December Horoscope

I came across this today, it's my horoscope for December;

"The theme for you and your romantic partner this month is truth – and the truth may not be so easy to bear. The more honesty that comes out between you and the one you love, the more you will realize that a shift needs to happen. Admit to yourself and the one you love that you have hit a turning point. Your current partnership may not be working out the way you had hoped. During the latter part of the month, set new rules for yourself and your beloved. A period of separation may be in order. Don't be afraid to set yourself free and start fresh."


Tonight, is apparently going to be exciting! I cant wait to find out what it could be!

I'm Back Baby!

Awww shit she's back and this blog will return to lengthy descriptions of hot men and the dumb shit they say. I promise to include details, pictures, the good and the bad. Starting this weekend. Stay tuned.

I have some crazy broads for friends and I am so lucky to have them! They have been there while I blubbered away for the past couple weeks, and I cant thank them enough.

Jared Leto got a big ol' pair of pipes

DAMN! Thanks to my beloved XM radio I discovered "30 Seconds to Mars" today. All I could think during the song "From Yesterday" was:

1. Damn this dude can sing!
2. How the fuck will he sing/scream these songs over and over if they go on tour?

So I googled away and parused their website - not noticing the name "Jared Leto" as the lead singer. Then it clicked for me. THE Jared Leto is the dude wailing on the vocals?? No freaken way! I suddenly had so much more interest in him. I give their album 2 thumbs WAY up. Check em' out....

And here's something to calm the fury...

Ringtones and the healing process

One of the first things one should do when going through a breakup is remove the stupidly-sweet ringtone you assigned to "schmoupy". I just did this. I removed "burning love" by Elvis and replaced it with "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar. Does wonders for me!! So theraputic!

And, on a very crazy note I have someone's wife emailing me. Dont even know her, or HIM. She has hacked into her husbands myspace account (god only knows why) and is so insane that she not only read my blog, she wrote me a three page email about how good and horrible her marriage is. I removed names but highlighted some of the horrendus parts for you all to read, as the women is very confused. This man doesnt know that she is doing this (or maybe he does?) - because I forwarded her crazy email to him and he obviously didnt see it cause pyscho woman deleted it before he could read it. I DESPISE this kind of web-based bullshit. Listen up you fucking self-absorbed people, leave me out of your craziness, I have my own issues to deal with! I have zero interest in your husband and zero interest in reading about another pathetic female clinging to a man for dear life. Liposuction?? come on! See below for the transcript, sorry it's a long one:

"Hi :
I know that this is going to be a really weird e-mail but I wanted to reach out to you because you have been communicating with my husband about joint custody. I know it is very wrong of me to pry into my husband's e-mail and I usually don't operate on that principle but I have been extremely insecure about myspace and his virtual life. I guess I want you to know the other side of our story before you give him more advice. T and I have been married six years and like all marriages we have had good times and bad. I love my husband deeply and feel very blessed that he married me. T is a wonderful man - he reaches out to people in need, is very intelligent, a great athlete and a wonderful father. He just happened to marry someone who is very needy and that is tough for him and for me. Outside of our marriage I am a confident, successful, very well-liked individual but within my marriage I seem to become a needy little girl who needs her husband to proud of her and gives her affirmation that she is doing everything right. Kind of pitiful, I know. My marriage is sacred to me and the most important commitment I have made to T, myself and God. I don't want to get a divorce as we really have no basis for one except that we have both been self absorbed and did not cherish our marriage the way that we should. I know I am not the perfect wife, I am not that smart or pretty, I have to work hard at keeping my weight off of me, I am not the CEO of a company or really anything remarkable, but I am a really nice, loyal person who tries to live life without hurting others. I am also very thoughtful to T, he does not have to do a thing around the house I work full-time and do all the housework, outside work, cooking, laundry, errands, shopping and the majority of childcare like feeding, bathing, dressing, brushing hair,etc.. I am not complaining I am happy to make a nice home for my family and allow my husband the time he needs to train for triathlons. T sleeps until at least 9:00 every morning and then never has to deal with the morning stress of trying to get our daughter off to school. I register him for all of his races and then make all the arrangements for us to go as a family so that we can be there to support him and cheer him on. I order his wetsuits and help him with his gear. On top of it all I take care of making sure all the household bills are paid. T has it really easy - he works and trains. Our friends are always saying how lucky he is to have a wife who does so much for him and is always there to support him in whatever he does. I think that T is seeking for perfection and that world just doesn't exsist. I believe God put us in a marriage to grow from each others imperfections and that together we grow into the perfection that God intends us to become through love. T wants me to have a perfect figure, which I don't - I am 5'3 and wear a size 8 which is pretty fat I know. (but I am getting liposuction to look better for him) He wants me to be a triathlete which frankly, I don't have the time or the skill to do that - between working and taking care of T and our daughter I only have time to get to the gym about an hour a day. I want to be perfect for my husband but gosh I just don't seem to be able to be all things. Anyway we got to this bad place in our marriage because I wanted T to appreciate me and thank me for the things I do for him and the more I asked him to do that the angrier he became. (it's that needy thing) and we have been seeing a counselor who has been working with us on trying to make our marriage better. The comment that T said the counselor made about us not staying married was taken out of context. The counselor does want us to stay married but she also wants us to work on communicating better and being kind and loving to each other. So that is the other side of the marriage - I know you told T he should get out but there is always more to a story than the one side as I am sure you know from your own marriage. Again, I love and cherish my husband and I am working hard on trying to be the wife he wants and deserves. So if you are going to give him advice, please keep in mind that it will have an effect on me and our daughter as well. If you feel you that you need to share this with T then I should let you know that he will be very angry with me but it won't be the first time. I just wanted to you to know because he has reached out to you for advice and I think you should have as much information as you can before you dispense advice. (at least that is what I try to do for people who seek it from me) On a final note - I love Atlanta, my brother and sister both live there and they are just wonderful people. My sister pratices medicine and my brother is a software engineer. They both live in Atlanta itself - near Highlands. My mama is probably going to move there as well once she retires in a year. Great city!!! Thanks for reading this and I do hope that you don't share it with T because of the rift it will cause but if you do then I understand as this was a risk I took in reaching out to you as a woman who is trying to hold on to her family. Take care D
PS - I am writing from my girlfriend's site as I don't have one of my own."

"Goodbye to You"

Patty Smyth of Scandal recorded the best damn breakup song ever, titled "Goodbye to You". I have been listening to it for years and have recently resurected it's fantastic-ness (for obvious reasons). Mr. Asswipe has now confirmed what I suspected, he intended to end things after Christmas, that he doesnt love me in the same way he used to ..."those feelings are just gone" and that he has felt this way since end of October or so. He can offer no explanation and adamantly denies meeting someone else....I am not convinced. But he really wants me in his life, to be friends cause he loves me so much and I am fun. I believe his exact words were "you're my best friend".... How selfish can one be??

There is so much more to this than I can share to the world wide web, but my life is a disaster right now. Sorry readers - without going into detail - imagine the worst breakup ever, and multiply it. My loss is so massive I cant even get my brain around it. It's as though I am an actor in a movie, one you just route for over and over who keeps getting some shit deal. I seriously may write a book. This is just beyond comprehension to me. My heart has never been broken like this, and I am truly sad. I fumbled through Christmas shopping tonight, trying to keep moving and passing time pausing at self-help books and Elvis box sets. My son asked about him many times this weekend and the fury that burns inside of me over that is like nothing I have ever experienced. I could end up on Jerry Springer if I let it consume me.

Now, I have fantastic friends who keep calling me, coming over, offering food, etc. This makes me feel so loved and reminds me that a boyfriend should make you feel the same way. My son strokes my cheek and calls me sweetheart while singing some rendition of Jingle Bells and Fly Me to the Moon. I am so lucky.

All I want for Christmas is a broken heart???

What kind of crap is that? I dont recall putting that on my list. At times I feel as though I might keel over and die from the heartached I am currently going through. It occurred to me earlier this week that my elvis-loving-suddenly-reclusive boyfriend was "holding on" through the holidays. So I ended it, OVER THE PHONE. Awful, I know but when the words poured out of my mouth, my alter-protective-ego took over. I shocked myself. I just simply couldn't wait for Mr. Wonderful to figure out if I was "the one" anymore. Who does that? Ok, I'll just sit over here unloved while you figure out if you are gonna dump me. No thanks. Oddly enough, I hadnt even put any pressure on him about it - apparently he has a sense of urgency about determining his future. My status of single mom with joint custody became a tough pill for him to swallow - further breaking my heart - as my ability to uproot and move anywhere is somewhat limited. However, all of these things are not deal breakers when you are in love with someone. So I digested this over the weekend and realized that I was now staring in this very scene from Jerry McGuire:

"I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a

lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built."

If only my script ended as Dorothy's did in Jerry McGuire. Something is missing for him. But I feel like I have lost so much more.......

Considering the holidays are coming up I would say I am doing better than I would have expected. I attended my Christmas Party alone, where they promptly displayed GIGANTIC photos of him and I from Halloween prompting folks to ask where he was. These photos rotated above my head on a white tarp all fucking night. Wonderful. His name was printed on a name tag when you walked in, I snatched it up, crinkled it in my hand and threw it out - all in 2 seconds. I have to hand over my phone to a friend so I wont call him. I have to remember that HE needs to pull the Say Anything move out of his ass, not me.

I cant believe we were 3 weeks shy of a year together. I cant believe I am writing this blog post.

