Upside of ADHD".

Check it out: Enthusiasm, Empathy and High Energy Among Traits the Disorder Carries
By Marilyn Lewis for MSN Health & Fitness

http://articles.health.msn.com/id/100109339?GT1=6997


I was diagnosed with ADHD back in 1995, put on Adderrall and promptly sat still or slept. That was about it. I would sleep for about 12 hours or more, straight! I don't even sleep more than 6 or 7 now cause I got shit to do! It's time to wake up and go DO stuff. I clearly remember sitting at the table with my fellow waitstaff coworkers through out our entire pre-shift dinner. I continued to sit in my chair after everyone had left. I stared out the window. I was repeatedly asked "are you alright Di?" by all kinds of folks. After my shift ended, I noticed a significant difference in my tips. I had made about $30 bucks less than usual, and the night was a busy one. I strolled down through the mall, got on the train and fell asleep on the D line. In all my life I had never fallen asleep on the T! I couldn't stay awake to save my life.

I stopped taking Adderall and bounced back. My energy came back, I guess you could say I "got my wits about me". You don't HAVE to take medication, you just have to adapt. I am used to forgetting things now, and those who know me I am sure have their own commentary to provide on this subject BUT my main point is that I am successful in my job because I have ADHD. On more than one occasion I have had to think on my feet, generate an idea, breathe life into a room of pessimists. Today's article describes the CEO of Jet Blue, who fortunately makes enough cake to hire a personal assistant and an accountant to keep track of everything. I can afford my Blackberry. I have trained myself to input important things like appointments, phone numbers and names of songs, books and movies I will never remember on my own.

What's even better is the Ty Pennington in the spokesperson for Aderrall! The ads for the drug keep coming up as I read this ADHD article with his gorgeous picture on them.

Thank you Marilyn for writing this sentence "Instead of only focusing on the difficulties posed by ADHD, today, the upsides are likely to be noted, too: the quick-wittedness, the speedy grasp of the big picture and the great enthusiasm for nearly everything. These traits make ADHDers endearing and simultaneously exasperating. ".....in bed. sorry. bad joke.

Lastly, Tom Hartmann writes "People with ADHD “may instead be our most creative individuals, our most extraordinary thinkers, our most brilliant inventors and pioneers,” writes Hartmann in his 2003 book The Edison Gene: ADHD and the Gift of the Hunter Child. He posits that the people with ADHD may carry genetically coded abilities that once were, and may still be, necessary for human survival and that contribute richness to the culture. "

Your damn right we do. Look at these words, I am twirling around in them like a little girlExtroardinaryry thinkers, brilliant inventors, pioneers, genetically coded abilities, human survival, richness of culture. I am going to hold this article like a baby kitten.

upDate on dating

Hmmm... you men are starting to be a bit more impressive these days. I am withholding my amazement somewhat here, but as of recent I have met some cool dudes. It's become obvious to me that as a single mom I have to be "extra hot". I cant just be cute, or pretty. It's gotta be much more than that. Boy they have no idea how much there is! ha ha. Ok so back to the subject here.

I have also been hit on and didn't realize it. Let me fill you in:

There is such a range in personality types, ages and experiences here. For storytelling purposes and privacy (somewhat) I will call them "young guy", "NYC guy" and "cali guy". Young guy arrived via an add I had placed to rent out my house and low and behold one of those completely unexpected yet pleasant surprises occurred. I opened the door while wearing sweaty workout clothes to a tall, handsome young man with a great smile. I guessed he was about 24? I am still not sure really, but WHO CARES. Young guy also drives a bright red brand new camaro (minus 10 points) - which made me laugh, please see my previous post about what kind of car I wish I could be. Anyway, he rents the house and suggests we take our dogs to the dog park or go out for a drink and lastly he offered to help me move. That adds up to three attempts at spending time with me, which I doubted as being hit on. That is until I told my girlfriends. I may just take him up on all three of these offers. After all I am SINGLE, which means I can do these things. OH, I forgot to mention how my son tipped over an old plant while we sat on my front porch, and threw a handful of dirt at him. Awesome. He laughed and brushed it off of him (5 points!).

Ok, so NYC guy is by far the most interesting. He and I have been emailing, sort of - and agreed to have dinner when I was in NYC for work. I was so tired from all the traveling I had been doing that week and had no interest in leaving my cozy hotel room the night we were to go out. I pulled my shit together and got all dolled up and met him in the lobby of the hotel I was staying in. We walked everywhere, which I loved, and he told me all kinds of fun goofy stories about his career and life. In particular he describes landing a Levi's ad because of his unique talent to clap his hands at the same time he makes an "O" with his mouth, making a hollow sound. He can perform all kinds of songs this way! There has to be some way to incorporate this skill in bed, I am convinced. And here we go - right into the gutter! ta-dah! It only took me 200 words or so to get here. We had dinner then strolled over to a bar where he tells me about his singing skills. Now, most guys who think they can sing cant, but I was a little curious since he was actually cast in a Broadway show. I had no fucking idea, until today, just how good a singer this man is! This guy has got a pair of pipes that are even out on CD, one you can buy on Amazon.com. I am so impressed I am awarding him 10 points for it. This is the type of guy you date, he's real, he lives his life and dreams and takes it all in. But he lives in NYC.

Lastly is Cali guy. My first real "older man". A pilot no less who rides his bike hundreds of miles while listening to easy rock and romantic songs. He and I met online and actually met in person while I was in LA for work. He flew in to meet me, which I will give him 5 points for. Boy, when I opened the door and saw him I was so excited and nervous which never happens to me. We laughed and joked around like we had known each other for months, not to mention the obvious physical attraction. This experience felt like a violent tornado, and I wrapped my arms and legs around the nearest tree and held on so I wouldn't get swept away into a high school-like crush. After all, a fit, tall, handsome guy like him? c'mon ladies - he's good, but he's 16 years older than me and never been married. That screams something - I don't know what - but it should be noted. So far he's been a lot of fun and yes, he called me the next day. But he lives in California.

I think I am purposely seeking out men I cant possibly have a serious relationship with. I mean NYC & California?? Long distance sucks, especially when you are falling for them and you just want a hug without getting on a plane to do so. Dating is a lot of work, eventually it's your turn and the dating god throws you a bone. Considering the pile of tools I have met over the past year - these three are a whole different ball game. More than anything I think it's a sign of growth for me. Maybe I have managed to inch the low-lying standards bar up a bit higher? I attribute a lot to the confidence I have gained from the triathlons. I feel better about myself in a "shit ya I did TWO triathlons, what chu got to offer, huh?" kind of way.

