Tuesday, January 24, 2006


So. I just remembered this story while out walking my dog. I was thinking about some of the weirdest dates I had been on thus triggering an e-contest with my friends to see who could come up with the oddest and/or funniest date. Votes are still rolling in, but I believe I may have the winner.

A while ago I met a nice guy for a late dinner at a diner. He is very handsome, big blue eyes, tall, fit, nice smile - ya know all the superficial stuff. He swore that he "loved kids" and even had the job to prove it as he is a middle school phys ed teacher. I thought "ok, this guy has some potential". Woooo hooo was I wrong! Man I am already laughing as I type this thinking back to when I thought this was even a possibility.

Ok, the first red flag goes a little somethin' like this: during dinner he talks about sleeping with some girl who showed up at his friends house when they were watching football. He had never met her before, wasnt attracted to her but since she was willing "why not?". Sleeping is a much kinder word than what he used. I dont even remember why he was telling me this!

Next was the description of how he typically meets women. "I go to the mall and have no problem asking girls for their phone number. Sometimes I run into my students and ask them where all the nice girls are." WTF????? His students?? PICKING UP CHICKS AT THE MALL??? This bohunk is almost 40 folks. Yuck.

He tried to convince me to let him come over to my house. Bad idea. All I wanted to do was have the date end! I told him that we didnt have a lot in common and that I wasnt the right girl for him. He continued to ask me why, and with each attempt I grew more and more impatient with him as he clearly didnt get that I was an inch away from shoving an apple in his mouth and roasting him on a spit. I did however manage to tell him that my dog loved to go swimming, leading into the fact I am an outdoorsy type person and he is not - YET another reason we were not a good fit.

His response is painfully funny. He launched into a description of hunting with his cats. Yes ...CATS. "hunting is about as outdoorsy as you can get" he said, "I felt bad for my cats so I brought them with me one day to hunt squirrels." I naturally assumed the cats were on their own, but I went ahead and asked anyway "How did you keep track of your cats while you were laying very still in the grass hunting squirrels?". He replied with, I kid you not, "Oh I didnt let them out of the carrier! Christ they would have run away! I just wanted them to watch me."

Such a waste of a handsome man. *sigh*

Friday, January 20, 2006


I recently came across this picture and it made me laugh out loud. I am so completely asleep in this picture, I remember that exact night of sleep very well. It was the first night my son had slept through the night! He was three months old and we were visiting my family in Massachusetts.

The little guy is so cute in this picture, big bags under his eyes yet so tickled to be laying there! He hasnt changed a bit!

Sleep well, ya'll. ha .ha.


Sunday, January 15, 2006

First Trip to the Beach

The Nationwide Virtual Cat Fight

Wow, what a busy week it has been here at Blogdamnit headquarters. People are even calling me about all of the posts on here, not to mention the additional debating going on at happy hour. "To each his own" and "live and let live" seem to be the theme. Some think it is the god-given right for Southern Belles to live in their 1940's style of ignorance assuming those that don't live like they do are awful people and should git thy-self to church ASAP. The master manipulators that they are, they must be exhausted trying to make this world a better place while looking so darn perfect at the same time. I may just start a national "wear white shoes in October" day to drive them nuts. Pushing those Belle's buttons is irresistible!

All of this bickering made me think back to the all-women triathlon I finished this past summer. Let me first remind you of how hard a triathlon is to begin with. It takes about 2 hours to finish sprint distance if you train for it. I was shocked to see sooooo many women there on race day. There were bionic types to couch potatoes. Most were there to start this race and become an entirely different person when they finished. I was amazed at how supportive the female species was to each other. Women were helping and cheering each other on during the swim, and as I started out on the run I realized that most men would NEVER support each other this way. That's what's so great about women, we rally for each other. The "strength in numbers" theme of the labor unions is instinctual to us. The bionic women who finished the race in an hour looped back around to run with women who were struggling and needed some cheerleading. It was simply amazing. Those that finished the race cheered on all the women who were still going. Women also did this when I was violently ill during my pregnancy. They would discover why I had a vacant stare on my face due to the extensive nausea I suffered from and they would help, immediately. Puking in public is humiliating and I remember this lady, a complete stranger getting out of her car and bringing me a warm washcloth to clean up with. Women are nurturers in many, many ways. All of their actions an expression of themselves.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Attack of the Southern Belles!