Go Rachel Sarah!

My e-friend Sarah has published her book, Sinlge Mom Seeking and is on tour promoting it. I wrote about her way back when, "There are more of us out there...." when I discovered her awesome story about being a bad girl. Please go check out her site and book, she's worked very hard at it and been honest enough to write about it. It's not easy to do what she has done, she is a single parent with no part time dad to help her out (like I have).

I am so proud of you Sarah!! And this is just fantastic.

Flydi

Go Democrats!!

Oh thank god something is finally changing in politics to regain my interest and enthusiasm!

"In Iraq and here at home, Americans have made clear they are tired of the failures of the last six years," said Sen. Harry Reid of Nevada, in line to become Senate Majority leader when Congress reconvenes in January.

The democrats are taking over. What the hell does that mean?? I prefer to think we already had, and that we just let them win the last time. Either way - I am eagerly anticipating some changes that will make me sleep better at night. Enough with the attempts at overturning Roe-vs-Wade. Are we seriously reverting back to our Neanderthalal mindset of the 40's?

I am shocked, still at the conservative mindset some of my awesome friends have. They ferociously debate me on my liberalism, and I truly don't know why. I am curious as to why some republican friends of mine heave and sigh, rolling their eyes when I talk about things I believe in and more importantly what a buffoon our current president IS. Reminding them of the great leaders of our country who came before him, Theodore Roosevelt, who were (are?) dignified and regularly quoted only seems to infuriate them and beg for more eye rolling. Why do you choose to look the other way and ignore the rather blatant embarrassment our current president regularly submits us to? "Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me again, well that aint gonna happen again" or some blubbering bullshit like that. Are you serious??? This is the leader of our country? The most powerful country in the world (although North Korea has nuclear weapons now) has a leader who cant speak effectively in public? Isn't public speaking the majority of a politicians career? If I couldn't give a good presentation in my own piddly sales job I'd be fired. Sorry if my expectations for my country, the most powerful country in the world (we have nuclear weapons too, and we've tested them) are higher than the expectations of my very own boss.

So I guess I am left here wondering why the republicans, conservatives, or what-have-you hate "liberals" so much? I simply want to have the same rights most white men have. Equal opportunities, equal pay, equal healthcare, etc. etc. We cover viagra but dont cover birth control? That makes zero sense. Healthplans cover viagra, so more men can get 6-hour long hard-ons but these same healthplans dont cover the effects of a 6 hour bonor have on women? Go figure. Jees at least give us more mental health benefits so we can talk to a shrink about these freaky 60+ year old men hitting on us and tempting us with "the time of our lives".

My political views are strong, but they are realistic and grounded on my own personal experiences working in corporate America once as a young girl (everyone, it is a good day, especially when Diane walks through our bank lobby when the sun is shining. you can see right through her dress) and now as an older, single mom. Please don't drive down into liberal-midtown Atlanta in your SUV after shopping at Costco and tell me how to be a good Christian, I am sick of it! You do your thing and I'll do mine - neither one of us is probably hurting anyone.

Lastly, I just had to mention how sad I am that Ann Richards is no longer with us. She makes me want to try harder and not censor myself so much. "Women who aspire to be equal with men, lack ambition...."

Flydi

My take on MBA's...

Ok this may offend those who think very highly of their education, and I am sorry. I am sorry if my blunt comments offend you but reality is rather different than most MBA's see it. The collegiate brainwashing that occurs as you begin to apply to B-school is just the tip of the iceberg. Then you are accepted, further elevating your screwed up perception of yourself, then you attend and think you now know more than all us schmucks schleping to work every day while you review another case study with your professor. Case study's are great - you know in advance how the problem worked out so you can envision all kinds of great ideas that also contribute to the same end result. It's a lot harder to come across a real problem and based on your "gut instinct" you determine something needs to change, so you bravely work it out to the point it makes the company so much money you achieve CEO because of your smahts. This is rare. The worst are the MBA's who graduate having never had to work anywhere, never wanted something so badly they could taste it, passionless empty degrees earned with the hopes that they could insert themselves into senior management without ever having to earn it. Big salary to compensate the *investment* they made in their education.

How is it an MBA is more valuable than real work experience?

I have worked with, interviewed and dated many people who have MBA's. All knowledge and hearsay - no action or individual accomplishments. On dates, it's just not romantic to tell me how amazing you are for attending business school. You either ARE amazing or you aren't. If you need to tell me you are then that's ten demerits right there.

Now, there are many folks who have MBA's and don't tell anyone. This is interesting to me. A humble approach perhaps? Or an attempt at ensuring a higher salary "just in case" it comes down to you and some other candidate.

What I am getting at is the complete misconception of MBA's from both the student and the employer. Students think they are more qualified for achieving these degrees. Employers often agree. Yet what is the end output? Does that MBA person in fact hit the ground running faster? Do they make the company wealthier? Do they contribute more intellectual capital? Do they have the ability to execute their own ideas without the help of others?

This article, titled "The path to the corner office" has me all fired up. It addresses everything I have mentioned before. I think it's high time students stop falling for the perception that an MBA will get them where they want to go. Think about it. You pay $40K per year, yes you should in fact have expectations for doing so. I would hold the schools accountable. Did the school in fact provide you with the equivalent of the $100K investment you made? Has your experience and accomplishments for the two+ years you spent attending school placed you higher than if you had worked in a roll learning hands-on at a company, putting in your time? If you bought a house for $100K you expect to earn equity on your investment, that's a given. So it makes sense that these MBA students expect to earn more based on the size of their investment.

Yes, it's obvious I am jealous of the MBA grads. Most are placed on a pedestal without ever knowing how humiliating it is to be called "the temp". I have been overlooked for positions I had the experience for only to find out someone with an MBA was offered the job. It's a slap in the face only when that person is a MORAN and cant deliver on any of the ideas they come up with. Most likely they didn't starve while earning less than $30K per year and paying their own bills. Trust me folks, many companies hold a lot of weight on promoting those who have worked in their factories and shittiest jobs. Those types of people really understand their business. If those folks then go on to complete advanced degrees they eliminate the competition by combining hands-on industry experience with advanced degrees. Which brings me to my point. Employers should expect more out of those with MBA's and no experience. Employers should heavily reward those with lots of experience who obtain their MBA. Employers should hold b-schools accountable.

Anyone catch the Amazing Race? Now there's some hands-on experience you can really use. Not to mention the life changing confidence those racers are gaining.

Flydi



Now that I have clawed my way to my perch here in middle-management with years of experience, I can say with 100% confidence that I would have very high expectations of my professors at B-school if I attended.

this quote comes to mind:

"Never hesitate! Amateurs built the Mayflower and professionals
built the Titanic."

just saying hi...

It's been a crazy month here in my little world. I have a great new job with people I respect, admire and care about. Bunch of real smahties I tell ya. They built this agency out of their basement and have done so well simply because they are great guys to work with. I cant believe how humble they are. I get to do sales for these guys, which is easy considering their client base. My phone rings with people wanting to work with us, instead of me having to beg those to work with us. Quite a different experience!

The little man has been having full blown conversations with me. He's easily entertained by those Richard Scary books with a million things going on on the page. Ya know, the ones where you look for the little mouse who might be driving one of the cars in the city-scene. I grew up with these books and loved them too. Lately he enjoys reading more and more. Just the other night I was reading before bed when I heard his door open. I waited, knowing he was going to appear in my room momentarily. He peeked around the corner, clearly unsure if he was in trouble or what. I smiled at him and asked him to come read with me. He imitated my every move. Feet crossed, head propped up with pillows and book balanced on his stomach to "read" to me. He made up stories about his father, me and his grandpa. After about 10 minutes I told him he needed to go sleep in his own bed, so he did. He simply hopped down, said "g'night mom." and went back to bed. Unreal.

He also loves KT Tunstall's song "Dark horse and cherry tree" however he calls it the "woo hoo" song. He came running into my room the other morning all excited when he heard it. "Mom! it's woo hoo!" Clearly his grandpa had played a roll in this!

My advice to my friends out there, dont wait to have kids. Most of you are really succesful and with the right person. Go for it, it's the best thing ever. Keep in mind who this is coming from will ya?

flydi

Some Online Fun for you slackers...

Now that I am in interactive advertising I thought I would share some of the funniest shit on the internet. enjoy!

www.shaveeverywhere.com ---so naughty!!

www.brawnyacademy.com ---I watched all 8 episodes and love the scene with the guy vacuming up chalk lines on a football field while wearing ruby slippers and carrying a doll. Doth my ears detect a Boston accent? "C'mon Ruby Slippahs! Go Ruby Slippahs!".

www.comeclean.com - cute, simple and clever

www.cowabduction.com - who knew those guys over at the "Milk Processors of America" where so dang cray-zahy?

I got a new job and I am busy as hell!

Sorry- I'll be back soon.....for now have fun with this web tool.

Men Treats

I've just discovered the famous article "what Shamu taught me about a happy marriage" and find it hilarious and frustrating. It's pathetic that we women are so smart we can actually pull this off without being caught, and even more irritating that we have to “train” men to get what we deserve. I can recall in many relationships leaving little crumbs of info that clearly led to the end result I wanted, only to have my man *think* he was the one who came up with it. My therapist called it "managing people". Why cant men (now I am sure there are men who can figure out that they are being managed) see the maze they are running in or recognize the prehistoric way we women have resorted to dealing with them? Are men so completely unevolved that they learn solely on recognition and reward?