Blackberry Jam

It is easy to get caught up in your own life, prioritizing mundane things over time with those who care about you. That's just how life is. I have had the great fortune of having a best friend, whom I grew up with for over 24 years now. There's nothing I can compare that kind of bond to. She is more than a sister to me, more than a "buddy" and more than a "best friend". I admire and respect her like no other, and I am flattered that she calls me her best friend. In fact I am relieved she does. I am surprised still that she gets choked up when she talks about how much she cares about me. Surprised that someone I adore and admire so much cares so much for me.

everyone needs someone in their life whom they can be themselves with and still be loved just the same. she may not always like everything I do, but she doesnt hold it against me. It's important as women to have nurturing relationships that support each other and provide strength in all that we face.

recently my best friend was mailed a jar of homemade blackberry jam from her brother. As I watched her open the package and realized what it was, I started crying. This one jar of jam brought back all of childhood experiences with her, riding bikes, picking blackberries, playing on the massive stone wall behind my house. Years of friendship, barbies, hair-dos and boys. Years of trust and unconditional love. Her brother had picked the berries from the same bushes and made jam, just like our mothers did - and he mailed it to her, with no card. It didnt need one.

She and I grew up across the street from each other. We both had blackberry stands, and would "compete" on price - however our road was busy enough that we could do well regardless. We also had blackberry fights! We would pluck the big juicy ones and throw them at each other, staining our clothes.

blackberries remind me of the cool summer evenings when we would twirl around in my back field, looking at the evening sky with the just-about-setting-sun. Fireflies were everywhere. Bats darted about in the twilight. The peepers and crickets and soft wet grass.

What great memories!

My second triathlon

Alright. Hold the phones. This triathlon was a lot harder!! Jesus! I flew out to Portland Oregon to see my long lost bad-ass-plays-sports-like-a-man friend, who joined me in a triathlon. When I signed up for this race, it didnt occur to me that I was going to be in an "outdoorsy" area, where people work out all the time unlike Georgia where people drive all the time.

At any rate, I again did not swim well. I swam better than the last time but I still dont get it. I swim all the time in the warm, calm, relaxing pool at the Y. It should be no problem to swim in the Columbia river right?

Once I swam through seeweed, I ran up the beach to my borrowed bike. My previous bike experience was awesome so I fully expected to just kick ass. Well, ass was kicked and it was the hills that did the kicking. What a hard race!

The main point to make is the psychological bullshit my brain does to me. Every inch of me wanted to get off my bike (burning quads have that affect) - but you have to keep going. When I started training back in May I made a couple rules with myself that no matter what I had to:
1. finish
2. never get off the bike

This was tough, I questioned why the hell I was doing these endurance sports. After all what point am I trying to make here? However the finish line has a way of cheering you up for days, weeks even. There are no words to describe this feeling, even though I am trying. As cheesy as it sounds, you really can do it. I never thought I could. It wasnt possible in my brain and now I am addicted to it.

So with two triathlons down I am done for the season. ha ha. No really I am. Now I get to train my tail off so I can whoop some serious ass in March.

The glass is half empty today

It's gorgeous and sunny outside and I am in my pajamas still, working from home. With all of this running I have been doing my left ankle is really bothering me today so I opted for the safe route and am icing it. Deep down though this ankle pain seems as though it is seeping out of my heart and into other body parts to get me to pay attention. I have good days, great days and lonely days. Today is the latter of the three, where I seem to have lost my grip on the "everything is going to be alright" line and am slipping into the "oh my god, my life is too hard". Which it really isn't. I have my health, a healthy child, a roof over my head. I am not swimming through feet of water due to a hurricane. But man, this single parenthood is an empty lonely place. My older friends call it "trailblazing", when you are the first in your group of friends to: get married, buy a house, have a baby, get divorced, etc. I have done all of that already, all on my own warp-speed of living and it has left me empty in a way I am finding hard to describe. Having done all of this, it still isn't enough.

This is a good "I want my mom" day. A day where someone says "everything is going to be alright", and I can blubber words through tears and not feel ashamed for the dumb choices I have made. Where I can laugh at how pathetic I am even though I feel like a pancake on the sidewalk that no one is noticing. Most of this loneliness is my own fault. I tend to make sure people think I am a tough cookie and that "I am fine" when I am truly quite the opposite.

In my next life I want to be a 68 Camaro.

I sort of believe in reincarnation. And with that said, in my next life I want to come back as a 68 Camaro. A red one with metallic-fleck-type paint job. OOh and racing stripes. If I were a car I would be THIS car. Hopefully there is an 8-track of Van Halen's "Aint Talkin' Bout Love" permanently jammed in the deck and stuck on repeat, too.

Think about it. This car is BADASS. It's gorgeous. It turns heads. It hauls ass. People respect it. MEN respect it. It always has a place in the garage. It burns rubber, leaving mere mortals in a cloud of smoke. The engine rumbles. It has a story to tell, and stories yet to be discovered.

Ladies, what kind of car would you be??

I have kept my child alive for 2 whole years!

I got up at 5AM in Austin Texas today, and in between 5AM and now I have had numerous conference calls, emails, plane rides, bus rides and car rides. On top of which I also baked a cake ( I couldn't bring myself to buy the cake too! I do have some motherly instinct in me), bought and wrapped presents, went grocery shopping, decorated my dining room and ordered pizza.

Now I am sitting here reflecting on this exact moment, 2 years ago. It's hard not to think of how far you have come. I mean 2 years ago at 9:49 PM I was pushing my son out of my body. This pushing experience brings back memories of huge veins popping out of my forehead as I tried to hold the push-pose for an 8 count. My eyes felt swollen in their sockets and with each push I swore one was going to burst. And now, I am sitting here comfortably, healthy, happy for the most part - so far from even a remote chance of being pregnant. At times I amazed I made it through the hazing phase of motherhood when I was so sure I wasn't going to.

I was very recently in Austin Texas and came across the weirdest sign. It read, and I kid you not "Jamie's is a breastfeeding friendly restaurant!". I promptly took out my camera and snapped a picture of it to share with you all. What the HELL KIND OF MARKETING IS THAT?? I don't want to see anyone breastfeed while I eat my dinner! I am all for the discrete nursing mom who drapes a blanket over her and you don't really notice - but please please please don't whip your naked milk-engorged boob out while I am eating! yuck.

Later on this evening, I proudly brought out my son cake while singing happy birthday to him. His cousins chimed in, and I was amazed to hear him singing along too! How cool! THEN HE BLEW OUT HIS OWN CANDLES. I didn't know he knew how to do that. We have only had one other time to practice this! My twin brother caught my expression on my face immediately after he did it.

Enjoy.
nighty night.
Flydi

wow!

I ate a toy one night

A few years ago, as a 3-week old bride I ate a toy in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. No lie. My x-husband and I went to Virginia to visit his Uncle and family on our way down from Boston. We had packed up his explorer with all my stuff and drove there. His teenage cousin graciously offered us her room to sleep in while we stayed with them. I forgot all about this until today while I was shopping at a toy store and came across a clear plastic bin of the exact toy I ate. It all came flooding back.

Now, this is the first time I meet these people and I pull the weirdest stunt of my ever-lovin' life?????? *sigh* Enjoy the details!

Ok, so I was dreaming of a butler passing a tray of semi-circular dark chocolates by my face with a very serious sense of urgency. Eating one of these chocolates was a life or death situation for me, so I slipped my pointer finger under the chocolate and popped it into my mouth. During this dream I remember feeling my hand brush against the hardwood floor next to the bed I was sleeping in. I faintly remember putting something in my mouth and biting it, chewing it as it's brutally bitter taste flooded my tastebuds. In a daze I pulled a tissue from the box on the nightstand next to the bed and spit out what was left in my mouth. I folded up the tissue and put it on the floor by the bed and drifted off into a deeper sleep.

