Saturday, December 29, 2007

In pursuit of 2008

If only 2008 would hurry up I might maintain the optimism one needs to endure another round of the holidays. It simply doesn't matter how many plans I make, they rip open a scab and exasperate the loneliness joint custody creates. Regardless, they always pass and then the new year begins. I am going to make a nice dinner full of red things and tangerines for my friends on February 7th, to celebrate the 2008 Chinese New Year. This holiday is less about what you buy someone and more about the luck you give to them. I prefer that.

Today I noticed that I post daily affirmations all over my life, on my desk at work, on my fridge, on my blackberry. I added "what are you waiting for?" this month. Good question. People dont often see that they are the reason they are unhappy. Stop waiting for others to swoop down and call in the Red Cross for you. Others I enjoy are "Diamonds are only lumps of coals that really stuck to their jobs" and "life is what happens while everyone else complains about it" or something like that! This spurred some new years resolutions that rhyme:

"Make it GREAT in 08"
"No more real estate in 08"
"Dont hesitate in 2008"
"why wait in 08"
and my favorite "Feelin' great in 08"

ok I know overkill, but funny. Resolutions should be simple, so you can remember them. I have others but sharing them with the world wide web seems wrong and I believe I need all the help I can get. 2007's was to "simplify" which was a bust. I've managed to step on that one as I drive or fly hither and dither to accommodate a new school, new job and new clients. Where did resolutions come from anyway?? Who's idea was this? And what on earth is with the weight loss craze?

I will incorporate margaritas, meditation (serenity now!) and patience into my resolution. That's all i got right now.

Happy Holidays!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Sudden loss of life

This friend of mine died suddenly on November 10th. I simply love this picture of her, and am still having a hard time believing she has passed away. I havent felt grief in this way before, I cant seem to purge it. Time heals all wounds, but this situation - a healthy vivacious 35 year old woman losing her life is a bit terrifying. I only hope I live my life full, that I dont cheat myself out of experiences and opportunity. Thank god she exemplified "live each day like it is your last". She was fearless, and confidently pursued her dreams and had opened her own salon recently. I was so proud of her!She possessed a magnetic personalty who embraced others without changing a drop of her fun, upbeat self.

Ironically, she cut my hair a week before she died. My hair cuts take 3-4 hours, and were a respite I looked forward to. I sit here asking myself, had I known that was the last time I would have with her would I have done anything different?

Not sure yet...

Monday, November 12, 2007

Big Bad Birthday in Boston

Some of us, whom shall remain nameless, had a birthday last week. This particular individual had never been to Beantown and fearlessly hired Delta to bring her there with me. So. We walk, everywhere, as required by these cities affectionately referred to as "a walking city". Us or THEM-there Atlantans dont know what this means really. They wear dressy boots and things and complain about the cold, etc.

I love this woman so dearly, and often times she says "If I were a man we'd be a couple". I get this a lot from my girlfriends. But this one in particular feels like she saved my life. My inner-life, that fire, the one that creates witty posts for everyone to read. Her phone will ring at all hours of the night with either a half-crazed friend calling about a great date she just went on or a weepy puddle who has just dropped off her child on the infamous "wednesday". Whereby her heart is rendered useless in an instant as she (me) walks away from the warmth of that little whirling dervish. This friend always has the perfect thing to say, the perfect response to my blubbering and self pity. "Yes, yes you ARE indeed dysfunctional. But, I LOVE ya!" She single-handedly changed my opinion of single motherhood. That lonely place I was too numb to acknowledge has become a pillar of my identity.

Her happiness has become somewhat of a mission of mine. I might have overdone it in Boston too as she doesnt recognize the pictures I took of her at The Canal in Boston (too many shots I suppose). I mean, they were taken just before last call, who remembers what they were doing then most of the time? The next day she suffered through a history lesson by my father on the Revolutionary War and a detailed narrative of random gravesites of British soldiers. He drove all over, stomping on the breaks to make sure she saw all of the amazing history Paul Revere is known for, including where he was arrested. You get the picture. "Look, more British soldiers!" my stepmother would say - and she would dutifully look and say "wow, that's great."

I wish I could give her that Snow White-like mirror that tells her she is the farest of them all. She is stunning and laughs at herself, with everyone and for no reason at all. Her sense of humor could put anyone to shame, but her humbleness touches everyone who knows her.

May you always eat pizza with a cape on JH!
Happy Birthday,

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Sage Advice

Mi Padre screwed my head on with a stellar statement this evening. We were waiting for our reservation at the Wayside Inn, which, by the way can single-handedly render you unconscious due to ingesting too much good food. After a tour of their grist mill I strapped on the feed bag and had at it as though I, myself, had marched like the British Redcoats from Boston to Lexington overnight.
He sat next to me in a historically creaky old chair and said "How can you drive straight down the road to your future if you are constantly looking in the rear view mirror?"

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


Fettucini anyone?

I brought home my side of fettuccine alfredo from Maggiano's one day, as I knew my son would love it. He could eat it - and back then he would sit in his high chair in the kitchen while I would try to find something that he would eat. I was so proud of him when I noticed all the noodles were gone from his tray! He was EATING! Eureka!