It bugs me when I have to point out the obvious. "The obvious" being what is so crystal clear to me you'd have to be an ape not to get it. So why cant I just accept this clarity on the male pysche that yes, men do in fact operate on a much more simple level than women. A level devoid of endless obsessing, worrying and tattering on about what this person thinks, how we look, how we feel, blah blah blah.

I recently had to force out the words "I want you know your feelings" in a conversation with my boyfriend and was irritated that thanks to society and stereotypes my main concern was being reduced down to "typical woman" status. I cringed as the word "feelings" came out of my mouth, landing on the bed and bouncing off as I quickly recovered and made sure he knew how stoopid they sounded to me. He smiled at my own acknowledgement, which was all I needed. Yes I feel this way, yes it is stoopid, but please just hear me.

But, truthfully it appears there is no other way than this one:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html?ex=1158206400&en=cb2f697a3e2094df&ei=5070

This makes me want to put a can of treats on the counter that reads “Michael” on it next to the one that says “Madonna”, my dog, on it. Ha ha. (neither can actually exist…poor Madonna)

Play-dough

It's Wednesday, again. My son has blossomed before my very eyes. He is using the potty extensively, and enthusiasticly asking for my approval each time he does. Like an old man he sits on his potty, Madagascar underwear around his ankles, reading "Everybody Poops" out loud to me. "moooom. Elephant poops. da bird poops. Nemo poops." It's adorable.

I just now went home to straighten up my place during my lunch break, and again the "joint custody black cloud" started raining on me. I opened the door to my place and noticed the third tub of play-dough my son was franticly begging me to find before he left for school tucked next to the entertainment center. "Find it mommie! pwease!" I impatiently rushed him out the door and told him I would find it later. He cried for a minute about it and got over it. After noticing the play-dough my glanced over to my sofa, where a bundle of grapes sat on the cushion. Grapes just sitting on the couch, not in the fridge where I put them last. Apparently as I got dressed the little guy helped himself to some more grapes. By my foot lay a headless, plastic T-rex, and I quietly began to cry as I picked up the grapes. I could easily let the wave wash over me and have a complete sob fest - reeling in the pain of this weekly seperation. I sat on my sofa - paralized, daydreaming about kissing him good bye at school this morning. He turned to me in the classroom as I put his things in his cubby and said "Mommie? you come back?". "no, I will see you on Monday - today you get to see your daddy!" I said with a fake enthusiasm I am sure he can pick up on. He grabbed my hand and said "ok, I go bye bye". He clearly understands that he wont see me for some period of time now. I bear hugged him and told him I loved him and this time I got an "I love you too..." back.

I write about this cause I might die if I keep this all inside. I have friends who's 3 year old children cant comprehend the sentence "Mommie? you come back?" as they are NEVER apart from them.

oh the envy......

Flydi

Europe - Rock the Night

I had to share the insanit with you all...enjoy this little trip back to 1989.

I just hit a new low....

I felt the need to confess the most heinous thing ever to the entire world, immediately, at this very moment - for fear of it taking over my life. I just downloaded Europe's "Rock the Night" and I fear I may go dig out the can of Aqua Net residing under my sink and well, ya know - do my hair. Oh I cant shake it either, I may just show up at work with black eyeliner melted onto my eyes and ...jesus! Must turn Europe off. right now.

I blame Gene Simmons and his new show on A&E for resurecting my hairband lust. It's fantastic! Rock god shows soft cuddly side and I cant get enough of Gene, the man I now call "papa demon". Not to mention the constant witty banter from his "midgets" (he calls his 6'7 kid a midget? brilliant) and lovely wife, who I secretly wish was my friend. She has my sense of humor and shit man, she was a mega playboy centerfold, she could have anyone. Just what I like in woman, relentless sense of humor and a nice rack. Ha ha.

Listen up northerners:

Here's a little message to my own kind: Lighten up!! I call into companies and interview them everyday, and I cringe when I see a 212 or 617 area code. What kind of crap is that? It's my favorite part of the country and my least favorite part to call?? Now is it so hard to just be polite and have manners? Up in the northeast everyone thinks you are trying to sell them a vacuum cleaner. I remember, I used to be that person. I still am that hard-edged person at times, but living in Atlanta for over 3 years (Woah....THREE years???) has helped me tone down the UNNECESSARY bad-assness. It's funny and somewhat backwards that I used to have my guard up walking around Boston which has 4 times less the average crime rate than Atlanta does. I have modified my lifestyle a bit - I simply don't walk anywhere at night in Atlanta, double lock my doors, don't leave my lap top in my car - just aint the smaht thing to do here.

Now, I will say that when some raggamuffin homeless person comes up to me while I am pumping gas and asks me for $5 bucks I snap back into that tough northeastern gal (see my post about moms being similar to grizzly bears). While my son waits in the car, I try to ignore them but then I turn and tell them to get the fuck away from me. And they do. They know I am not from here. Let me clarify that I do care about the homeless people and feel we are letting a slice of our population slip through the cracks while we eat out every night, sleep in air conditioned houses, etc. I just don't care for being harassed at the gas station with my child watching - so they can go get high.

Anyway, you northern-types (called yankees, which is an insult down here) should lose the razor sharp edge a bit, soften up; the world aint out to get ya, it's just full of idiots.

stay tuned for my next post on why southeners should toughen up......at least to your face instead of behind your back and how to swear like a champ. It's fuckin' liberating, I tell ya guy!

Breathe

Ever get that feeling....the one where you fill up your lungs, holding the air deep for a second? As you let it go you feel that very moment in life will be a memory you wont soon forget? This happens for me when I see my son after a few days and he says "mommie! I missed you - you came back!" There's no way to explain to him that I didnt want to leave him, and that I am haunted by him when he is not with me. "This is just how it is" seems horribly unfair. I wish I could find the words to capture the way it feels to leave my child every Wednesday morning, knowing I wont see him till Friday or even Monday. I go through the motions, unclipping his seat belt and gathering his bag - which is full of toys and things he wants to bring to his father's house. How does he feel as he waves goodbye to me from the windows of his school, in between shapes of flowers and bugs? My heart in my mouth, fighting tears I go through this weekly occurrence. It simply wont get better.

I have a man in my life who makes me want to have more children. Just typing that sentence reminds me of the misery I went through with my son's pregnancy - I simply cant believe I even feel this way. I knew my son was "sent forth from the others" to ensure that they would in fact be born. I am certain he was required to be so sweet, beautiful and full of life no matter what to trick me into forgetting how much pregnancy sucks! Regardless, I wonder what it is like to have a supporting, unselfish partner to go through those life-changing nine months with. Is it more relaxing? I imagine it to be peaceful with time to enjoy what's happening instead of worrying about paying the mortgage. What's it like to be excited about the new baby instead of afraid of all the changes it brings? I watch this man of mine kiss my child, play with him and care for him as though he were his own. It's not because he is trying to impress me either - and when he asks me "do you think the little guy loves me?" I melt.

warm fuzzies

A member of crazyhipblogmammas sent out a cool request asking everyone to read other's blogs and post a nice "warm and fuzzy" on their blog. I love discovering new blogs, especially those who are or have been single moms at one point. This pajamamamma is raising three kids, two of which have down syndrome. Makes me feel like a schmuck for thinking my life is at times difficult - I am fine for the most part ( I can hear you chuckling out there!) and truly admire those who love so unselfishly. This world needs more people like her.

ok, so here are the instructions:

1. Leave me a warm fuzzy in my comments.
2. Post a similar entry (or copy and paste this one, giving credit) on your own blog.
3. Leave a warm fuzzy on every blog you visit today.
4. Sit back, read your own warm fuzzies and feel, well, warm and fuzzy!
Enjoy!

Sofa

Here is the exact text I wrote in an online request form:

"Looking for pricing on upholstry cleaning, my son threw up all over my sofa just after he scribbled on my love seat. Please help!thanks."

I am going to file this one under "joys of motherhood".

Flydi

Ice Cold Water

Ice cold water seems to help the ridiculous pain I feel in my face these days. It started a few weeks ago and I simply thought it was my jaw reacting to my intense grinding during sleep. This all proceeded to get worse to the point of popping 3 or 4 Advil at a time. I finally visited my dentist who took X-rays while telling funny jokes about teeth. He's a great guy, and all his little tests showed I had "beautiful teeth". Seems to be nothing wrong with them from his perspective. Nonetheless he scheduled me for a root canal as I was complaining of nerve-like pain. This just didn't add up to me. X-rays are fine, but I need a $2,000 root canal? So off to my MD I went. I described the brutal pain attack on the left side of my face the night before. It was unreal, I even categorize this kind of pain on the same level as child birth. It mainly feels like a dull ache near my ear and lower jaw. Then it gets worse and spreads into my teeth and neck, only on the left side. The killer part is the duration of the intensity. Much like a contraction it takes hold, making me cry and kick my feet, and holds on. There's nothing I can do. I have to wait for it to pass.