At some point I woke up due to the horrible taste in my mouth. I started to think about what I had done and couldn't really believe it myself even though I had all kinds of "textured" pieces in my mouth. The taste was so foul I was convinced I had picked up some cat shit and ate it. With this thought consuming my brain, I got up and slipped quietly into the bathroom and smiled into the mirror. Black specks covered my teeth. I brushed my teeth several times and began to wonder what was in the tissue on the floor by my side of the bed. I climbed back into bed and picked up the tissue and could feel that there was indeed something in the tissue. At this point it's about 7 am and I wake up my x-husband.

"Ah, honey I need to tell you something. I did something really weird."

which freaked him out!! man he was wide awake glaring at me as though I slipped out of bed in the middle of the night and slept with the farmer next door. unreal.

anyway, I recapped what I had done and then unfolded the tissue for us both to see just what it was I had tried to eat in the middle of the night. Colored wood, a head I suppose that had two little eyes painted on it lay mangled in my hand with all kinds of splinters and fragments. It was abundantly clear that I had picked up a little wooden toy turtle, the one with the bobbing heads, off of the floor and ate most of it.

Now, what I didn't know until two weeks later was that I was pregnant. Apparently you do weird things when you are pregnant. I haven't stopped doing weird things, but you have to admit that this is really strange!!

Holy shit, I finished.

triathlon

Swim, Bike, Run and then Cry tears of joy

There is no better feeling on the planet than forcing yourself to do something you hate, realizing you don't hate it and that you can in fact suck it up and do it. Let me also mention how great it feels to do something you never dreamed possible. This experience was harder than child birth with the same result at the end. Not exactly the same, but the end result being a type of happiness you cant describe but must experience to understand. I say that child birth was easier because of a couple of things: I was heavily medicated and I had no choice but to give birth. It's not like I could say after 12 hours of labor, that I had had enough and was going home! Oh no. My body was going to have a baby no matter what my brain wanted to do. This triathlon was harder because I had to make myself keep going. If my brain told me to stop, I could . That's the hard part.

This past Sunday I completed the Acworth Women's Triathlon in 1 hour 46 minutes. I have never ever enjoyed running, but I did this time. It was actually the easiest part of the whole experience. The swimming part was complete insanity. Let me start from the beginning, at 4:30 AM

4:30 AM - I awake from my sleep at the lovely Econo Lodge to the sound of an engine that wont turn over outside. Someone swears and slams a rusty door. I sit up, my heart pounding with excitement and grab my blackberry. It reads "4:27 AM" much to my relief. My adrenaline is surging through my body, my hands ache from the nervousness that is building inside of me. Today is the day!

5:00AM - I am now in my $85 dollar Nike bathing suit, applying "Bull Frog" sunblock to my shoulders while eating a power bar. I am now shiny. This sunblock is like a silicone spray, damnit - I look like a pro wrestler now.

5:30AM - my bag is packed, I have ingested some gatorade and STILL cant decide what to wear for the race. Just a bathing suit for the swim and then yank on my padded bike shorts for the bike while - WET? OR wear it all in the water and hop on the bike in no time flat? Hmm. I opt for the complete package so I can increase my speed. (who am I fooling here? I am not here to win, or compete but to simply finish!)

6:00AM - My fabulous friend, Yellow Lightnin', is being wheeled out of my hotel room to be strapped onto the roof rack of the waiting car. I love this bike. I "adopted" it from Decatur Yellow Bike, http://www.dybikes.org/faq.htm and then re-built most of it. Yes, I took every piece apart on this, including the tires, brakes, gears, pedals and seat. Now it is a speed machine with a sticker on it that reads "Adopted". awww.


Ok, so I will hurry this up a bit more. It was dark as we pulled into the park and down to the fog coated lake for the start of the race. Women were everywhere, all different shapes and sizes which I found liberating and exciting! There were the 2% body fat types, there were big girls and there were people 35 years older than I - all here to bring it. sweet.

I walked up to the bike area where they were blasting Earth, Wind & Fire reminding me to enjoy this experience. A woman takes out a permanent marker and draws 449 on both of my shoulders, both thighs and then writes my age on my calf. This was actually a godsend later as I struggled to find the motivation to keep running until I noticed the 57 on the women's calf in front of me. What was my excuse? If she can run so can I, get going!

I stood on the beach in my bathing suit, bike shorts, fluorescent green swim cap and goggles ringing my hands with anticipation. There were over 500 women participating and my group was the last to go. We cheered all the other waves on as they started their swim too. Would men do that?? NO freaken way!


I stood at the back of the pack, hoping I would be somewhat free from the craziness of 100 women diving in at the same time. WRONG. "go!" bellowed from the megahorn and we all dashed into the water. Some started swimming right away, in knee deep water mind you, others piled on top of one another, I found a spot to doggie paddle and tried to calm my own ass down. Water was splashing everywhere, bodies were on top of me, next to me - I couldn't find enough space to put my face in the water and start swimming. Finally enough space opened up and I could lay in the water and stretch out my 5'9 body and go. That is until some loser in front of me flipped over on her back and started doing the backstroke. This particular stroke requires lots of leg propulsion, causing a small rooster tail of water - thus drowning those who are trying to swim directly behind them. Unreal. So I doggie paddled my way to the first buoy. I was so exhausted by the first buoy I seriously doubted why the hell I was doing this race to begin with.
I swam mainly the breast stroke and fought my way through my own lack of oxygen to get to the other side. Everyone cheering makes such a difference! I ran out of the water, stripping my swim cap an goggles off, waved to the camera and bee-lined it to my yellow chariot.

They time you on everything. How fast you swim, how fast you change from swimming to biking, how fast you bike, how fast you change from biking to running and lastly how fast you run. If you aren't constantly thinking "go, go go go!" in your head you are not focused. :) ha ha.

I tossed on my bike helmet, latched it under my chin, drank some gatorade and put my sneakers on. You have to run next to your bike until you cross the bright red spray painted line where you can mount your bike and haul ass. I did just that. My bike was awesome. I peddled up the hill, past all the folks who swam much faster than I and breezed out onto the main road. I wasn't quite sure what had just transpired. All I knew was I was wet, wearing a bathing suit and peddling my butt off! I did this very well for 6 miles, passing more and more people. The entire ride was 13. That feels GREAT. I am sorry but it does!

About the time I finished the bike, my body was in shock. Not for what I had just done but for what I still had to do. A 3.1 mile run. Oy vey. I did it though. I ran the whole way (except for the hill right at the beginning). I charged down toward the finish line, all kinds of people cheering me on into a shower. The showers were brought to us by Hansgrogh (sp?) and what an epiphanic experience! I had finished in under two hours. A medal was draped over my head making me feel like a little girl at her first horse show, and I struggled not to cry in front of my good friend as he handed me a bottle of water.

