Monday, May 07, 2007

Spiders in the Ears

There are somethings in motherhood you can never be prepared for. Like this story for example: Pain was two spiders living in boys ear . Yes, it does in fact read "pain was two spiders living in boys ear". I just cant fathom having to calmly take my son to the doctor and discover that he has SPIDERS LIVING IN HIS EAR and then feel like I was doing a great job as a mom. Now hear me out for second here. All mother's feel responsible if their child is hurt. No matter what, even if my son is far away with his dad and something happens to him I will always think "I should have been there to help him, If I had switched weekends he'd be ok" etc. etc. So to have a doctor flush out to spiders out of my sons ear would send me into the bowell's of depression over my pure utter neglect as a mom. I know it.

Women who do not have children do not fully understand how important Mother's Day is. I love the little footprints of my sons feet his daycare teachers make that they turn into cards for me each mother's day year. My son is almost 4. I am moving back into the house I lived in when he was born so I can hopefully sell it and be out of the landlord business. This house is soooo full of memories for me and I am still trying to get my bearings on being there. Some rooms remind me of the awful fights and craziness I endured while married, other rooms remind me of my son as a baby and the bathroom reminds me of puking for 6 months while pregnant. I plan to paint the rooms different colors, hang different shaded on the windows and install lighting - all in the hopes that it will change my thinking on the house and lessen these burdensome memories. Maybe the real estate fairy will come along and send someone to buy my house before I have to move into it.

I am selling this house because I need to pay off debt. Debt I have amassed trying to KEEP my two houses. The biggest mistake I made, other than marry my x, was to keep the houses when we got divorced and buy him out of the equity. He made out like a bandit - a BIG giant check was written to him over two years ago. Since then I have slowly realized that these houses were sucking the life out of me. In two years I have had 3 tenants in one, ALL of them turned out to be assholes. These houses are like Spider's in my ear actually. I just cant rinse them out and rid myself of the annoying "snap, crackle, pop" sound infamously described by the kid in the article. My optimism shows up from time to time bringing me visions of a debt free life, without these houses keeping me tied to my past and setting me free to start over.

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