Anyway this pain happened the night before my doctor's appointment. He diagnosed me with Trigeminal Neuralgia. A rather rare condition that has me freaked out honestly. 40% of people my age get this cause they actually have MS. Hence my freaking out. I have cried my eyes out over this. I held it together as my doctor explained this nerve disease to me, letting me know that "they don't know what causes it" and " doesn't seem to be a cure". Fantastic I thought. Another disease has shown up in my body with no known cause and no cure and I am only 30! How infuriating. I sat in my car in the parking lot for a moment trying to pull my shit together. I called my boyfriend at work (who later brought me roses...yeah he's wonderful) and just hearing his voice I started to cry. I also called my best friend, same thing - her voice just sent me over the edge and I left a weepy, barely recognizable message on her voice mail. I cried behind my big sunglasses at CVS as they handed me the prescription. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself honestly. More than anything I was just scared. Not enough info does this to you. I'm afraid that this is just the beginning and that I wont be around for my son later. Very dramatic thoughts, but hey, no one would ever describe me as boring. There's no real test "they" can give you to diagnose this, it's mainly based on the patient's description. I am currently in a drug induced haze caused by the Carbamazapine and massive pain killers I am on. This plain flat sucks.

Two things help. Ice cold water and ice cream. That's it.

Well this helped my heart feel better: my little son said the sweetest thing to me this morning. I was loading him into his car seat to take him to day care and my face started to really bother me. I winced and he asked me if I was ok. I told him my face hurt but I would be ok soon. Out of his precious lips comes "we should put some cream on it."

I love being a mom.

This guy likes me

I am a tiny bit more famouser thanks to "This" guy and "this" blog. It's a fantastic blog, full of entertaining stuff - robotic horses included!

Did I ever mention that Glamour wanted to include some info from my torid affair with "the pilot from California"? It was part of a piece my pal Rachel Sarah was writing for the red-haired famously-brave editor Erin Zammet. Anyway, I never heard back from Erin - which is a good thing. I really dont need a story like that being published as I have three men in my life it would effect; my son, my wonderful boyfriend and my loser x-husband. But still, it was a little rush to have Rachel & Glamour interested in my life for a brief moment.

Flydi

Wicked Pissa Summah, so fah

Went home for almost 10 days recently. I strapped the soon-to-be-3-year-old into his very own seat on the plane, set up the portable DVD player, Thomas the Tank Engine Trains, milk, snacks and promptly flew to Boston. I cried a little as we landed at Logan (and again when we left. big time) as I clearly have romantisized Boston to an unrealistic level. Obviously visiting New England in the summer is a great idea, the weather is usually pretty nice. Had I landed in January I might not of cried. Or maybe I would have but for other reasons. Um helllooo, it's polar bear cold there in January.

I am sitting at my desk right now, alone, with just Sting playing as I type. It's amazing how little time we have to ourselves. I rarely get to just go home and do nothing. No plans. I remember days where I would wake up at 11AM and think "hmmm. what do I want to do today?". They seem so foreign to me now as I have to blow a whistle and pray for nap time to get a moment to "do what I want".

10 days with my little cherub! 10 DAYS. Cant remember the last time I spent that much time with him. He ate a nice peach pie his grandmother made and couldn't grasp that the word "pie" ended after the letter e. In a rather adorable fashion he kept calling it "pirate". Utterly fantastic info for story telling when he is older if I do say so myself! "Where's my pirate?" or "Hey that's MY pirate!" he proclaimed. While visiting friends my son ran around with some other kids touting fake plastic guns (that made loud, annoying semi-automatic sounds). At one point we all decided to go for a walk - and as my son came over to me I literally said "Hey, put the gun down we're going for a walk". I will never get to live that one down. How did those words come out of my mouth? I mean it is a toy gun - but it was simply hilarious to hear myself saying that. I digress.

I visited Martha's Vineyard, went sailing, went to the beach, ate food constantly, sat in rocking chairs, visited Lowell and Westford and my beloved Boston. I for once was a for-real tourist in Fanuel Hall. It's much better that way. Most cities don't have areas like that - street performers, shops, ocean, canolli's, etc all right there. We made a Wally The Green Monster (now being called a dinosaur) at The Build-A-Bear factory, visited Fenway and ate at my favorite restaurant - the 99. Oh! And we rode the T. That alone brought back so many memories of waitressing and being poor, etc. All good stuff!

It's hot as balls in Georgia right now, high 90's every day! I am literally melting.
Flydi

Red Sox Nation South!

Yeah baby! What a dose of home I recieved this weekend! My boyfriend bought tickets to all three of the Red Sox games versus the Braves this past weekend. Yep, I went to a baseball game Friday night, Saturday afternoon and again on Sunday night. Sunday was the best game by far! The red sox fans out numbered the braves fans by 5-1, and what a rude awakening for Brave's fans. They dont have the same passion for their team like the red sox fans do. Nothing feels better than 40,000 people cheering "Let's go red sox" over and over. Felt like home somewhat. The Brave's fans couldn't be heard for christ sake. The Atlanta Journal Constitution called Turner field "Red Sox Nation South" on Monday. Out in the parking lots the tailgating was mainly being done by Red Sox fans. It was just great! I heard comments like this "ahhh those fucking christians!" dripping with a Boston accent - all because some huge church choir from Georgia came out to sing. Ahh music to my ears. He was even a fat sweaty bastard and as he hiked up to the very top row, where we were all sitting, my boyfriend pointed out his ticket stub. It was stuck somewhat "under" his arm, in his armpit. I was baffled. "Do you think he knows it's there?" I said. We really couldn't tell.

So, here are a few notes for the idiot Brave's fans I came across:

1. We are not booing home-run-hitting extroadinare Kevin Youkilis, we are cheering "Youuuuuu!"

2. Dont ever wear a yankees hat or shirt "just for fun" and expect us to be nice, dumb asses. It's similar to the "issues" ya'll have over the civil war.

3. Northerner's swear. get over it.

4. Stop with the racial degradation of our two best players, Manni and Papi. Do you know how big David Ortiz is? He is 6'4, 230 pounds. And, they are not from Mexico you dumb fucks.

Flydi

Shalom in the Home

I just caught 1/2 of an episode of the new show on TLC, Shalom in the Home. It's like a Jewish Dr. Phil who makes house calls. No really, it is. He coaches extremely disfunctional families via earpieces through their typical fights and button pushing. I heard an old saying "life is 10% experience and 90% of how you react to it". I used to live by this and have clearly forgotten all about it! I spend a good part of my day feeling frustrated with work, life, etc (don't we all?) and have recently started remembering little anecdotes like the one I mentioned above.

So what I want to know is - What producer is going to step up to reality show hamster-wheel of joint custody? I want to see them make that work! They wont even need to create drama out of nothing - there will be plenty of it regardless! Please pick me.

Today I picked up my son after the long, 4-day stretch he spends every other week at his dad's house. He ran to meet me, barefoot, hugging me with his head on my shoulder and saying "mommie I MISS you! I LOVE you!" oooof. a giant wrecking ball to the chest! My heart hurts so much on that last day of being apart from him, I simply cant wait to hug him. I cant concentrate at work, everything I say cloaks how I really feel. Often I feel lost, faking my way through the moments I have to spend with those who have no idea what I am going through. I am so jealous of parents who see their children every single day. I wonder what that is like! Yes I get a "break" but it's hard switching gears from my non-kid days to kid-filled days. Ever see someone just sitting, alone in their car? you cant tell if they are listening to the radio, talking on the phone or whatever - that's me. It's been over a year now and I am shocked at how little this heartache has subsided. When I am out and about on my non-kid days, I want to scream to no one in particular "Cant you see I miss my beautiful boy!?" Now, before I get pep-talk emails from this post - let me assure you I know some parents never see their children, some people dont have children, etc and I should be thankful ( I AM - BIG TIME) to even have the days I have with my little guy. It still doesnt make me feel better.

keep on keepin' on!
Flydi

30th birthday pics

This is me, just after getting punched by a little "Saturday night fever" freakazoid. It's documented!

There's a theme here. Closing your eyes doth not make a shot less bad.

Something about wearing a tiara never gets old.

The fake fur bus, and once again....my eyes are closed.

Home made birthday cake. Even had a layer of peanut butter cups! Thanks T!

Hasta la vista 20's....

I made it! I am finally 30 and it's great! I am no longer "the kid" or the youngest one at the office. Apparently I appear to know things and I even have smile lines forming outside my eyes. I would however like the next 5 years to go by slowly so I can savor them like a well cooked Italian meal. Turning 30 reminds me of opening the back door of my childhood home, coming in out of the freezing cold to a warm (often drafty) old house with the smell of brownies filling the air. Cheesy description but it's true. I feel welcomed here in my 30's, most people I talk to look back on their 20's and say "boy your 30's are so much better". Your 20's are like this arduous obstacle course with booby traps and trap doors.

My 20's were full of mistakes and experiences, obviously all of them molding me into the person I am now but goddamn it was hard! I ate pasta with salt on it cause I was so broke. I didnt have enough money to pay T fare to get to my miserable temp job stuffing envelopes. My relationships with men were part of my identity and my time was governed by whether or not my current boyfriend was with me. I had no idea who I was, how strong I was - I simply seemed to survive. That's no way to live! C'mon now, waiting around for your man to call you? that's a bunch of crap!

Now I feel rather confident in just chilling out. Taking a break from the panic and fear of "oh no! I am not going to make it!" and enjoying all that I have accomplished. How often do we do that in our lives? It's never enough, we have to make more money, buy more stuff, etc. etc.

I dropped my son off at daycare today. He is growing up at a rapid pace these days and my heart hurts knowing I am missing 50% of his time. He was fine, he enjoys his school and friends. Today his class was on the playground and he ran in all excited to see his friends. A minute went by and he turned to the fence, realizing I was leaving and walked up to where he could see over the fence and waved "bye mommy" to me several times. It's heartwrenching. I have to force my feet to turn and get in the car. My brain tortures me with "what if this is the last moment you ever see him?" - it's awful. As I walked away I heard a faint " I love you" in the distance as he continued to wave to me. Makes me cry as I type this. Motherhood sure teaches you how to feel each moment of your life, good and bad.