I am still in shock that I even did this. The past two years have been hell, full of self-doubt, severe illness, homesickness, sleep deprivation, abuse, anger, etc. I haven't done anything for myself like this, ever. I have never consistently put myself and my own needs ahead of anyone else. There's no way to train for a triathlon if you don't. I have pulled myself out of a violent, controlling marriage and proven how strong I am by finishing this. I have triumphed. I am more important to myself as a result. It's ok now, I have myself to rely on and my yellow bike.

triathlon

There are more of us out there

I found Rachel Sara last night: http://www.literarymama.com/columns/goingitalone/
She describes feelings I have felt about being a dating single mom, the "bad girl" side in particular. A side of myself I thoroughly enjoy but curse equally as much.

Here is a snippet for you all:

"This bad girl hasn't been out in a long time. That's what I call her -- "the bad girl" -- even though she's not exactly bad. She's this desperate part of me that wants too badly to feel strong. She makes her most dramatic appearances when I'm feeling out of control, and the only way to calm her is to seek a man and wander into dangerous territory with him. Briefly, when she's in his arms -- in another circumstance, it could almost be mistaken for love -- she's safe and powerful. She can lean over the edge of a cliff, and she knows she will not fall."

Thank you Rachel Sara, that about sums it up.

I also came across the best poem on her site., "Perspective, by Deanna Jones".
http://www.literarymama.com/poetry/archives/000737.html
It describes my 2 year old son perfectly.

I will now go clean up after my tornado two year old.
Flydi

Triathlon training.....

In a matter of days I will embarke on my first triathlon. My body has transformed somewhat which I am rather pleased with. After all I kick my own ass several times per week. What's important here is how I got here. I have to make an effort to do it. My YMCA has a child care center - so my son can play, or rather I can work out while he plays. Fortunately he is such a happy little guy that he actually enjoys it. However, twice I have been so overcome with guilt while riding the stationary bike I had to stop and go get him. After all the poor kid is in day care all day, he spends an hour with me and I drop him back off at yet another day care center? ALL because I am trying to train for a triathlon? Something feels wrong about that inside of me. I recently came up with a better solution though. I time my work out to coincide with the "open swim" hour. I do my 400 yards and race through the locker room and scoop blondie boy up, wrap a bathing suit around him and take him swimming! ta-dah! He loves it.
I float on my back with him on my chest and he pretends to swim. At least it is a temporary patch to my guilt.

So back to my point. I wanted to do a triathlon the day I found out I weighed 205 pounds. Granted I was 9 months pregnant, but still! 205 pounds?!! I spent the first 6 weeks of my sons life going for brisk walks and trying to loose the weight. TOUGH job when you are sleep deprived. In the past two years I have gathered the courage to go through a divorce and fight Grave's Disease. Last summer my body went hyperthyroid on me making me very sick. I lost about 2 pounds a day, and had no strength. I couldnt turn the shower off, or lift a gallon of milk. I also couldnt sleep. My resting heart rate was around 140. This is all behind me now and I am finally stronger than ever. Finishing this triathlon represents an end to an old way of life. A paradigm shift into a whole new life oriented around doing what's best for me, first. I hope I can really grasp onto this and weave this thread through my love life too.

Wonder Woman was also called Diana

Hey, not bad eh? What cha think about that one?! I even have a clock that reads "with eye blurring speed, Di changes into her secret identity of the famous Amazon..."

Aint that the truth! And let me just point out that I have been repressing my famous amazonness. Had I not, I would have ripped a particular dude's head off this past week, tied my truth-telling lasso around him and thwaped him on the head via my high-heeled red boots. Mister platonic friend-guy, mister "I just want to make sure you don't think I am a dog". Oh No sweetie not at all! How could I when you show up at 11 with your clothes for the next day, dump me and then suggest that we become friends with benefits??? All of this just after you ask me to tell you how I feel, where I bravely admit to liking you a lot. No you're not a dog, or a snake - both of which would be an improvement over your current state of narcissism. You're more like the geek from high school who thinks he's cool now, licking the bowl of attention to make sure you didn't miss any. After pondering your valiant efforts to ensure I wasn't mad at you I have drawn the following conclusion; you don't want to feel guilty about indulging yourself in a fling with me that was driven by your insecure ego. NOT MY PROBLEM DUDE! Take your pretty blue eyes and scram.

Ladies, if it walks like an ass, and talks like one it's probably an ASS.

Dating
men

Single motherhood screams serious commitment??????

Jesus. JESUS! I could scream I am so frustrated. Why do you men cease to HEAR my words and continue to draw conclusions off of the societal bullshit that surrounds single mothers?? I don't live in a trailer park, I am not living off of welfare or the random twenties my baby-daddy gives me fo diapers ya know. I don't need you. Let me refresh your memory on grizzly bears. If you happen to come across a female grizzly bear with cubs the odds that you might die in the next 1/2 hour are pretty high. Now, take that same instinctual protectiveness and apply it to me. What makes you think I wouldn't protect my son and be sure to only put him in front of a man who loves his mother, would never hurt him and would only make his life better by being in it? This is not something you learn after 3 dates dude. This is more like a couple years of time together.

(click here to see Grizzlies attack)
http://ad-rag.com/124.php

My dating life is plagued with an underground riptide of fear. You men think I want a serious relationship with you. That my tentacles will wrap around you and drag you into the abyss of obligation and guilt - NEVER TO RETURN. You have come right out and told me this yourselves. THANK YOU for the honesty.

1. You don't know me well enough to assume I want a serious relationship because I have "my son and all"
2. You aren't THAT great a guy to introduce to my amazing, happy child as someone he can get attached to. So get over yourself.
3. How much time do you think I have here?? Enough to actually BE in a serious relationship?

You guys should be more worried about getting along with ME, and if I am into you. Instead you hear "single mom" and start worrying about my clingyness and start imagining riding around in a mini van going to soccer practice or some shit. I don't even want to do that! I want to be seduced during my time-off from mommy duty, I want to escape the sadness of time without my son and forget about the bazillion things I have to take care of before my next business trip. An example would be a relaxing dinner and good conversation. There's a start! Oh yeah, and don't ask me about breastfeeding (see archives) during dinner.

In summary I am not a intentional commitmentphobe. Quite simply I would love to fall in love with someone who doesn't assume doing so would be a burden to him.

single motherhood

Ode to Chemistry

The big ol dating variable comes down to my dear friend mother nature. She gets to determine if I want to rip a guys clothes off or fumble around trying to explain my issue with dating shorter men. I am not good at or used to having chemistry with someone I dont actually get to date. If it exists I go for it. If it doesnt I dont go for it. None of this "let's be friends" and supress our instinctual-urges-to-mate stuff. I am learning though. This might have something to do with the "loves a challenge" part of my brain and therefore I have even bigger issues than I previously thought. My checklist of things a guy must have (OH shut up you all of them!!!) is long and flexible and I was under the impression that I just hadnt met the right combo yet. According to other handsome male-friends of mine I seek out men who arent available, and men who dont compete with me on a career level - then I get bored with them for the same reason. Huh. I wonder. Actually, I disagree. I tend to go on chemistry instead of common sense and have yet to learn how to be attracted to someone where chemistry is null and void. I have tried though. I know a few just-about-perfect guys out there, and OF COURSE I had no interest what-so-ever in seeing them naked. Mother nature be damned! frustrating! Why cant I just re-wire my brain??