Drama! A southern belle has raised her Mary Kay spackled head and tried to attack! Of course, she is incognito and too afraid to leave her email address or her own blog link for me to respond to her pathetic attempt at “reprimanding” my evil ways. All she has done has further confirmed my opinion of “Sweet Southern Belles”, You’re FAKE. How can you be so sweet and caring, a self-appointed-motherhood-expert who hasn’t walked a mile ever – let alone in others shoes, and leave such a mean comment on a complete strangers blog? I bet you would even say “Bless your heart, you don’t even realize how much of a bitch I am” to me in person!

I fed her to the wolf pack this morning. My email has been buzzing away with responses and I just had to share with EVERYONE (that’s over 200 visitors per day) what went down with this loser from Florida.

Here’s what started it all:

SweetSouthernBelle writes:
Let me start off by saying .. I am a Southern Belle my mothere is from NC and my Father is from BOSTON .. and I can say with all honesty that my heart lies in the south .. I have spent time in both places .. and the south is a much friendlier kinder place to be. I have also noticed a trend with Women from the North that their priorities are a bit skewed.. Women such as yourself put themselves before their family and their children..Your carreer means more to you than your child .. Your "ME" time is more important to you than the time you could be spending with your child..sadly enough I have read your blog and was very unimpressed with the person you are ..It is not enough to just keep a human being "alive" you must have compassion and love and be able to ineract with that child on their level . It is not about knowing when they are going to fall or get hurt it is about being able to comfort that child when they do get hurt and have the gentleness that all mothers should have .. That touch that makes everything in the world right in that childs world. You are exactly what I would expect from a woman that was raised in Boston .. Please do not take that as a compliment because it is not intended as one ..I have read your entire blog and the only person you truly are concerned about is YOURSELF... Maybe if you were a better woman you wouldn't be divorced or maybe you could find yourself a nice well educated man.. As for myself I am a well educated Southern belle that puts my family ahead of everything else. So grow up and learn what is truly important in life .. Stop with all the "poor me's"and stop throwing yourself all the pitty parties you induldge yourself with .. and start being a REAL WOMAN and a REAL Mother! ! ! ! !

And here are the responses! Woo hoo!!

1. I think by 'Sweet Southern Belle' she really meant 'Stupid Southern Bitch'.
Clearly she has some issues if she has to lash out at strangers online!
And by writing a message like this she's only driving the entire point of your blog home.
Keep doing what you're doing. This woman will never be truly happy.

2. Holy crap, what a beaytch. Let's Google-bomb her.

3. Don't southern belles know that if you don't have anything nice to say, DON'T SAY
ANYTHING AT ALL?? A real care giver knows how to care for a family AND herself. This
lady is going to snap one day, trust me.

4. She needs to get laid.

5. What a bitch! I hope you put her in her place! She's probably at home, thumping her bible, praying for your soul and praying that you become a better mother! LOL LOL LOL LOL

6. Seriously, let me at her! I am appalled!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a freakin' beeeeatch! Yeah, she is just full of southern freaking charm. Puuullllllllllleeeasse!!!!!!!
Please, please tell me you won't take a single thing she said seriously. This woman has about as much individualism as a freaking lemming.
You're a wonderful mother and person. You grow stronger, smarter, deeper, wiser, and more beautiful every time I talk to you. You're open and honest and you put it out there. You care more about your son that anything. And you are still an individual. That is what gets me. Just because you have a child doesn't mean you have to be less of yourself. Your heart and mind did not shrink in order to make room for this child - they grew bigger. Too many people have children and a family as an excuse to stop being an individual.
Those who can't lead follow. Those who can't be a 21st century woman become her. They put their husband and their children and the rest of their family first because they have to. They can't think for themselves. It's easier that way. Individual thought takes time. It takes practice. And confidence. It is the essence of being human. Always making sure everyone else is happy isn't harder - it's easier. Never worrying about yourself - it's a cop out of your own life. Well, ya know what, southern belle, you're not yourself. You're no one. You're nothing. You're just some photoshopped face pasted into a family portrait. You don't have a personality. You are another faceless, SUV driving, Starbucks toting, manicured, dolled up, Kate Spade carrying, generic stepford wife whose life is on auto-pilot.
Trust me, Flydi is a more of a human being than you can ever hope to be. Now stop reading this blog and go back to your damn Nicholas Sparks novel.