My sister recently got married. She is beaming and so happy. Her wedding actually helped me see some of the romantic side of marrying the right person. Family drama aside, the wedding was just what she wanted and hearing her choke up during her vows woke me up. I have been pressing snooze on romance for quite sometime folks, assuring people that I didnt need it, it was no good and to watch out for it if it happens. What is my problem? ok, so I am awake now and boy romance feels good when you aren't busy looking for the other shoe to drop!
Flydi

Mother's Day 2006

Infamous words from this weekend....

1. "This is the first time I have ever given a girlfriend a mother's day gift"


Some words of advice to those who have children in diapers, DONT take a child to the mall who you have just started to make wear underwear instead of diapers. It's one giant trip to the bathroom, over and over. Feels like banging your head against the wall. Just when you think "ok. now that that has been taken care of we can go shopping....." you get another surprise. Many possibilities arise just as you walk to the furthest point in the mall from the bathroom. You have to take their shoes off, help them use the toilet, change them out of their soiled clothes, put them in fresh clean clothes, shoes back on, wash their hands, etc. It's exhausting.

All just part of the job though, a job I am happy to have. I intend to document our journey from diapers to boyhood well so he will fully understand how big a bouquet he should send me on Mother's Day.

This year I have my boyfriend in my life who agressively upheld his "Mr. Wonderful" title by ensuring I had a nice mother's day. I cant help but think of the irony of this. My son is not his child nor his responsibility and yet he went out of his way to make sure I had a nice day. We enjoyed a nice breakfast together, he gave me a gift certificate for a massage and lastly he painted my toenails while my son took a nap. Yes, he painted my toenails. I LOVE THAT! More than the massage or anything. I sat there staring at him while he carefully did this (clearly he has had lots of practice, but I dont need to wander down that thought path) in disbelief. He kept thinking I was inspecting his work, looking for mistakes. He had no idea how shocked I was. I didnt care if he painted my whole damn toe red, it was the mere fact that this was even happening that touched me. Some man, unrelated to my son was pampering ME on mother's day. I had to fight off my usual "no no no, I can paint my own toes..." and just let it happen. *sigh*

Flydi

Doesn't matter how hot you are...

Seriously. Guys, it doesnt matter how hot you are, if you are old enough to apply for an AARP card it's just not going to work. I dont care if you are "in your 40's" which means you're pushing 50. I dont want to wait in line so you can get your food for $.55 cents cheaper than me thanks to your AARP card.

Why on earth do we hot young women find older men so attractive? I mean I have always dated older men, ALWAYS. It's just how it goes when you are a smartass like me. Boys my age are still playing video games and watching MTV Real World with the hopes of one day getting on the show. For me dating older men was the only way I could avoid running through the wall during dinner like a Looney Tunes character leaving just the outline of body in the wall. I have been told many times that I am intimidating and that anyone who dates me needs to have his shit together and be super confident in himself. Great compliment, but why does it seem that women are simply surpassing men as a species in general? It seems that there are more and more men out there who simply subscribe to the "I am just gonna sit here in my easychair and take up space and then one day I will die". That's it? You dont have to give Mother Theresa a run for her money but do something with your life. Also, those men who are wealthy and draped with women who own fake-boobs need to take a real hard look at reality. Dude, if you were broke she wouldnt want to screw you. It's that simple. Why are you settling for that?

Playboy has an article out about plastic surgery for women's more private bits. HOW INSANE is that?? After creating and growing your precious children we then have to worry about how tight a fit we are to you men - again focusing on YOUR satisfaction instead of ours? Why are we, as smart sexy women tolerating the increased pressure on us to get bigger boobs and "prettier" pussies? Why are we not throwing a fit (clearly I am) over the giant pot-bellied-men waddling around golf courses? I think we should require men to complete a Survivor-like obstacle course before they get laid. Nuff said. Big tits or not, if they cant finish the course they dont get laid.

All fired up!
Flydi

Great hair day!

I am gonna kill whoever invented Pop Tarts

I go through phases where I eat really well. It usually lasts for months. Things like swiss chard, tofu, spinach, organic everything, no sweets or desserts, blah blah blah. This is not one of those phases all because of the damn cherry Pop Tarts in the vending machine at work. I get so hungry and they start calling my name. I drift over there like a cartoon-ribbon and simply push C3 and down they fall. Before I realize it they are gone and I still unsatisfied. Curses you POP TARTS!!! I went years and years without you, having no recolection of your taste and now I am ruined. On one rushed morning I skipped my "extra protein" oatmeal and zoomed into work starving. You preyed on me. You knew I would cave.

Today I showed you. I otped for the granola bar (300 less calories!) instead.

With that said, Pop Tarts has an amazingly entertaining website with little pop tart cartoons. Chock full of pop tart drama.

Triathlon #3

I am now officially a "triathlete" by my own standards. In my warped mind I determined that I wouldn't refer to myself as a triathlete until I had finished three races. So, yesterday I officially became one. This race was so nerve racking for me. After my race in Oregon last year I vowed to train all winter and come back with a vengence. I joined a tri-club, I swam, I lifted weights, I ran and ran and ran, I bought a fancy street bike and all the gear. What I didn't do was buy or wear a wetsuit ever. This was such a mistake on my part! I mean all of my training really helped out - I actually enjoyed this race more than anything as I was finally strong enough to do it. However, since it was April and the race started at 8AM we were allowed to wear wetsuits. I had heard that a wetsuit gives you bouyancy, making it easier to swim, so I was excited about this! I borrowed one from my coach and hung it on my closet door for a month - never swam it, just looked at it.

I wanted to puke I was so nervous standing on the beach yesterday. I was in the last wave, and waded into the water with both MEN and women (this is strange to swim with men). The announcer shouted "30 seconds" and I had to resist the urge to shit myself. Then the buzzer - and we're off like a "heard of turtles". ha ha. I swam so well for the first 100 or 200 yards! Bi-lateral breathing and full on crawl stroke thanks to many many laps in the pool this winter. The wetsuit kept me on top of the water, it was fabulous...well except I couldn't breathe. The suit was too tight and I could'nt take a deep breath...and I started to panic. I flipped over on my back to try to un-do the velcro neckline and unzip it. No dice. I flopped around a little more, doggie paddled or something - I dont really remember. I finally got the zipper unstuck and pulled the top off of my shoulders and let it drag around my waste. AIR, wonderful air filled my lungs and stopped panicing. It's amazing how instinctual we actually are as humans. I had to force myself to focus and start swimming again not to mention the "Diane it's ok just swim" I kept repeating to myself. I passed people! I swam and swam and kept passing people (there is NO better feeling than that, I am sorry). Finally I got out of the water and walked up the hill to my bike - my strength. I was so freaked out from the swim I took my time getting ready for the bike. It was an odd feeling of "why did I do that to myself" and dissapointment in myself.
I snapped out of it and slammed into the bike course with vengence! I am a badass on my bike!
I averaged a good 20mph throughout most of the course. Often I wanted to let up on the pace but told myself "you f-ed up the swim, the bike is the only thing you are good at so peddle damnit!", and there you have it. I raced into the transition for the run feeling redeemed and hoping I could run the whole way.
Sadly at the last 1/2 mile I ran off course as there was no sign and no person directing us to turn right. About 20 of us ran straight for about 5 minutes and realized we were off course. THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!! I finished the race, and got a nice hug from my sweetie - another added bonus to this triathlon - my own fan!

As I wrote this I was getting bummed out - then I realized that I had a great race. I put my face in the water this time! I did the crawl for the most part instead of the side stroke, I had friends there from the tri club I am member of. I ran the whole way and then some! I finished. I started. I have my very own fan club this year.

Cancer cluster found in Ashland?!

Woah, I just read this and am somewhat surprised that "they" would even admit that this exists! What happens now? Do the families get to sue? sue who exactly? I am so convinced that companies KNOW that the chemicals they put in the products we buy, consume, eat, swim in, touch....trust actually harm us.

click here to read the article on Boston.com

I used to live on the south shore of Boston. My former fiance and I both have thyroid disease. I find it hard to believe that that is a coincidence. He had a tumor on his thyroid he needed removed, I developed Grave's Disease. Just pointing out the ol' "must have been something in the water thing"....

Doggie Daycare

How come I can log on to a website and view my dog, laying around, playing, etc while she is at doggie daycare but I cant log on to a site and see MY OWN DAMN SON while he's at daycare???

just something to think about...

Grave's Disease again....

Ok, less than 2 weeks until my first triathlon of the "season". I have been training non-stop for a year now and think I am in a different place physically and most certainly mentally. This winter I joined a tri club and learned how to swim. In fact, I can even swim 3x's the distance I need to swim for my races. Last night was a new experience for me in the pool. We removed the lane markers, and swam circles around human buoys for a 1/2 hour as a group. A "group swim" if you will meant to prepare us for the open-water mayhem of triathlons. Seriously! It's no joke. About 100 people (some numbers are way higher than that) start swimming all at the same time. People swim over each other, kick one another and simply dont care if you dont like it. It's pretty hard to give them the ol SuperFly-Snuka while immersed in water! Anyway, last night was the first time I felt the water pulling me forward, thanks to all of us creating a whirlpool effect as we swam along in a group. Very cool.