I digress. So I am approaching the friends-first, chemistry-second tactic with wide open arms. I dont know what I am doing, though so if you are in this category and reading this please grab me and kiss me so I know what the fuck to do next. When do I put the moves on hot sexy friends? Am I giving them the wrong signal and they think I really want to be "just friends". This is so southern-belle of me cause I prefer to pepper my conversation with lude sexual comments and am constantly shouting out nonsense from the gutter. This is usually ok with friends I dont want to screw. BUT with friends I do want to screw it gets all complicated. I am much more agressive in nature than this. I see something I want, I go get it. Nuff said.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Feminists Unite! wow!

Wow, I posted this on the joint custody site - the subject was about involuntary joint custody. Which I have. I volunteered joint custody with my x so my son would be with both of us.
Here's what I wrote:

Ahh, how many of you are :1. divorced?2. getting divorced?3. parents?4. dealing with join custody yourself?
I highly encourage those who are not actually experiencing the pain of divorce and joint custody to remember just that. As a liberal feminist I cant believe some of the comments on this site - they HAVE to be from folks who dont have children, or an x-spouse or half a brain for that matter. Staying married “for the sake of the kids” is the worst idea ever. Children need to see how to resolve conflict and be given a chance to see their parents happy or at the very least happier. Joint custody may not be the greatest solution, but too many adults put their own needs, wishes, fears, ideals, morals, etc first instead of doing what is best for the children.
Having just gone through a mediated divorce in Georgia and determining a custody schedule with a very difficult x-husband, I found myself wishing that Georgia also had the Maryland “cooling off year”. What a progressive idea! SO much changes in the first year of divorce, custody is tough. So many emotions and a bonafide feeling of loss. It’s not natural to not know if your child is ok or where he or she is!
Custody is difficult no matter how much theory you apply to it. It is infuriating to receive advice on custody from arrogant non-parent experts. I think we should educate and furnish tools to parents on mediating parental differences and continue to offer support as the new custody arrangements begin and develop. As a parent I would love to have someone provide factual information to both my x and I so we can make the best decision for our son.

and someone gave me a shout out! woo hoo!
Rock Writes: July 6th, 2005 at 11:00 pm
The fact is that many men are totally irresponsible and do not support there children; custody or no. Often they are busy with the new family and pay little attention to the kids. It has been the burden of mothers to pick up the slack and do double duty for years as many dads are flakes with no conscience. (Sadly drugs are producing moms that are this way as well.)
Amp is right in that forcing someone into relationships does not make sense. If they are not compelled to care and cooperate and be responsible as they should be anyway, what is forcing them going to do but cause more resentment that generally gets taken out on the kids?
Hats off to Barbara, Lee, Flydi, you definitely have the upper hand in this discussion, I am purly impressed with your patience in the face of blatant ignorance. Blessings.

Joint Custody Rant

I came across this site:
http://www.amptoons.com/blog/archives/2005/05/13/involuntary-joint-custody-is-a-bad-idea/

all kinds of experts, with no children of course, giving advice on joint custody! the nerve!

Happy 4th!

Everybody Loves An American Girl, right?

And most American girls have loved everyone. ha ha haha.

I am sorry folks, I am trying not to give up hope with dating but it's not a lot of fun. Apparently I tend to date (and marry, ha ha) lazy bums and have become surprised when a guy offers to help or even better, just plain helps out without being asked! After a rainy 4th of July I am all coupled out. This past weekend was a whole lot of happy couples and not a lot of reality, ya know? I mean my brother and his happy family, my sister and her fabulous man, my best friend and her guy - all of them having a great time together, and then there was me and my son. MY SON took it upon himself to dig out a photo album and run around showing everyone pictures of his father and saying in his cute baby voice "Daydeeee. dadeee." Um hello?!! Even if you have a cold black heart that would make you feel bad for the little guy. I still feel like a piece of crap as I am the "plaintiff" who whisked his dad away. *sigh* poor kid.
Anyway. back to the couple stuff. Lots of talk about big foofie weddings and stellar examples of how a man should treat his future sister-in-law (that would be me). I mean my sister's man is a good guy. He wasn't afraid of the two year old even though he was on his worst behavior and SCREAMING all weekend, he fixed my bathroom, he cooked dinner and cleaned up the kitchen, he helped me carry stuff, he paid for gas, on and on and on.

I thanked him and even pointed out what a nice, helpful guy he is and how surprised I am by all the help. He replied with "Diane, I think you need to raise your standards."

I agree. but that would mean dating women.

My house sucker-punches me

I have just spent the past 4 days or so with my darling son. He uses real words to talk to me now and even insists that I help him sweep the floor by dragging out both brooms and screaming if I stop sweeping. it's quite adorable. All day I was sorta looking forward to some time to myself this weekend as he is with his father, ya know catch up on errands, do some painting, etc. I pulled into my driveway - relieved to be home after herding cats all week, as I got out of my car I dove heart-first into reality. My son was not in the car, nor was he in the house or going to be for that matter. Genuine pain slithered it's way around my heart. I walked up to the mailbox and noticed the little baseball bat laying in the grass, where little man had left it this morning. I fought hard to keep a grip on my relaxed happy state, but my heart aches to the point of dispair when he is not with me. Shuffling my feet up the stairs of my deck I tried to find a way to describe this pain to you all. The only thing that comes to mind is the way you feel when you come home to your house after a pet has died. They dont run to great you, there is evidence of them everywhere and you miss their love for you. Multiply that by a gazillion and that's about how I feel.

flydi

single motherhood

Awwww....Boston you're my home

I JUST got home from work and ran smack into an email containing this link.
http://www.cyburbia.org/forums/showthread.php?t=10814

I am now insanely homesick. I miss the cobblestone streets, the summer concerts, the sail boats on the Charles, all the Italians, the Irish, the students. sniff. sniff. I miss *gasp* Mike's Pastries, I miss Foodmaster, I miss the peruvian band that performs all summer in Harvard Square, I miss WALKING around a city and the smell of candy coated roasted peanuts, I miss all the suits and happy hours, I miss all the construction workers with their igloo coolers for lunch boxes. I miss taking the T, I miss Fenway Park and the Patriots.

I moved to Atlanta so I could be married to my x-husband. We agreed to live in both cities and figure out where we wanted to go from there. We never ever left Atlanta. In part because I discovered I was pregnant and couldnt stop vomiting. But MAN DID I GET THE SHIT END OF THE STICK OR WHAT?!!!! I am now stuck here in Atlanta. By stuck I mean I have to go to court and fight a custody battle to have any chance of taking my son back east with me. That's only if the courts think that's a good idea for him. They first evaluate the life I will be taking him from - which consists of a big family (my x's family of course) and lots of cousins. He loves his grandma. To top it all off if the courts agreed to let me leave WITH my child I would then be the reason he was no longer visiting with his father. This would cause great resentment in him and he would then leave me when he is a teenager, in the middle of the night I am sure, to go live with his dad in georgia.
That sucks. So I am stuck in Atlanta.

wahhhhh haaaa haaa.

