Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Red Sox Nation South!

Yeah baby! What a dose of home I recieved this weekend! My boyfriend bought tickets to all three of the Red Sox games versus the Braves this past weekend. Yep, I went to a baseball game Friday night, Saturday afternoon and again on Sunday night. Sunday was the best game by far! The red sox fans out numbered the braves fans by 5-1, and what a rude awakening for Brave's fans. They dont have the same passion for their team like the red sox fans do. Nothing feels better than 40,000 people cheering "Let's go red sox" over and over. Felt like home somewhat. The Brave's fans couldn't be heard for christ sake. The Atlanta Journal Constitution called Turner field "Red Sox Nation South" on Monday. Out in the parking lots the tailgating was mainly being done by Red Sox fans. It was just great! I heard comments like this "ahhh those fucking christians!" dripping with a Boston accent - all because some huge church choir from Georgia came out to sing. Ahh music to my ears. He was even a fat sweaty bastard and as he hiked up to the very top row, where we were all sitting, my boyfriend pointed out his ticket stub. It was stuck somewhat "under" his arm, in his armpit. I was baffled. "Do you think he knows it's there?" I said. We really couldn't tell.

So, here are a few notes for the idiot Brave's fans I came across:

1. We are not booing home-run-hitting extroadinare Kevin Youkilis, we are cheering "Youuuuuu!"

2. Dont ever wear a yankees hat or shirt "just for fun" and expect us to be nice, dumb asses. It's similar to the "issues" ya'll have over the civil war.

3. Northerner's swear. get over it.

4. Stop with the racial degradation of our two best players, Manni and Papi. Do you know how big David Ortiz is? He is 6'4, 230 pounds. And, they are not from Mexico you dumb fucks.


Monday, June 19, 2006

Shalom in the Home

I just caught 1/2 of an episode of the new show on TLC, Shalom in the Home. It's like a Jewish Dr. Phil who makes house calls. No really, it is. He coaches extremely disfunctional families via earpieces through their typical fights and button pushing. I heard an old saying "life is 10% experience and 90% of how you react to it". I used to live by this and have clearly forgotten all about it! I spend a good part of my day feeling frustrated with work, life, etc (don't we all?) and have recently started remembering little anecdotes like the one I mentioned above.

So what I want to know is - What producer is going to step up to reality show hamster-wheel of joint custody? I want to see them make that work! They wont even need to create drama out of nothing - there will be plenty of it regardless! Please pick me.

Today I picked up my son after the long, 4-day stretch he spends every other week at his dad's house. He ran to meet me, barefoot, hugging me with his head on my shoulder and saying "mommie I MISS you! I LOVE you!" oooof. a giant wrecking ball to the chest! My heart hurts so much on that last day of being apart from him, I simply cant wait to hug him. I cant concentrate at work, everything I say cloaks how I really feel. Often I feel lost, faking my way through the moments I have to spend with those who have no idea what I am going through. I am so jealous of parents who see their children every single day. I wonder what that is like! Yes I get a "break" but it's hard switching gears from my non-kid days to kid-filled days. Ever see someone just sitting, alone in their car? you cant tell if they are listening to the radio, talking on the phone or whatever - that's me. It's been over a year now and I am shocked at how little this heartache has subsided. When I am out and about on my non-kid days, I want to scream to no one in particular "Cant you see I miss my beautiful boy!?" Now, before I get pep-talk emails from this post - let me assure you I know some parents never see their children, some people dont have children, etc and I should be thankful ( I AM - BIG TIME) to even have the days I have with my little guy. It still doesnt make me feel better.

keep on keepin' on!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

30th birthday pics

This is me, just after getting punched by a little "Saturday night fever" freakazoid. It's documented!

There's a theme here. Closing your eyes doth not make a shot less bad.

Something about wearing a tiara never gets old.

The fake fur bus, and once again....my eyes are closed.

Home made birthday cake. Even had a layer of peanut butter cups! Thanks T!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Hasta la vista 20's....

I made it! I am finally 30 and it's great! I am no longer "the kid" or the youngest one at the office. Apparently I appear to know things and I even have smile lines forming outside my eyes. I would however like the next 5 years to go by slowly so I can savor them like a well cooked Italian meal. Turning 30 reminds me of opening the back door of my childhood home, coming in out of the freezing cold to a warm (often drafty) old house with the smell of brownies filling the air. Cheesy description but it's true. I feel welcomed here in my 30's, most people I talk to look back on their 20's and say "boy your 30's are so much better". Your 20's are like this arduous obstacle course with booby traps and trap doors.

My 20's were full of mistakes and experiences, obviously all of them molding me into the person I am now but goddamn it was hard! I ate pasta with salt on it cause I was so broke. I didnt have enough money to pay T fare to get to my miserable temp job stuffing envelopes. My relationships with men were part of my identity and my time was governed by whether or not my current boyfriend was with me. I had no idea who I was, how strong I was - I simply seemed to survive. That's no way to live! C'mon now, waiting around for your man to call you? that's a bunch of crap!

Now I feel rather confident in just chilling out. Taking a break from the panic and fear of "oh no! I am not going to make it!" and enjoying all that I have accomplished. How often do we do that in our lives? It's never enough, we have to make more money, buy more stuff, etc. etc.

I dropped my son off at daycare today. He is growing up at a rapid pace these days and my heart hurts knowing I am missing 50% of his time. He was fine, he enjoys his school and friends. Today his class was on the playground and he ran in all excited to see his friends. A minute went by and he turned to the fence, realizing I was leaving and walked up to where he could see over the fence and waved "bye mommy" to me several times. It's heartwrenching. I have to force my feet to turn and get in the car. My brain tortures me with "what if this is the last moment you ever see him?" - it's awful. As I walked away I heard a faint " I love you" in the distance as he continued to wave to me. Makes me cry as I type this. Motherhood sure teaches you how to feel each moment of your life, good and bad.

My sister recently got married. She is beaming and so happy. Her wedding actually helped me see some of the romantic side of marrying the right person. Family drama aside, the wedding was just what she wanted and hearing her choke up during her vows woke me up. I have been pressing snooze on romance for quite sometime folks, assuring people that I didnt need it, it was no good and to watch out for it if it happens. What is my problem? ok, so I am awake now and boy romance feels good when you aren't busy looking for the other shoe to drop!