My Grave's disease is back. I had a feeling it was rearing it's ugly head - the typical symptoms were showing up last month. I was somewhat sad about this at first as this disease increases my heart rate making it very difficult to workout and train and SLEEP. Flip side is the weight loss. But I'll keep my insane female body-image issues to myself. Regardless I have worked too hard to let this disease eat away at my muscles again rendering me unable to even lift a gallon of milk out of the fridge!

I did enjoy my recent visit with my endocrinologist though. She really explained all of my lab history to me and calmed my fears of the simple radiation treatment they prescribe for Grave's patients. She also informed that I would have an easier pregnancy after receiving this treatment and it would be nothing like the puke-fest I endured with my son. Something about that made me smile.

Sebastian Bach, oh how I love thee.....still.

My crush from 1989 has never faded, it grows ever stronger each year and rears it's Aqua Net head when I least expect it. I logged on to my beloved Sebastian Bach's website today to see what he is up to. After all he has been busy since his famous "18 and Life" and "I remember you" days staring in broadway shows, VH1's "I Love the 80's" and lately guest appearances as a pizza delivery dude on Gilmore Girls. A friend of mine even recorded an episode for me because it is a well-known fact I love this guy. How pathetic is that?

Pitter Pat, pitter pat goes my little heart. What is it about this guy I love so much? He's 6' 7 or somethin and still has a flat stomach and massive amounts of enthusiasm for whatever he does.

Nah that's not it. It's his style, his sense of humor, his "what you see is what you get" attitude. This quote made me bust out laughing:

"One down side to a career like Sebastian's, where country-hopping and coast-to-coast flights are all a part of the daily grind, is being away from one's family (often for months at a time). Regardless, Bach would never complain about the negatives that come with traveling and rock 'n' rolling all over the world."If you're gonna play the game, fuckin' get ready, or you're toast," he said energetically. "And if you're not prepared for all the attention and the time away from home and everything, don't do it. "I read about all these British bands who are huge in England and they try to crack the States, and I laugh at these articles, like the guys in The Darkness saying, 'We had no idea how big America was- like the drives between the shows.' I'm like, 'Shut the fuck up!'" Sebastian broke out laughing. "You're complaining about driving to the next city? Why do you do this? You're lucky to be driving to the next town. 'It's so hard. I didn't know how big America was.' Then fuck off back to England!"

You can see for yourself here....You can be sure I will be tuned in on May 18th to VH1 to see the new reality rock band show he is staring in with Ted Nugent, Scott Ian, Jason Bonham. etc. The show is called "Supergroup". Um hello???? Ted Nugent? Does anyone remember the reality show where he chased idiots around his farm and shot at them? I cant wait to watch this show!

I gotta go do my hair!
Flydi

I consider myself a "Millennial Mom"

Fast Company published this fabulous article about "who are the moms of 2005". It's more about reaching these moms from a marketing perspective, but I was still intrigued by the different descriptions. I am exactly their description of the "Millennial Mom". And for those who are taking note I was 26 when my son was born.

"Age 27 or younger, Millennial Mom is the newest mom on the block, and she's the first generation to use technology to seamlessly blend work and life. Not long out of college or high school, she's facing many firsts: marriage, babies, insurance, jobs, maybe even owning a house. Hyper-connected and beyond tech savvy, Millennial Mom's world is both physical and virtual, bringing social connection and life-skills management as close as a computer or cell phone. She's busted out of previous generations' isolation challenges during those early, tethered-to-the-house years. You'll find her plugged into Myspace.com or TheNest.com, sharing worries, excitement, and ideas with her online family. Products like mythum mobile coupons and Infinity Broadcasting Visual Radio -- delivered right to her cellphone -- resonate with her values of connectivity and access, seamlessly going where she goes."


They forgot to mention divorce as one of the many firsts she might be experiencing! I dont recall much from those hazy first 6 months of mommyhood. I do remember the voracious reading I was doing to learn how to be a mom. haha. I signed up on Babycenter.com, parent magazine, etc etc to make sure I was learning the latest way to make baby food at home. Last weekend I pulled out my "The Happiest Toddler On The Block" book just to check on some interesting behavior patterns my son is now demonstrating. It occured to me that I hadnt read any baby books, magazines or how-to guides on parenting in quite a while! My motherhood-confidence had apparently stepped in a while ago when I wasn't looking and guess what is so cool about that? I TRUST MYSELF to make the best decision for my child on my own! woo hoo!

And to think I didnt know how to change a diaper when he was born!

It's that time of year again....

It is spring - big time. Flowahs everywhere, growing grass and love. In Bambi they actually call it "Twitterpated" - which I am happy to report I am in fact twitterpated with my Elvis loving man. He uses the word "wicked" and I feel my homesickness loosening it's grip on me. He cooks me dinnah! He calls me jellybean which really makes me giggle like an idiot - it's sooooo dainty, which I am not. But I am eating it up. In fact I am surprised at how well this is going, seriously. I spend a lot of time thinking "is this real?" as I search the sky for the proverbial "other shoe". He plays with my son making him belly laugh till he gets the hiccups. How'd I get so lucky?

I dont want to jinx it anymore than I have so I am going to stop here.

Next subject. I am a co-maid of honor in my sister's wedding. This is fine, but bridal headquarters has made the BRA events (bridesmaid related activities - care of head honch ho) somewhat pricey. I fear I have offended my little sis by not attending a very expensive bachelorette party in Vegas. I called her in fact and told her I was so sorry I was too strapped to go but I came up with a brilliant suggestion! "how bout in a couple years when you are sick of your husband we plan a trip together instead?". Which, I think is a much better idea! I just hope she does....

The Eviction Process; aka HELL

I need to vent! I have tried really hard over the past year to "keep" my real estate investments going. Seriously, I own two houses, both are rented. ONE is rented to a LOSER. Big time. She has never paid her rent on time, usually about 2 weeks late and always after I have called her several times. FOUR of her checks have bounced. Which causes all kinds of chaos in my own account. She paid her rent super-late in February and then her check bounced. That's the last time I received any money from her, actually January was the last time I received any money from her that was valid. At this point she owes me about $1200 bucks. So, I called her and called her. No answer. No return phone calls. I filed eviction paperwork. This costs $70 bucks. She had 7 days to respond to get a hearing. She responded that it was "all just a misunderstanding, I intend to pay past due rent ASAP". Now it is March, and rent is due, again. Her tab is up over $2400 plus court fees. Keep in mind the mortgage is still due, as is my rent. I am not happy about paying for two households although it is apparent that this what I do in March. Last year I got divorced in March and had to pay for both houses from December through April as my loser x husband wouldnt and since his name wasnt on anything he didnt really have to. I digress. We had a court date for 4pm on a Tuesday. An hour before the court date the tenant from hell CALLS ME and leaves me a message that she wont be in court and that she called the court to let them know. WHAT? It's not a nail appointment you can just reschedule! It's a hearing, in front of a judge!! So I go to court, she doesnt show, I get a court order (this all took a painful 3 hours...) and apply for a "writ of possession". I have to pay $20 dollars for this. This is the drama portion of the process. I now have to wait for a marshall to call me and schedule an appointment to evict her and place her belongings on the public right of way. It's been over 2 weeks since that day, I still have not heard from the marshall and according to the court I am not allowed to go to the house until I do. Meanwhile April is fast approaching and I am still not collecting any of the money this girl owes me! Her tab is up to $2600 and April is only a few days away.

Eviction. There are too many laws protecting tenants. I pay for this house. I am responsible for this house. She does not have any babies that would be out in the cold if I kicked her out. In fact, her very own reason for not paying the rent was because she was on vacation in Costa Rica!!!

So she is still living in my house, for free. I am very angry about this.
Flydi

Purple Rain

OOOh! I got to see Prince last night courtesy of the "boyfriend of the year" candidate. Well actually it was this morning as he didnt come on stage till 12:20am. The ol' brain is a little foggy today. Prince is on tour, playing guitar for Tamar, Toni Braxton's younger sister. Tamar can sing! She can dance! She's gorgeous! I did some homework before the show and read reviews from other cities they had been to. Apparently Prince didnt play much of his own material and kept it all on Tamar. Not the case in the ATL though. The lights all went dark and then ...only the purple ones came on.....and OH MY GOD he played Purple Rain!! He segued right into Go Crazy, and the Tabernacle did. The floor was bouncing! Great show....here's a video of Prince for you all taken just before a bouncer could figure out *who* had a camera and yank it out of their hand.


Video Sharing at DropShots.com

Man I am such a slacker!

Sorry I just couldn't think of anything snazzy to write about lately. Well, except for the utter prehistoric move South Dakota recently made against female reproductive rights. What the fuck is going on here? Why are we now going backwards? Do I have to go march bra-less in DC somewhere to resurrect the women's feminist movement of the 60's? How on earth did South Dakota get away with this? I mean they are tucked way up there in the frozen tundra section of our country away from societies that actually contribute to the betterment of mankind.