To the loser who STOOD ME UP

Here comes a for real WHAT THE FUCK?? Yeah - you will read this I am certain as you check my blog out from time to time. I am so irritated with you, not because you STOOD ME UP but because you and I talked on the phone about all the LOSERS I have met off of fucking match.com. We joked about this. You assured me you were not one of them. You offered encouragement, you suggested getting together and even wrote to me to tell me you were looking forward to it. Well, congrats you have now skyrocketed yourself from "what a cool guy, cant wait to meet him" to the top of the fucking loser pile. Yep - NUMERO UNO spot is now yours. I have never been stood up before. EVER. YOU even called to tell me you overslept and were on your way!!! Dear god, why bother? Whomever you met the night before must have been in the shower when you called me so SHE probably had no idea what a busy guy you were SUPPOSED to be.

Did I scare you off when I told you about the bodybuilder lunatic I dated in Boston who shaved his legs?
(click here to see who I am talking about)
http://www.boston.com/personals/galleries/bestcatch0104/finals/men/iradius.htm

I mean you did mention that you had at one point been a power lifter.

So, Luke or "Freekat109" for doing this I am going to suggest some new screen names for you to use on match.com:

WASTEOFTIME
Lukewarmandpathetic
AllTalkNoAction
Smallpenisboyforyou

Good luck to you. If you see me, dont say Hi and expect me to be thrilled to see you. In fact, you should duck if you are that DUMB.

flydi

Trouble makers.

Beaver or????

The Beaver

On a recent trip to Washington DC I encountered a beaver. I was strolling along, enjoying Roosevelt Island and it all it has to offer when I noticed a beaver. I was in shock. I frantically wrestled my camera out of my purse and chased after it. It was swimming very fast and I had to jog somewhat along the bike path to catch the above picture. I then realized it was a big fat RAT.

I told a friend of mine about this, and in between fits of laughter he mentioned that Washington himself might have seen a beaver a couple hundred years ago AND did it not occur to me that I was in a major metropolitan area?? Ok. no. it did not.

I sent this picture to him and warned him "dont take a sip of coffee and read this email. snarfing coffee hurts."

he responded with "so does snarfing beaver".

2 points for that comeback! nice job!

Drug Dealers, Prostitutes and Apartments

First click here:

http://www.startsandfits.com/2005/06/i-hope-thats-not-apartment-thats-for.html

Now you understand what I am about to talk about. HOW FUNNY IS THIS??? The cajones on the guy who wrote these notes must be huge given the rif raf hanging out just outside his window.

Always here to provide you with entertainment!

FlyDi

Write Back Soon!

Hey - I didnt know that I had checked the box forcing you to be a blogger member to post comments. I have now unchecked that box and you are all free to post all of your cruel, evil comments. Please do. Bring it on!
In particular I want to hear from Tara, Belinda, Nicksic, all my former co-workers in New England, Tom Brady, Jason-the-copywriter, Sebastian Bach and the All Girls Kazoo Band.

you can visit the kazoo band at www.kazoogirls.com

other sites you can visit if you are bored:

www.asksnoop.com

myers briggs personality test:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

your favorite ADD friend,
Flydi

My Online Experiences So Far....

Hmm, where to begin? So many men, so little time. In fact, so little time to write back to the slew of freaks who email me. I am shocked at the types of men who actually have online profiles. I love it when they demand that I respond "either way" and let them know if I am or am not interested in them. Let's think about this one. They dont even know me and they are ALREADY making demands. Off to a great start, I tell ya!

Here are some snippets of emails some of these men have sent me:

"um. I am am your baby!!! How are you?!!!" - this from a guy hugging minnie mouse.

"First. I guess I can forgive you for cheering the Pats and the Red Sox only because of their divisions." - I make it pretty freaken clear that I am a major Boston gal.

"oh, by the way, in the past 6 months I have adopted a more clean-shaven look!"

Oh Goodie! I cant wait to meet you then. Especially since you have shaved all your back hair off! I mean these comments are from emails written by men who I have never met - AND this is the first time they have written to me. I tried to dig up some of the religious ones for all ya'll to read but I must have deleted them suddenly. Lately I was bamboozeled. This handsome man and I emailed back and forth - banter banter banter. So I decided to call him. This was BIG. After all I had stopped the online dating for almost 3 months after some dude professed his love for me (see previous post). Ok back to the story -so I call this guy - we chat about his employment at Emory University, our personality types (I am an ENFP) and I just had to go "there". Yes, I made a flip comment about good ol' "W". I did so feeling quite confident that someone who works at EMORY and professed his liberal ways to me couldnt have possibly voted for the guy. I WAS SO WRONG. He got all fired up and even challenged me on my liberalness. He even mocked me when I said "I am so sorry. I just cant date someone who voted for such an idiot." Poor guy. He has so much going for him!

I am a complete liar. I dated a nice man a month ago. Very handsome, in his 40's and yet another professor. He was divorced with 2 young boys and a sexy aversion to motorcycles and vintage t-shirts. First time I met him he was pulling into the parking lot of this bar - I noticed the vintage 60's truck he was driving first - then I realized it was my date! woo hoo! He looked great sitting in this old restored truck. Bright blue eyes, big smile and gorgeous curly dark brown hair. We had a great date. Being a father himself, he felt rather comfortable asking about my breastfeeding experiences. My what?! Yes he asked me about my BREASTFEEDING experiences. Now, I rolled with it - but breastfeeding is THE LEAST SEXY thing you can possibly talk about on a first date. Anyway - I quickly derailed our conversation into the gutter (per usual) and managed to get him to talk about his sex life. He admitted that he had lost his virginity at age 25 to his x-wife. Now, my hamster brain quickly calculated that he has only been divorced a year so that equals ONE sexual partner in his life total. TOTAL. My enthusiasm quickly checked out after that.

I was just informed of a new reality show coming out the follows a bunch of broads and their online dating experiences. I highly recommend tuning into this.

over and out yo!
Flydi

Southern Thank Yous.

Why do you fucking southern belles not now how to say "You're welcome" when I thank you for your fake kindness?? Do you have any idea how fucking irritating it is to hear "mmmm hmmmm" back???? what are you agreeing too exactly? I say "Thank you so much" and you say "mmmm hmmmm". What the fuck is that?!!! I'll tell you what I think it is. You are agreeing with me that I am so fortunate to have run into you. I say "thank you so much for holding the door" while I carry 15 bags, a toddler and an anvil, and you say "mmm hmmm" because you agree that it is indeed nice of you to hold the door for me. So I ask you, are you really holding the door for me or are you simply doing so out of your own guilt? If you dont want to hold the door THEN DONT.

GRRRRRRR.

