Tuesday, October 30, 2007


Fettucini anyone?

I brought home my side of fettuccine alfredo from Maggiano's one day, as I knew my son would love it. He could eat it - and back then he would sit in his high chair in the kitchen while I would try to find something that he would eat. I was so proud of him when I noticed all the noodles were gone from his tray! He was EATING! Eureka!


My dog strolled by sniffing the floor for the bits he inevitably through on the floor, covered in fettuccine. He had been throwing the noodles on HER as she walked by! Hilarious.

October, three years later

This picture was taken three years ago! Let me just say that he dug that carrot out of the fridge himself, to naw on it with his three teeth. He just couldnt resist showing me his "find" and by the look on his face he knows how proud of him I am.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Breaking up and Opening Up

How do you let a man "in" when all that you have known has been painful? Do you continue to hope it wont hurt this time? How does that quote go again, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"....

I feel that way as I type this. John Hiatt seems to have a way to get in there to my heart and the words are pouring from my fingers. His "Have a Little Faith In Me" has always been a top five favorite for me. His lyrics are so beautiful. So hopefully *someone* will step up and love me like this.

When the road gets dark, And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark, And have a little faith in me
And when the tears you cry, Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith in me
And Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
When your secret heart, Cannot speak so easily, Come here darlin
From a whisper start, To have a little faith in me
And when your backs against the wall, Just turn around and you will see
I will catch, I will catch your fall baby
Just have a little faith in me
Chorus (Sung over fade)
Well, Ive been loving you for such a long time girl
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
cause for us there is no end
And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me
I said I will hold you up, I will hold you up
Your love gives me strength enough
So have a little faith in me

I have spent enough time sitting on sofas talking about my feelings and playing with a mini-zen garden - all of which seems to have a numbing effect on my overactive brain, to take up 6 months non-stop. How can I stop this train and end up with something deep and meaningful that doesnt suck the life out of me? I want to be loved for who I am, not what I can do for someone. Yeah yeah, I can hear it now - "oh poor baby, the tall blonde doesnt feel loved". I KNOW! How pathetic right?

From a romance standpoint - why does it seem to be so hit or miss? It's REALLY not that hard to do. Women love it, always. We always want to be the one who gets the flowers. Our gaze following the receptionist as she delivers the bouqet to the lucky "winner". Trust me, this happens. Flowers arrive at work and have yet to be delivered, all of the women wonder "could they be for me?". Trust me on this one guys - send flowers and dont put who it's from and see what happens.


Sunday, October 21, 2007

Go Scott Rigsby!

So, I just scurried around my house looking for my heart rate monitor in an attempt to pack my bag for the gym tomorrow. I plan to go at lunch, for many many reasons. The first being I simply have no time to go in the morning - nor do I have someone other than my dog to watch my son. After work seems to be full of networking events, long hours and overall social stuff - so lunch it is. I can do this, I have done it before - kicking my own ass at lunch also gets me out of the office. Lately I cant seem to find time to even leave for lunch. Anyway, I found 1/2 of my heart rate monitor - the chest strap part, but the watch part that actually tells me how my heart feels about the nonsense I am putting myself through appears to be MIA. This coincides with how far off the fitness wagon I have fallen - log rolling my way into happy hours and french fries, I dont KNOW where my heart rate monitor IS? There was a time when that was always on my mantel, right next to my reflective safety vest I wore to run at night with.

Next, I reunited with my Nike+ device and running shorts. This bag sits ready to go by the door as a result of this man, Scott Rigsby. His story is all over the web today as he has just finished his first Ironman. He finished just under 17 hours, which makes me look up at my ceiling and say out loud to the cobwebs "I cant think of anything I have done for 17 hours". I met Scott at a couple of races, and just today realized I had taken this picture of his legs. There they are, red flames and all waiting for him to come out of his swim, just next to the START sign. This composition holds so much meaning. So many of us never start anything, we just think about it, talk about it, worry about it and stuff it away. Starting has power, and can single handedly unleash a monster built on determination and pride. I speak from experience having never run a 5K to finishing 5 triathlons in two years. I run 5K's several times a year now, I look forward to them! It's truly amazing what you can accomplish by simply starting and committing to it. I bet Scott never planned to be known as the first double amputee to complete an Ironman Triathlon. A sponsored, accomplished athlete and motivation to all.

Reading this article that the AJC published today motivated me to share this all with you, in case you needed a reason to stop feeling bad for yourself - something I call "perspective". It works for me every time.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I wanted a boob job, instead I got a furnace....