Nah, I don't want to get into the pro-choice conversation. I considered writing about Kristin Armstrong's article in Glamour about the reality of marriage. She hits the nail on the head baby! We throw all these parties for newly-engaged girls, usher them up the aisle and promptly turn the other cheek to the REALITIES of marriage when most of us know how awful it can get. I realize that advice on how to stay married, not loose yourself in marriage and grow with your partner are not words a sweet wedding-crazed bride-to-be wants to hear, however it's time we plucked our heads out of the sand and stopped the commercialization of "love". I mean we are not stooooopid, but we refuse to believe our handsome husband-to-be could possible be someone we would want to kill, especially over something dumb like snoring? Why not take a different approach to lifetime commitment? Instead of feeling like the plush toy "selected" by the metal claw and bedazzled (branded?) with a giant diamond ring why don't we give the man an obstacle course and some logic puzzles?

Nah, I need a new subject. I always bash marriage even though I really want to live happily ever after. How am I going to get away from my jaded stance of marriage and head towards my ideal of warm family meals, wally-wagon type family vacations and belly-laughing moments with more children? Any suggestions will be considered.

Lastly, there is a new show. "The New Adventures of Old Christine" staring Julia Louise Dreyfus as a single mom! It's fantastic! I just happened to catch the premiere of this new show last night. It's fantastic! Bravo! I will now watch this show every Monday night and feel fabulous that I too am a single mom.

Flydi

This Infuriates Me!

I cant believe how prehistoric some of our states are! What is wrong with you Mississippi???? What gives a state the right to force a woman who has been RAPED to go through a nine month pregnancy and have a child? Why is she not given the choice? I don't think abortion should be used as a form of birth control - I do think unwanted pregnancy is a difficult situation and should be evaluated on a case by case basis. Regardless it seems to me that Mississippi is missing the boat here. Why not offer counseling services for women who are dealing with unplanned or unwanted pregnancies?

This is the exact paragraph that sent me into a tail spin:

JACKSON, Miss. - A state House committee voted to ban most abortions in Mississippi, which already has some of the strictest abortion laws in the nation. The bill approved by the House Public Health Committee on Tuesday would allow abortion only to save the pregnant woman's life. It would make no exception in cases of rape or incest. The bill now goes to the full House, which could vote next week, and then to the Senate.

Boy am I fired up!
Flydi

How is it you are doing as well as you are??

Someone said that to me today just after I told him about my psychic Aunt. This guy is a co-worker and gets the privilege of listening to all of my stories about the variety of characters that make up my family. Top 2 are definitely my mom and my psychic Aunt. My Aunt has been on the Discovery channel, Unsolved Mysteries, TLC, etc for her psychic detective work. It's a little out there but hey - if she is solving crimes why not?

My mother on the other hand, has taken it upon herself to lob comments at me that will either fluster me, embarrass me or cause those we are with to think "holy shit, did she actually say that out loud?". I am not sure why this happening but I am thankful that those that care for me don't take her comments too personally. After all most people are used to being asked if they have a criminal record and massive amounts of debt right? right? no? During the same conversation my former fiance' was brought up AS WELL AS my x-husband, all to rattle my latest hunk, I am sure. She had it out for him. He rolled with it - but really now! Why would you ask me about "the beautiful watch your x fiance gave you, do you still have that?" during dinner? She knew the answer to this - I am clearly wearing it on my wrist. This is very similar to pulling the pin out of a grenade with your teeth and lobbing it into your neighbors pool party. Prior to this I was complimented in a very old-fashioned and rather romantic way by the aforementioned hunk: "Diane is one of the most amazing women I have ever met" he says. Her response? Are you even ready for it?? "Oh, you are not the only man to ever say that to her, trust me."

GASP! WHAT???!!! I mean that could be a compliment whereby lots of men think I am amazing - that was not the angle she was taking. Trust me. How had my very own mother become the wingman to my x's?? oy vey!

So, back to my subject of "How is it you are doing as well as you are?". Am I? One could ration that I am not doing that well afterall. In fact I have some serious catching up to do. My Aunt is an INTERNATIONAL PSYCHIC DETECTIVE, what am I????! For a week now I have pondered posting things about my own mother. I felt guilty about it until I realized writing and publishing it might just keep her from doing it again! AH HA! I am onto something here! Now if I could take the dinner event mentioned above and toss in some jello shots and pushup contests I would have a family event a little more like this guy: Bad News Hughes.

more to come......

The Space Between My Heart and ...

I have two identities. Two lives almost. Over the past year they cropped up. Both are very much "me" and not some fantasy land I live in, but I cant help but feel the effects of both existing. What I am getting at is the person I have to be when my son is not with me, and the person I am when he is with me. People meet me when I am not with him and say things like "You're a mom?!" which is both a compliment and an insult. I am relieved that I don't look like the stereotypical mother (c'mon you all know what that is) but saddened that I don't have this outwardly maternal presence. Or at least I cover it up. I see babies on tv now and cant change the channel, I am mesmerized by their adorable feety pajamas. I cant bear to watch children in danger in the movies, and I feel sick to my stomach if something happens to a child on the nightly news. Anyway. When my son is not with me my heart hurts, I don't pay attention to people's stories as much and I still cant go in his room without it affecting me somehow. It feels so unnatural to actually BE a mother who is not allowed to BE with her child. It's as though you are talking to someone who as on a wig. You know they are wearing a wig, they know they are wearing a wig but everyone is supposed to pretend like's it actually real hair??

For example. I was in a certain part of the city this weekend, running errands. My son was with his dad. I later found out that I was less than a block away from them at the same time! That even feels weird to type let alone experience. I mean I had NO IDEA I was so close to my little son. "Bumping into" my 2 1/2 year old just doesn't fit my view of parenting. It brings back the horrendous memory I have of sitting in my lawyers office listening to him say, "Diane, you cant control every single moment of your child's life anymore with joint custody. You're gonna have to get used to that". I twisted my hands together and sobbed in the big red leather chair with brass studs. At that moment it was all I could do to actually sign the divorce papers I had been carrying around with me for months. Obviously staying miserably married wasn't an option - I just couldn't believe the price my son and I would have to pay as a result. These are the things I think about when someone is talking to me. Especially if I am really missing my son. So to those of you I do this to I am truly sorry.

See? I can be domestic sometimes.

Confederate Flags, Walmart and Cell Phones

These are all things I have issues with. When I first moved to Atlanta I couldn't believe that this city would even put the Confederate Flag up for a "vote" to re-become the state flag! Daily, an article would appear in the AJC about how much heritage surrounded the rebel flag. Now, as a Yankee I found this SHOCKING. How on earth was this possible? There are actually people living here that think this is a good idea? I would see the Rebel Flag proudly waving in the breeze from the back of a jacked-up truck covered in mud. They also took the form of bumperstickers. How could people want a flag representing their sweet, southern state that signified so much pain for the majority of the Georgia population? Fortunately Georgia was able to come to their senses and went with a less-offensive version.

Next up is WalMart. I WONT shop there. Wont is a very powerful word. It means that I could in fact do something, I just choose not to. Walmart wont do business ethically and seeks to create quite the facade through their advertising that they are in fact, contributing to society. This is accomplished by hiring sweet elderly people to greet me at the door, hiring illegal aliens to work a bazillion hours a week with no benefits and to top it off, buying products offshore that are made by little children with no shoes on their feet. How can one shop there and not feel guilty about feeding the WalMartavore?

Onward to my disdain for Cell Phones. Stop answering them, you are simply not that important. Don't talk on the phone while ordering your meal at a restaurant. Don't call me and then put me on hold simply because your call waiting beeped, you're not that important. If you are a cellphone addict don't go to my gym and chat while you *pretend* to work out. You are clearly not working hard enough if you can chat on the phone! DON'T go to the bathroom at work while talking to YOUR CLIENTS on the phone. Don't ride your bike and talk on the phone, (I cant believe people do that) and lastly please stop disciplining your children while you talk to me, really now you can call me back after taking care of the situation.

Johnny Cash loves me!

I came across this note to a woman named "Diane" at Sun Studios. It reads:

"To Diane, Best Wishes, Johnny Cash"

Elvis and I are now good friends

Boy am I refreshed! A good dose of Memphis ought to fix anyone. Seriously, if you cant have fun there you are an idiot. Blues, Bar-B-Q, Beer and The King of Rock n' Roll. What more could ask for? Aside from a tall dark handsome guy to sing you Elvis songs.

Graceland is surprising. Nestled into the ghetto of Memphis and nowhere near Beale St., it boasts an extensive amount of heart wrenching sentimentality. Fans are shuttled onto the beloved property and allowed to paruse the first floor, basement and grounds *ONLY*. No flash photography (unless by accident, like MOI), no video and dont even think of trying to walk onto the property if you happen to walk by. Aside from these oddities it was very moving. I found myself irritated with Lisa Marie and her complete lack of charisma given who her own father was.

Moving on you have to hit Beale St where you can buy beer from a "walk-up-window" at a bar and then continue on down the road, beer in hand. Blues music is everywhere! I felt like a little kid walking up to a parade thinking "oh let's go here, wait this looks better, let's go here" and ending with "man where do I start!".

Go to Memphis. Stay at the Peabody Hotel. Watch the ducks come off the elevator and dive into the hotel's fountain. Visit Graceland and pay some respect to Sun Studios. Then dance the night away at the Rum Boogie Cafe.

Hunting

So. I just remembered this story while out walking my dog. I was thinking about some of the weirdest dates I had been on thus triggering an e-contest with my friends to see who could come up with the oddest and/or funniest date. Votes are still rolling in, but I believe I may have the winner.