The Company You Keep

I love my girlfriends. They aren't afraid to discuss touchy subjects and will debate them with fearless abandon. From time to time we discuss important subjects via emails to "the group".
See below:

email #1

this was in the Atlanta Journal Constitution (AJC) yesterday. ok, fess up,who's the penis breaker among you??? Miss you all!
*****Court Rules Woman Not Liable in Sex SuitBy MICHAEL KUNZELMANAssociated Press WriterBOSTON — A woman isn't legally responsible for injuries her boyfriendsuffered while they were having consensual sex more than a decade ago, astate appeals court ruled Monday.The man, identified only as John Doe in court papers, filed suit againstthe woman in 1997, claiming she was negligent when she suddenly changedpositions, landed awkwardly on him and fractured his penis.The man underwent emergency surgery in September 1994, "endured a painfuland lengthy recovery" and has suffered from sexual dysfunction that hasn'tresponded to medication or counseling, the appeals court said.Although the woman may have exposed her boyfriend to "some risk of harm,"the three-judge panel said her conduct during the sexual encounter wasn't"wanton or reckless" and can't support a lawsuit.The man's lawsuit already has been thrown out by judges in Salem DistrictCourt and Essex Superior Court.

email #2 in response to email #1 (edited somewhat...)

So now I can get sued for being bad in bed? Great. Yet another thing to worry about. Thanks for the article. Very funny (and horrible). I'm so curious as to what "move" they were attempting. Do you think Jane Doe had to go to court all of these times? Yikes.
PS--Maybe JohnDoe's suit will disappear when he can keep a hard-on again.

The true meaning of Mother's Day in 5 steps: Step 1, be prepared.

Step 2: remove things stuck in hair.

Step 3: give back all candy removed from hair

Step 4: take a humiliating picture for use later.

Step 5: Dole out kisses to make everything all better.

Courtesy of The Scream Machine! Yahoo!

The next future Mr. Myer

The previous Mr. Myer, aside from my dad, became very distraught that he received mail addressed to him wth his first name and my last name. I found this AWESOME. I didnt even plan for that to happen, but it did anyway. Hilarious. Obviously, I had the opposite reaction and felt very proud that I was changing prehistoric sexist rolls. I loved the credit card company who sent those letters. At any rate I refused to drop my maiden name when i got married. Just didnt want to. Hence why this mail began to show up addressed to Mr. (blank) Myer. Now that I think about it this might have been a future indicator on how this marriage would turn out....

So - the *next* Mr. Myer better find the aforementioned mail snafu funny when it happens to him. In fact he should be flattered and smart enough to know how it touches my insane liberal feminst side. Aside from this, here is a list of traits he should have from the shallow-end of the pool:

Blonde Hair, well brown is ok too.
Blue Eyes
Dry sense of humor
A brain
can play a musical instrument
can play and plays soccer
has been on an airplane more than 50 times
loves sailing and sail boats
has tools
has an old car/truck (pre 1980)
is taller than me
loves kids
drinks wine at Italian restaraunts
drinks beer at the ball game
drinks fruity drinks at the beach
a job (ha ha)

lastly, balls. Also known as "guts", "confidence" and "ego"
the last one is the most important as I think I know everything and need someone who isnt afraid to prove that I might be wrong. :)

That's all....

Mother's Day '05

3rd Annual Mother's Day

What a glorious day it has been! 82 degrees, bright sunny sky. As I was driving to brunch this morning I found myself feeling relieved that this day existed. Not because I need to be pampered or fussed over, rather a definitive "me and w" day - FOREVER. For the rest of my life this day will be my special day with my son. No one can deny that I am his mother, he is as impatient and as smiley as I am. This day feels like I have earned my stripes and I now have permission to be a little more special than most. I keep a human alive for christ sake! I keep him from falling, from running into the street, from falling down the stairs. I posses an instinct that is similar to the sonar on a submarine. I know where he is and when he is about to: fall, cry, laugh, bite,etc. Most of all I love him. I tickle his feet, and under his ear causing him massive hiccups as a result of belly laughing. I make sure he plays outside, that he dances and reads. Stimulating his mind is top priority for me. I am not bragging, this is simply what I must do. Those who are mothers understand the instinctive, slave-driving, guilt ridden nature of motherhood. It's an exhausting trait to have. However today I am proud that this two year old, with a lollipop stuck in his hair, is someone's son, because that means he has a mother. and that's me! :) shocking, I know.
My first mother's day was much different. I was 6 months pregnant and miserable. I was trying to get over the shock of being pregnant, let alone the fact that I would be a mother in the very near future. I read my mother's day cards with great apprehension and a little "oh shit. this is not a dream, I am already a mom." I had no idea how great it would be! Life is such a great teacher if you are willing to learn from it.

single motherhood

Any non-boyfriends out there????

Ok, after a lot of flack for this post I am now posting a "forward". So here goes.

Attention, the following post is nonsense. This post was written after someone professed their love for the author after a couple of dates. In no way do the words written below represent how the authors feels currently. The words expressed below are in fact written by the author, however she would like all future boyfriends to know that anyone qualifying for "non-boyfriend" status will be thrown back.


Why cant I find a guy who just wants to go on a couple of dates every now and then and maybe end up in my bed for a little while? I mean, I am basically interested in a committment-free relationship right now and CANT FIND ONE. It's a little more complicated than this of course. Me being me I want him to be good enough to introduce to my friends and have them say "what's wrong with you?! why wont you commit to him". Ahhhh...music to my ears.

Dudes, c'mon I am a single mom with a little bit of free time - let's just get to the point ok? I dont want to lay in bed all day and gaze into someone's eyes and dream of more babies. I gotta get up and take care of a bunch of shit that I cant do when the little guy is around!

Where did all the handsome committmentphobes go? I used to know tons of them. In fact my radar always picked them up (see my post about guys in Boston) and I would run the other way. What happened here? My therapist encourages me to forget dating and spend time reconnecting to me. Which I find a little boring but I understand what he means. Hence why I am campaigning for a non-boyfriend. Non boyfriends are so good that you want them to be your boyfriend just not in reality. They seem to show up on your caller ID at just the right time. They miss you. They are fun, they are good in bed. They are BUSY. Doing what? I dont know, but my point is that they have a life that doesnt revolve around hunting down a wife.

What the fuck is my point here? No wonder I cant seem to go on dates. I annoy myself.


As soon as I go on a date I will post it ok? I promise.

What's grosser than gross?

When your child poops in the bathtub. Wanna know what's grosser than that? When you take aforementioned child out of tub and into his room to diaper him and clothe him while your dog eats up the aforementioned poop.

yeah. that's grosser than gross.

The perpetrator.

Triathlon here I come!!

So I am all pumped about the triathlon. About a ½ hour ago I got my best friend on board and then ran out the door to hit the gym. I took the “other” elevator and get off at the wrong floor in my parking garage and have to walk up two floors to find my car to get my gym bag. I purposely leave my sneakers in the car so I have NO EXCUSE to avoid swimming. I get to the gym and they require that I update my ID. I wait 15 minutes to do this only to leave membership with an ID where I am looking to the side like a pac man ghost.

I finally am proud of myself for even being at the gym. It’s such a nice gym I cant figure out why I don’t go more often! I’ll admit it, I was kinda shy in the locker room putting on my bathing suit. I don’t look too bad, I tell myself as I look at my huge hips in the mirror. I wrap myself in my towel to make them dissapear and head out to the pool with swim cap and goggles in hand. I plan to wear them so I start off on the right foot.

I walk up the stairs to the pool level and notice a big sign that says “we are sorry but our pool is out of service due to plumbing problems. We regret any inconvenience this may have caused you.” So I go back to locker room and get changed back into my work clothes CAUSE I LEFT MY DAMN SNEAKERS IN THE CAR. Of course!! Damn damn damn!

