Sunday, December 31, 2006

December Horoscope

I came across this today, it's my horoscope for December;

"The theme for you and your romantic partner this month is truth – and the truth may not be so easy to bear. The more honesty that comes out between you and the one you love, the more you will realize that a shift needs to happen. Admit to yourself and the one you love that you have hit a turning point. Your current partnership may not be working out the way you had hoped. During the latter part of the month, set new rules for yourself and your beloved. A period of separation may be in order. Don't be afraid to set yourself free and start fresh."

Tonight, is apparently going to be exciting! I cant wait to find out what it could be!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

I'm Back Baby!

Awww shit she's back and this blog will return to lengthy descriptions of hot men and the dumb shit they say. I promise to include details, pictures, the good and the bad. Starting this weekend. Stay tuned.

I have some crazy broads for friends and I am so lucky to have them! They have been there while I blubbered away for the past couple weeks, and I cant thank them enough.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Jared Leto got a big ol' pair of pipes

DAMN! Thanks to my beloved XM radio I discovered "30 Seconds to Mars" today. All I could think during the song "From Yesterday" was:

1. Damn this dude can sing!
2. How the fuck will he sing/scream these songs over and over if they go on tour?

So I googled away and parused their website - not noticing the name "Jared Leto" as the lead singer. Then it clicked for me. THE Jared Leto is the dude wailing on the vocals?? No freaken way! I suddenly had so much more interest in him. I give their album 2 thumbs WAY up. Check em' out....

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Monday, December 18, 2006

Ringtones and the healing process

One of the first things one should do when going through a breakup is remove the stupidly-sweet ringtone you assigned to "schmoupy". I just did this. I removed "burning love" by Elvis and replaced it with "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar. Does wonders for me!! So theraputic!

And, on a very crazy note I have someone's wife emailing me. Dont even know her, or HIM. She has hacked into her husbands myspace account (god only knows why) and is so insane that she not only read my blog, she wrote me a three page email about how good and horrible her marriage is. I removed names but highlighted some of the horrendus parts for you all to read, as the women is very confused. This man doesnt know that she is doing this (or maybe he does?) - because I forwarded her crazy email to him and he obviously didnt see it cause pyscho woman deleted it before he could read it. I DESPISE this kind of web-based bullshit. Listen up you fucking self-absorbed people, leave me out of your craziness, I have my own issues to deal with! I have zero interest in your husband and zero interest in reading about another pathetic female clinging to a man for dear life. Liposuction?? come on! See below for the transcript, sorry it's a long one:

"Hi :
I know that this is going to be a really weird e-mail but I wanted to reach out to you because you have been communicating with my husband about joint custody. I know it is very wrong of me to pry into my husband's e-mail and I usually don't operate on that principle but I have been extremely insecure about myspace and his virtual life. I guess I want you to know the other side of our story before you give him more advice. T and I have been married six years and like all marriages we have had good times and bad. I love my husband deeply and feel very blessed that he married me. T is a wonderful man - he reaches out to people in need, is very intelligent, a great athlete and a wonderful father. He just happened to marry someone who is very needy and that is tough for him and for me. Outside of our marriage I am a confident, successful, very well-liked individual but within my marriage I seem to become a needy little girl who needs her husband to proud of her and gives her affirmation that she is doing everything right. Kind of pitiful, I know. My marriage is sacred to me and the most important commitment I have made to T, myself and God. I don't want to get a divorce as we really have no basis for one except that we have both been self absorbed and did not cherish our marriage the way that we should. I know I am not the perfect wife, I am not that smart or pretty, I have to work hard at keeping my weight off of me, I am not the CEO of a company or really anything remarkable, but I am a really nice, loyal person who tries to live life without hurting others. I am also very thoughtful to T, he does not have to do a thing around the house I work full-time and do all the housework, outside work, cooking, laundry, errands, shopping and the majority of childcare like feeding, bathing, dressing, brushing hair,etc.. I am not complaining I am happy to make a nice home for my family and allow my husband the time he needs to train for triathlons. T sleeps until at least 9:00 every morning and then never has to deal with the morning stress of trying to get our daughter off to school. I register him for all of his races and then make all the arrangements for us to go as a family so that we can be there to support him and cheer him on. I order his wetsuits and help him with his gear. On top of it all I take care of making sure all the household bills are paid. T has it really easy - he works and trains. Our friends are always saying how lucky he is to have a wife who does so much for him and is always there to support him in whatever he does. I think that T is seeking for perfection and that world just doesn't exsist. I believe God put us in a marriage to grow from each others imperfections and that together we grow into the perfection that God intends us to become through love. T wants me to have a perfect figure, which I don't - I am 5'3 and wear a size 8 which is pretty fat I know. (but I am getting liposuction to look better for him) He wants me to be a triathlete which frankly, I don't have the time or the skill to do that - between working and taking care of T and our daughter I only have time to get to the gym about an hour a day. I want to be perfect for my husband but gosh I just don't seem to be able to be all things. Anyway we got to this bad place in our marriage because I wanted T to appreciate me and thank me for the things I do for him and the more I asked him to do that the angrier he became. (it's that needy thing) and we have been seeing a counselor who has been working with us on trying to make our marriage better. The comment that T said the counselor made about us not staying married was taken out of context. The counselor does want us to stay married but she also wants us to work on communicating better and being kind and loving to each other. So that is the other side of the marriage - I know you told T he should get out but there is always more to a story than the one side as I am sure you know from your own marriage. Again, I love and cherish my husband and I am working hard on trying to be the wife he wants and deserves. So if you are going to give him advice, please keep in mind that it will have an effect on me and our daughter as well. If you feel you that you need to share this with T then I should let you know that he will be very angry with me but it won't be the first time. I just wanted to you to know because he has reached out to you for advice and I think you should have as much information as you can before you dispense advice. (at least that is what I try to do for people who seek it from me) On a final note - I love Atlanta, my brother and sister both live there and they are just wonderful people. My sister pratices medicine and my brother is a software engineer. They both live in Atlanta itself - near Highlands. My mama is probably going to move there as well once she retires in a year. Great city!!! Thanks for reading this and I do hope that you don't share it with T because of the rift it will cause but if you do then I understand as this was a risk I took in reaching out to you as a woman who is trying to hold on to her family. Take care D
PS - I am writing from my girlfriend's site as I don't have one of my own."