What part of "boob job" rhymes with "furnace"? None of it, it simply doesnt. One poor soul had to give up her dream of big bouncy new breasts because her furnace died. I DIED when these words fell from her lips into her Pabst Blue Ribbon. See what happens to us independent broads? We own houses, have fancy jobs, make our own money - plan to PAY FOR OWN BOOB JOBS, but along comes the "Mrs. Fix It Fairy" and says "No boobs for you!" a new furnace will do. I personally miss my perky 34C's - they were sexy, I didn't always fit in button down shirts. Now thanks to a child and hundreds of laps in a pool I can fit in button down shirts just fine - along with my push-up bra. It's depressing. Those luscious fake, full breasts tantalize us women as much as they fool men. Curses you society! How dare ye put thine superficial paws on me! Swimming has mainly detracted from my former bustline, while adding to my endurance, confidence and sanity - but who cares? Firm shoulders aren't the same as firm breasts. Giving birth took me out of the "firm, perky" league and dropped me off 'round da cahna next to the training bras. What the hell is that about? See we all agreed that "going up one cup size" would be fine. "Oh I don't want big Pam Anderson titties" one declares... I just want to be a little bigger. I just want to rid myself of this recent delusion that bigger breasts are the way to go.

Independence be damned!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Flamingos by the Yard

Please someone do this to me, or someone we know and take pictures. Actually - I am going to do this to my DAD. He would take one look at that and know it was me. This is his warning.

"If you're looking for something a little out of the ordinary, try Flamingos By The Yard®. In the middle of the night our sneaky staff will fill the victim's yard with up to forty plastic pink flamingos and a six foot banner stating the occasion. Imagine their surprise as they pull their car out to go to work at 6:00 AM and see their yard swarming with these exotic birds! The flock will disappear the following evening leaving a fond memory of their visit (and no bird droppings!!!).
We also can deliver Penguins, Cows, Pigs, Tombstones, and Hearts! CALL TODAY!"

Tombstones? Pigs? This is truly fantastic. So I searched for an image to post here to aid in the visuals and came across T-Rex's in the front yard. Aliens would be good. Midgets too.



Paradigm Shift...so cliche!

Thank god I am divorced. I truly feel that way. I have officially been divorced longer than I was married now - and my son, well 75% of his life he has now spent shuffling between two houses. I dont regret my decision in any way shape or form. Yes it affects my son, but this is his life and he will have things to sort out, understand, hate - and I will help him through it all, to see how important it is to take care of yourself.

He's protective of me now, and thrives on helping me carry something. I am afraid that this will magnify for him as he gets older and I continue to date. Part of me wishes I could have just settled down with someone and given him that stable world, but that word "settle" freaks me out. I just dont see how I can be ME and be married? How does that work when you are bored? What do you do? Some dont hate their spouse, they just arent excited anymore, but their world grows emptier and emptier - the ol' "Lonely in a crowd of people" feeeling.

For the first time in my life I am experiencing a major major roll reversal. I dont want to get married and my boyfriend does. He wants to be a young dad, he is in love with me and is clearly daydreaming about a candlelit wedding full of family and friends. He is shocked that I dont discuss my "ideal wedding" randomly like "most women". I have ripped his heart out over this topic, THEN I froze it with my bare hands - all because he was curious about my reaction to proposing. Perhaps time is all we need, I see major differences - ones I cant change, nor can he, and I have comfortably settled into a view of "this isnt going to work". 7 months isnt enough time to know for sure about the rest of your life. But here I am, I am the one saying "why do you want to get married so bad?!". Isnt that a guy thing to do?? Memories of the giant engagement ring an x gave me come back. I felt branded, controlled, trapped. These are not the right feelings. I would forget to put it on, and he would flip out and turn the car around and make me wear it. Shouldn't I want to wear it?

I want to feel like my heart will die if that person isn't in my life. I want to feel honored to wear the ring, not embarrassed. I want to feel secure in my decision to "forsake all others". I want a bond like the one people think my twin brother and I have, you know what I mean. "If he gets hurt do you feel it?". I have said this before, I want him to challenge me - intellectual intercourse that leaves me aching for more. So here I am, staring at the cursor, fully content with my life - the nightmare my man is enduring. My insecurities no longer drive me to make needy decisions (quick let's get married!), and my life will be fun and lively with or without a man.

I make no apologies for this stance, I only wish I figured it out sooner.