6. Let me start off by saying that sweetsouthernbelle1215 should know about what she speaks before she pontificates or spews such ugliness. I know this "blogger" you speak of and I know her well. That you dog her makes me insanely upset. I see her every week with her child and know that nothing and no one is more important to her than this child. Having said that, she is an adult who has and will continue to provide for herself emotionally instead of placing that burden on her children as would appear you do. Your children have the potential to grow up with the inflated sense of self due to you making them the center of your universe. Take responsibility for your own emotional state and show your children by example as this "blogger" does every day. Do not burden your children with your "family first" crap attitude. We all have our family's needs first so don't go thinking you're something special with that directive or that you wrote the book on that topic. Because you choose to place your children's needs above your own needs gives them the sense that they are more important than others, that their needs will and must be met first before considering anyone elses. It will be our good- natured, well behavied, kind and caring chldren who will bail this country out of the financial and social ruins your children will leave it in and we will have people like you to thank for raising such selfish and self centered little bastards Like GW Bush.
Southernbelle1215, thank you from the bottom of my own southern heart. I am glad to know this blogger and find her to be one of the most repsectable, intelligent and kind mothers I've ever met. You've reminded me of how good she really is and off-center southern women can be. Thank the maker we aren't all like you!!

I love my life, thanks girls!

Sunday, January 08, 2006

If I ever get married again

Now this is more like it! Enough with all the frills, flowers and tom-foolery at weddings. It's time Rock n Roll made it's way to the aisle. I have been in so many weddings as a bridesmaid and strolled down the aisle to some romantic classical music as my delicate virgin feet stepped on rose petals, blah blah blah. BARF. Let's throw some electric guitar in there! A rock band that cuts into AC/DC as soon as the first kiss is over with a wild version of "Shook me all night long".

If I ever get married again I will request this electric guitar version of a tried-n-true wedding song. It's simply fabulous, not to mention the hot Japanese guy performing it from his little bedroom. Click on the title of this post "If I ever get married again" to see it.

I am insane. I know. You all love it.


Tuesday, January 03, 2006

When I least expect it, and need it most

I burst into tears the other day. This happens when you are a single mom. I was really looking forward to a quick workout at my gym, helps to clear your head ( a little "me" time is great too). Anyway, I called ahead to make sure the day care was open, they informed it was closed that day but the following day it would be open. Bummer. So the following day I bundled up the kid and off to the gym we went. I got there, and I just knew something was off as soon as my eyes connected with the brand new bubbly front desk chick. "Oh no! our day care is closed today! I saw you walking in with him, I am so sorry!". It was all I could do to keep from freaking out on her. I mentioned that I had called, blah blah blah.

So now I am trying not to get bent out of shape over this. I load up my son in his car seat. I climb into my seat. Turn the car on and promptly burst into tears muttering something about "...just need a break! blglgeoikejlwaaaahhhh."

Angel child from the back seat becomes very quiet and then says "mommy, u crying? mommy u ok?" - it immediately makes me smile and I respond with "yes mommie is crying but I am ok and I love you". Then angel child says "Want Wallace sing mommy a song?" and he starts to sing Frosty the Snowman for me from his carseat.

Precious. 100 points for the 2 1/2 year old!

(I then took him to his favorite play ground)

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Oh THANK GOD it's 2006!!

What an f-ing year 2005 was! I say that every year, I swear. 2006 ought to be a booze-fest though, I turn 30 in 2006, my little sister is getting married, other friends are getting married, yada yada yada. Can you believe that my new year's resolution last year was to "get divorced"? Done. Any others? hmmm "run a triathlon". Done x2.

Regardless of how stooopid your resolution might be, I wish everyone a wonderful New Year! Make sure it is full of stories to tell, good and bad - that's how you know you're human and really alive.