A while ago I met a nice guy for a late dinner at a diner. He is very handsome, big blue eyes, tall, fit, nice smile - ya know all the superficial stuff. He swore that he "loved kids" and even had the job to prove it as he is a middle school phys ed teacher. I thought "ok, this guy has some potential". Woooo hooo was I wrong! Man I am already laughing as I type this thinking back to when I thought this was even a possibility.

Ok, the first red flag goes a little somethin' like this: during dinner he talks about sleeping with some girl who showed up at his friends house when they were watching football. He had never met her before, wasnt attracted to her but since she was willing "why not?". Sleeping is a much kinder word than what he used. I dont even remember why he was telling me this!

Next was the description of how he typically meets women. "I go to the mall and have no problem asking girls for their phone number. Sometimes I run into my students and ask them where all the nice girls are." WTF????? His students?? PICKING UP CHICKS AT THE MALL??? This bohunk is almost 40 folks. Yuck.

He tried to convince me to let him come over to my house. Bad idea. All I wanted to do was have the date end! I told him that we didnt have a lot in common and that I wasnt the right girl for him. He continued to ask me why, and with each attempt I grew more and more impatient with him as he clearly didnt get that I was an inch away from shoving an apple in his mouth and roasting him on a spit. I did however manage to tell him that my dog loved to go swimming, leading into the fact I am an outdoorsy type person and he is not - YET another reason we were not a good fit.

His response is painfully funny. He launched into a description of hunting with his cats. Yes ...CATS. "hunting is about as outdoorsy as you can get" he said, "I felt bad for my cats so I brought them with me one day to hunt squirrels." I naturally assumed the cats were on their own, but I went ahead and asked anyway "How did you keep track of your cats while you were laying very still in the grass hunting squirrels?". He replied with, I kid you not, "Oh I didnt let them out of the carrier! Christ they would have run away! I just wanted them to watch me."

Such a waste of a handsome man. *sigh*

Sleep

I recently came across this picture and it made me laugh out loud. I am so completely asleep in this picture, I remember that exact night of sleep very well. It was the first night my son had slept through the night! He was three months old and we were visiting my family in Massachusetts.

The little guy is so cute in this picture, big bags under his eyes yet so tickled to be laying there! He hasnt changed a bit!

Sleep well, ya'll. ha .ha.

Flydi

First Trip to the Beach

The Nationwide Virtual Cat Fight

Wow, what a busy week it has been here at Blogdamnit headquarters. People are even calling me about all of the posts on here, not to mention the additional debating going on at happy hour. "To each his own" and "live and let live" seem to be the theme. Some think it is the god-given right for Southern Belles to live in their 1940's style of ignorance assuming those that don't live like they do are awful people and should git thy-self to church ASAP. The master manipulators that they are, they must be exhausted trying to make this world a better place while looking so darn perfect at the same time. I may just start a national "wear white shoes in October" day to drive them nuts. Pushing those Belle's buttons is irresistible!

All of this bickering made me think back to the all-women triathlon I finished this past summer. Let me first remind you of how hard a triathlon is to begin with. It takes about 2 hours to finish sprint distance if you train for it. I was shocked to see sooooo many women there on race day. There were bionic types to couch potatoes. Most were there to start this race and become an entirely different person when they finished. I was amazed at how supportive the female species was to each other. Women were helping and cheering each other on during the swim, and as I started out on the run I realized that most men would NEVER support each other this way. That's what's so great about women, we rally for each other. The "strength in numbers" theme of the labor unions is instinctual to us. The bionic women who finished the race in an hour looped back around to run with women who were struggling and needed some cheerleading. It was simply amazing. Those that finished the race cheered on all the women who were still going. Women also did this when I was violently ill during my pregnancy. They would discover why I had a vacant stare on my face due to the extensive nausea I suffered from and they would help, immediately. Puking in public is humiliating and I remember this lady, a complete stranger getting out of her car and bringing me a warm washcloth to clean up with. Women are nurturers in many, many ways. All of their actions an expression of themselves.

Cat Fight
Pregnancy

Attack of the Southern Belles!

Drama! A southern belle has raised her Mary Kay spackled head and tried to attack! Of course, she is incognito and too afraid to leave her email address or her own blog link for me to respond to her pathetic attempt at “reprimanding” my evil ways. All she has done has further confirmed my opinion of “Sweet Southern Belles”, You’re FAKE. How can you be so sweet and caring, a self-appointed-motherhood-expert who hasn’t walked a mile ever – let alone in others shoes, and leave such a mean comment on a complete strangers blog? I bet you would even say “Bless your heart, you don’t even realize how much of a bitch I am” to me in person!

I fed her to the wolf pack this morning. My email has been buzzing away with responses and I just had to share with EVERYONE (that’s over 200 visitors per day) what went down with this loser from Florida.

Here’s what started it all:

SweetSouthernBelle writes:
Let me start off by saying .. I am a Southern Belle my mothere is from NC and my Father is from BOSTON .. and I can say with all honesty that my heart lies in the south .. I have spent time in both places .. and the south is a much friendlier kinder place to be. I have also noticed a trend with Women from the North that their priorities are a bit skewed.. Women such as yourself put themselves before their family and their children..Your carreer means more to you than your child .. Your "ME" time is more important to you than the time you could be spending with your child..sadly enough I have read your blog and was very unimpressed with the person you are ..It is not enough to just keep a human being "alive" you must have compassion and love and be able to ineract with that child on their level . It is not about knowing when they are going to fall or get hurt it is about being able to comfort that child when they do get hurt and have the gentleness that all mothers should have .. That touch that makes everything in the world right in that childs world. You are exactly what I would expect from a woman that was raised in Boston .. Please do not take that as a compliment because it is not intended as one ..I have read your entire blog and the only person you truly are concerned about is YOURSELF... Maybe if you were a better woman you wouldn't be divorced or maybe you could find yourself a nice well educated man.. As for myself I am a well educated Southern belle that puts my family ahead of everything else. So grow up and learn what is truly important in life .. Stop with all the "poor me's"and stop throwing yourself all the pitty parties you induldge yourself with .. and start being a REAL WOMAN and a REAL Mother! ! ! ! !


And here are the responses! Woo hoo!!

1. I think by 'Sweet Southern Belle' she really meant 'Stupid Southern Bitch'.
Clearly she has some issues if she has to lash out at strangers online!
And by writing a message like this she's only driving the entire point of your blog home.
Keep doing what you're doing. This woman will never be truly happy.

2. Holy crap, what a beaytch. Let's Google-bomb her.

3. Don't southern belles know that if you don't have anything nice to say, DON'T SAY
ANYTHING AT ALL?? A real care giver knows how to care for a family AND herself. This
lady is going to snap one day, trust me.

4. She needs to get laid.

5. What a bitch! I hope you put her in her place! She's probably at home, thumping her bible, praying for your soul and praying that you become a better mother! LOL LOL LOL LOL

6. Seriously, let me at her! I am appalled!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a freakin' beeeeatch! Yeah, she is just full of southern freaking charm. Puuullllllllllleeeasse!!!!!!!
Please, please tell me you won't take a single thing she said seriously. This woman has about as much individualism as a freaking lemming.
You're a wonderful mother and person. You grow stronger, smarter, deeper, wiser, and more beautiful every time I talk to you. You're open and honest and you put it out there. You care more about your son that anything. And you are still an individual. That is what gets me. Just because you have a child doesn't mean you have to be less of yourself. Your heart and mind did not shrink in order to make room for this child - they grew bigger. Too many people have children and a family as an excuse to stop being an individual.
Those who can't lead follow. Those who can't be a 21st century woman become her. They put their husband and their children and the rest of their family first because they have to. They can't think for themselves. It's easier that way. Individual thought takes time. It takes practice. And confidence. It is the essence of being human. Always making sure everyone else is happy isn't harder - it's easier. Never worrying about yourself - it's a cop out of your own life. Well, ya know what, southern belle, you're not yourself. You're no one. You're nothing. You're just some photoshopped face pasted into a family portrait. You don't have a personality. You are another faceless, SUV driving, Starbucks toting, manicured, dolled up, Kate Spade carrying, generic stepford wife whose life is on auto-pilot.
Trust me, Flydi is a more of a human being than you can ever hope to be. Now stop reading this blog and go back to your damn Nicholas Sparks novel.

6. Let me start off by saying that sweetsouthernbelle1215 should know about what she speaks before she pontificates or spews such ugliness. I know this "blogger" you speak of and I know her well. That you dog her makes me insanely upset. I see her every week with her child and know that nothing and no one is more important to her than this child. Having said that, she is an adult who has and will continue to provide for herself emotionally instead of placing that burden on her children as would appear you do. Your children have the potential to grow up with the inflated sense of self due to you making them the center of your universe. Take responsibility for your own emotional state and show your children by example as this "blogger" does every day. Do not burden your children with your "family first" crap attitude. We all have our family's needs first so don't go thinking you're something special with that directive or that you wrote the book on that topic. Because you choose to place your children's needs above your own needs gives them the sense that they are more important than others, that their needs will and must be met first before considering anyone elses. It will be our good- natured, well behavied, kind and caring chldren who will bail this country out of the financial and social ruins your children will leave it in and we will have people like you to thank for raising such selfish and self centered little bastards Like GW Bush.
Southernbelle1215, thank you from the bottom of my own southern heart. I am glad to know this blogger and find her to be one of the most repsectable, intelligent and kind mothers I've ever met. You've reminded me of how good she really is and off-center southern women can be. Thank the maker we aren't all like you!!


I love my life, thanks girls!
Flydi
southern belle
single mother
mother