Saturday, December 16, 2006

"Goodbye to You"

Patty Smyth of Scandal recorded the best damn breakup song ever, titled "Goodbye to You". I have been listening to it for years and have recently resurected it's fantastic-ness (for obvious reasons). Mr. Asswipe has now confirmed what I suspected, he intended to end things after Christmas, that he doesnt love me in the same way he used to ..."those feelings are just gone" and that he has felt this way since end of October or so. He can offer no explanation and adamantly denies meeting someone else....I am not convinced. But he really wants me in his life, to be friends cause he loves me so much and I am fun. I believe his exact words were "you're my best friend".... How selfish can one be??

There is so much more to this than I can share to the world wide web, but my life is a disaster right now. Sorry readers - without going into detail - imagine the worst breakup ever, and multiply it. My loss is so massive I cant even get my brain around it. It's as though I am an actor in a movie, one you just route for over and over who keeps getting some shit deal. I seriously may write a book. This is just beyond comprehension to me. My heart has never been broken like this, and I am truly sad. I fumbled through Christmas shopping tonight, trying to keep moving and passing time pausing at self-help books and Elvis box sets. My son asked about him many times this weekend and the fury that burns inside of me over that is like nothing I have ever experienced. I could end up on Jerry Springer if I let it consume me.

Now, I have fantastic friends who keep calling me, coming over, offering food, etc. This makes me feel so loved and reminds me that a boyfriend should make you feel the same way. My son strokes my cheek and calls me sweetheart while singing some rendition of Jingle Bells and Fly Me to the Moon. I am so lucky.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

All I want for Christmas is a broken heart???

What kind of crap is that? I dont recall putting that on my list. At times I feel as though I might keel over and die from the heartached I am currently going through. It occurred to me earlier this week that my elvis-loving-suddenly-reclusive boyfriend was "holding on" through the holidays. So I ended it, OVER THE PHONE. Awful, I know but when the words poured out of my mouth, my alter-protective-ego took over. I shocked myself. I just simply couldn't wait for Mr. Wonderful to figure out if I was "the one" anymore. Who does that? Ok, I'll just sit over here unloved while you figure out if you are gonna dump me. No thanks. Oddly enough, I hadnt even put any pressure on him about it - apparently he has a sense of urgency about determining his future. My status of single mom with joint custody became a tough pill for him to swallow - further breaking my heart - as my ability to uproot and move anywhere is somewhat limited. However, all of these things are not deal breakers when you are in love with someone. So I digested this over the weekend and realized that I was now staring in this very scene from Jerry McGuire:

"I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a

lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built."

If only my script ended as Dorothy's did in Jerry McGuire. Something is missing for him. But I feel like I have lost so much more.......

Considering the holidays are coming up I would say I am doing better than I would have expected. I attended my Christmas Party alone, where they promptly displayed GIGANTIC photos of him and I from Halloween prompting folks to ask where he was. These photos rotated above my head on a white tarp all fucking night. Wonderful. His name was printed on a name tag when you walked in, I snatched it up, crinkled it in my hand and threw it out - all in 2 seconds. I have to hand over my phone to a friend so I wont call him. I have to remember that HE needs to pull the Say Anything move out of his ass, not me.

I cant believe we were 3 weeks shy of a year together. I cant believe I am writing this blog post.