As I leave I ask the manager when the pool will be fixed. He says “oh I am so sorry, we don’t know – hopefully by the end of the week”. Then I suggested that they put a sign up in their LOBBY and on their WEBSITE – both off which I checked prior to changing into my bathing suit – to notify members that their pool is out of order.

THEN. I get back to work and start assembling my stupid south beach diet lunches. I drop the turkey slices on the FLOOR. I pick them up and wash them off as I had no interest in eating a cheese rollup.

My day so far has been a test of resiliency!

what to say during an interview

I just spent 10 hours straight interviewing candidates in LA. I am still here in sunny Los Annngellllleeees and must say this time around my trip here has been much more enjoyable. Remind me to tell you why 2000 was horrendous. No vomiting at the Polo Lounge, no vomiting in Beverly Hills with a Greek limo driver rubbing my back couching me through it with "in dru da noce Diana, out sru da moud", No LAX strandings. No Tommy Lee Jones.

Ok. So an over-qualified ass-kicking female shows up for her interview and tells me the following story:
"I was searching for a pen in my purse during this important interview, and .....as I pulled out the pen a TAMPON went flying out of my purse and landed on the conference room table. The interviewer (being male - which in my mind makes the story THAT MUCH BETTER) just stared at it as it slowly rolled down the table and quietly off the side and onto the floor. Needless to say that interview was over."

How do you compete with a TAMPON? I don't care how smooth you are. How. HOW do you deal with that?? A woman interviewer would totally understand how hilarious that was and it would be no big deal after some laughing. The fact that the interviewer was male kills me! Makes me want to try it out on someone just for effect.

I have finally started introducing my blog to some friends of mine. I even tip-toed out onto a limb and sent it to my uber-talented copywriter friend. She thinks it's cool, that I should write a book and has bookmarked this little blog-wanna-bee. I am in shock as I suck at writing, couldn't tell you the proper use of sentence structure or even what a subjective verb is. Do you know what this little compliment has done for my self esteem?? Now I will write about everything! I promise to make it interesting.

Now, back to da boys.
I recently received an email from a handsome young man I went on 2 big awesome dates with. Perhaps he wrote out of guilt for basically blowing me off via EMAIL for 2 months. Here is what he ACTUALLY wrote:

"And your menu of options sounds tasty. Only thing is, I started seeing someone recently and I want to see where things might "go," as they say. But don't worry, I haven't turned totally faggy or anything (that's the bestest non-PC way I could think of saying it). I mean, I'm not locking myself to the whippin' post anytime soon, so . . . maybe we can get together a little later on(?)
And btw, what're you up to these days?
Talk to you later,"

PLAYAH. In the beginning of the paragraph he breaks it to me that he is not interested in going out with me again because he is seeing someone. The end of the paragraph he invites me to join his fucking fan club and wait for him to call me like I did with Sebastian Bach of Skid Row in 1989!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!www.sebastianbach.com. Well Sebastian never called me. So I wrote back something to the order of "a little later on? I'll just be sitting here holding my breath." I also randomly included a link to snoop dogs shizzolator www.asksnoop.com for no reason. Tee hee!!

One day old baby and one day old Momma! 


single motherhood

Bath time! 

Your empty crib is breaking my heart

My house has become so still now that the sounds of your curiosity are not here. I no longer need to wonder what you are getting into, even though I do, and I am acutely aware of just how much free time I now have on my hands. Your toys are where you left them the other night, your soft over-sized teddy bear lays on the living room floor where you tackled him with a hug. Books lay on their spines open and waiting for you to say "oh wow!" as you discover their colors and pictures. Our dog strolls around the house and always checks your room to see if you are in there, making me wonder if she thinks the same thing; it's too quite in the house.

I know you are probably fine and overflowing with belly laughing while watching your favorite movie, Finding Nemo. You love your dad which is why I endure this. The days you are not with me are empty and raw. I torture myself and sit in your room. It makes me feel closer to you. I fold your blankets and wind up your little giraffe and listen to the sound of it's lullaby and drift back to the first few days of your life when I would hold you for hours and days. Your baby smell, the little grunts and squeaks you made as you nestled into my embrace. I had no idea what joy you would bring to my life and I am forever thankful you picked me. It cheers me up to think of the person you are and who you will become as I am already so proud of you.

The time I spent fussing over you and worrying about you is what makes me crazy. This time is now unwarranted and leaves wondering what to do with myself. Mornings are the toughest when I know you are not there, but still I check on you anyway and long to hear your baby voice greet me with your enthusiastic "Hi!" as you scramble to hand me something from your crib. I caress the soft sheets of your crib with the entire palm of my hand, caressing my own heartache.
Life changing events like this one don't allow you to just be. I must "suck it up" and "keep on keepin on" while donning the game face and chin-up strut to fool everyone that I haven't crumbled as a result of my own decision to change our lives. It is spring now and with that comes things anew.If someone would only tell me how to breathe I might shake this sorrow and seize the day.

Thank you for picking me to be your momma, I love you little man.
single motherhood

What I really want my match.com profile to say

After receiving a slew of emails from men on match.com who are so completely not my type I decided to write a new profile. If these men actually read my profile they would NEVER have emailed me. I am not religious, I am not looking to "join someone in prayer" every day. I didn't vote for Bush, I cried when he won again. I love my gay neighbors and friends. It's obvious why some men are on match.com, others it takes meeting them in person to fully understand their definition of tall versus mine.

I didn't post this on match.com, instead I sent it to my friends who are also on match.com to get their feedback. They all dared me to do it. This is the next best thing.

"Tall, yeah TALL – like taller than you blonde looking for a man. I thought some of you might consider yourself to be one, and one that is interested in communicating. I don’t need you, nor does my son – who by the way already has a dad, but it would be nice to have an intellectually stimulating dinner where Jesus is not brought up once, unless of course you are so funny that it just falls out of my mouth. You better have a job, a sense of humor and a clue when it comes to telling me about ALL the other women you’ve met, dated and slept with off of match.com. I am not a bionic woman who does nothing but work out in her free time. I am a single stressed out mom who can not meet you last minute. Got it?

Time wasters need not apply. Don’t ask me why I am divorced if you don’t really want to know. I am a man eater – so be careful. Just because I am on match.com does not mean I am desperate, nor stupid.

Lastly, I believe in astrology more than love and marriage. So far the astrology has been more accurate at predicting my success with you freaks.”

The Best Valentine Ever

You know who you are. Your brain and sense of humor working overtime most days, taunting me and then you send me this:

"a grim, but ultimately encouraging valentine's day sonnet excerpt"

"...O benefit of ill! now I find true
That better is by evil still made better;
And ruin'd love, when it is built anew,
Grows fairer than at first, more strong, far greater.
So I return rebuked to my content
And gain by ill thrice more than I have spent."
-- Billy Shakespeare

I cant tell you how many times I have read this. I even called my uber-smaht english-teacher-fellow-kazoo-girl friend for help determining the meaning. She even told me what number sonnet this is (of course she did!!). I didnt want to make any assumptions as well as make sure I was right in thinking it was a sweet gesture on your part.

I adore you!