Thursday, May 19, 2005

The Company You Keep

I love my girlfriends. They aren't afraid to discuss touchy subjects and will debate them with fearless abandon. From time to time we discuss important subjects via emails to "the group".
See below:

email #1

this was in the Atlanta Journal Constitution (AJC) yesterday. ok, fess up,who's the penis breaker among you??? Miss you all!
*****Court Rules Woman Not Liable in Sex SuitBy MICHAEL KUNZELMANAssociated Press WriterBOSTON — A woman isn't legally responsible for injuries her boyfriendsuffered while they were having consensual sex more than a decade ago, astate appeals court ruled Monday.The man, identified only as John Doe in court papers, filed suit againstthe woman in 1997, claiming she was negligent when she suddenly changedpositions, landed awkwardly on him and fractured his penis.The man underwent emergency surgery in September 1994, "endured a painfuland lengthy recovery" and has suffered from sexual dysfunction that hasn'tresponded to medication or counseling, the appeals court said.Although the woman may have exposed her boyfriend to "some risk of harm,"the three-judge panel said her conduct during the sexual encounter wasn't"wanton or reckless" and can't support a lawsuit.The man's lawsuit already has been thrown out by judges in Salem DistrictCourt and Essex Superior Court.

email #2 in response to email #1 (edited somewhat...)

So now I can get sued for being bad in bed? Great. Yet another thing to worry about. Thanks for the article. Very funny (and horrible). I'm so curious as to what "move" they were attempting. Do you think Jane Doe had to go to court all of these times? Yikes.
PS--Maybe JohnDoe's suit will disappear when he can keep a hard-on again.

Monday, May 09, 2005

The true meaning of Mother's Day in 5 steps: Step 1, be prepared.
Step 2: remove things stuck in hair.
Step 3: give back all candy removed from hair
Step 4: take a humiliating picture for use later.
Step 5: Dole out kisses to make everything all better.
Courtesy of The Scream Machine! Yahoo!

Sunday, May 08, 2005

The next future Mr. Myer

The previous Mr. Myer, aside from my dad, became very distraught that he received mail addressed to him wth his first name and my last name. I found this AWESOME. I didnt even plan for that to happen, but it did anyway. Hilarious. Obviously, I had the opposite reaction and felt very proud that I was changing prehistoric sexist rolls. I loved the credit card company who sent those letters. At any rate I refused to drop my maiden name when i got married. Just didnt want to. Hence why this mail began to show up addressed to Mr. (blank) Myer. Now that I think about it this might have been a future indicator on how this marriage would turn out....

So - the *next* Mr. Myer better find the aforementioned mail snafu funny when it happens to him. In fact he should be flattered and smart enough to know how it touches my insane liberal feminst side. Aside from this, here is a list of traits he should have from the shallow-end of the pool:

Blonde Hair, well brown is ok too.
Blue Eyes
Dry sense of humor
A brain
can play a musical instrument
can play and plays soccer
has been on an airplane more than 50 times
loves sailing and sail boats
has tools
has an old car/truck (pre 1980)
is taller than me
loves kids
drinks wine at Italian restaraunts
drinks beer at the ball game
drinks fruity drinks at the beach
a job (ha ha)

lastly, balls. Also known as "guts", "confidence" and "ego"
the last one is the most important as I think I know everything and need someone who isnt afraid to prove that I might be wrong. :)

That's all....
Mother's Day '05

3rd Annual Mother's Day

What a glorious day it has been! 82 degrees, bright sunny sky. As I was driving to brunch this morning I found myself feeling relieved that this day existed. Not because I need to be pampered or fussed over, rather a definitive "me and w" day - FOREVER. For the rest of my life this day will be my special day with my son. No one can deny that I am his mother, he is as impatient and as smiley as I am. This day feels like I have earned my stripes and I now have permission to be a little more special than most. I keep a human alive for christ sake! I keep him from falling, from running into the street, from falling down the stairs. I posses an instinct that is similar to the sonar on a submarine. I know where he is and when he is about to: fall, cry, laugh, bite,etc. Most of all I love him. I tickle his feet, and under his ear causing him massive hiccups as a result of belly laughing. I make sure he plays outside, that he dances and reads. Stimulating his mind is top priority for me. I am not bragging, this is simply what I must do. Those who are mothers understand the instinctive, slave-driving, guilt ridden nature of motherhood. It's an exhausting trait to have. However today I am proud that this two year old, with a lollipop stuck in his hair, is someone's son, because that means he has a mother. and that's me! :) shocking, I know.
My first mother's day was much different. I was 6 months pregnant and miserable. I was trying to get over the shock of being pregnant, let alone the fact that I would be a mother in the very near future. I read my mother's day cards with great apprehension and a little "oh shit. this is not a dream, I am already a mom." I had no idea how great it would be! Life is such a great teacher if you are willing to learn from it.