My dog strolled by sniffing the floor for the bits he inevitably through on the floor, covered in fettuccine. He had been throwing the noodles on HER as she walked by! Hilarious.

October, three years later

This picture was taken three years ago! Let me just say that he dug that carrot out of the fridge himself, to naw on it with his three teeth. He just couldnt resist showing me his "find" and by the look on his face he knows how proud of him I am.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Breaking up and Opening Up

How do you let a man "in" when all that you have known has been painful? Do you continue to hope it wont hurt this time? How does that quote go again, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"....

I feel that way as I type this. John Hiatt seems to have a way to get in there to my heart and the words are pouring from my fingers. His "Have a Little Faith In Me" has always been a top five favorite for me. His lyrics are so beautiful. So hopefully *someone* will step up and love me like this.

When the road gets dark, And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark, And have a little faith in me
And when the tears you cry, Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith in me
And Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
When your secret heart, Cannot speak so easily, Come here darlin
From a whisper start, To have a little faith in me
And when your backs against the wall, Just turn around and you will see
I will catch, I will catch your fall baby
Just have a little faith in me
Chorus (Sung over fade)
Well, Ive been loving you for such a long time girl
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
cause for us there is no end
And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me
I said I will hold you up, I will hold you up
Your love gives me strength enough
So have a little faith in me

I have spent enough time sitting on sofas talking about my feelings and playing with a mini-zen garden - all of which seems to have a numbing effect on my overactive brain, to take up 6 months non-stop. How can I stop this train and end up with something deep and meaningful that doesnt suck the life out of me? I want to be loved for who I am, not what I can do for someone. Yeah yeah, I can hear it now - "oh poor baby, the tall blonde doesnt feel loved". I KNOW! How pathetic right?

From a romance standpoint - why does it seem to be so hit or miss? It's REALLY not that hard to do. Women love it, always. We always want to be the one who gets the flowers. Our gaze following the receptionist as she delivers the bouqet to the lucky "winner". Trust me, this happens. Flowers arrive at work and have yet to be delivered, all of the women wonder "could they be for me?". Trust me on this one guys - send flowers and dont put who it's from and see what happens.


Sunday, October 21, 2007

Go Scott Rigsby!

So, I just scurried around my house looking for my heart rate monitor in an attempt to pack my bag for the gym tomorrow. I plan to go at lunch, for many many reasons. The first being I simply have no time to go in the morning - nor do I have someone other than my dog to watch my son. After work seems to be full of networking events, long hours and overall social stuff - so lunch it is. I can do this, I have done it before - kicking my own ass at lunch also gets me out of the office. Lately I cant seem to find time to even leave for lunch. Anyway, I found 1/2 of my heart rate monitor - the chest strap part, but the watch part that actually tells me how my heart feels about the nonsense I am putting myself through appears to be MIA. This coincides with how far off the fitness wagon I have fallen - log rolling my way into happy hours and french fries, I dont KNOW where my heart rate monitor IS? There was a time when that was always on my mantel, right next to my reflective safety vest I wore to run at night with.

Next, I reunited with my Nike+ device and running shorts. This bag sits ready to go by the door as a result of this man, Scott Rigsby. His story is all over the web today as he has just finished his first Ironman. He finished just under 17 hours, which makes me look up at my ceiling and say out loud to the cobwebs "I cant think of anything I have done for 17 hours". I met Scott at a couple of races, and just today realized I had taken this picture of his legs. There they are, red flames and all waiting for him to come out of his swim, just next to the START sign. This composition holds so much meaning. So many of us never start anything, we just think about it, talk about it, worry about it and stuff it away. Starting has power, and can single handedly unleash a monster built on determination and pride. I speak from experience having never run a 5K to finishing 5 triathlons in two years. I run 5K's several times a year now, I look forward to them! It's truly amazing what you can accomplish by simply starting and committing to it. I bet Scott never planned to be known as the first double amputee to complete an Ironman Triathlon. A sponsored, accomplished athlete and motivation to all.

Reading this article that the AJC published today motivated me to share this all with you, in case you needed a reason to stop feeling bad for yourself - something I call "perspective". It works for me every time.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I wanted a boob job, instead I got a furnace....

What part of "boob job" rhymes with "furnace"? None of it, it simply doesnt. One poor soul had to give up her dream of big bouncy new breasts because her furnace died. I DIED when these words fell from her lips into her Pabst Blue Ribbon. See what happens to us independent broads? We own houses, have fancy jobs, make our own money - plan to PAY FOR OWN BOOB JOBS, but along comes the "Mrs. Fix It Fairy" and says "No boobs for you!" a new furnace will do. I personally miss my perky 34C's - they were sexy, I didn't always fit in button down shirts. Now thanks to a child and hundreds of laps in a pool I can fit in button down shirts just fine - along with my push-up bra. It's depressing. Those luscious fake, full breasts tantalize us women as much as they fool men. Curses you society! How dare ye put thine superficial paws on me! Swimming has mainly detracted from my former bustline, while adding to my endurance, confidence and sanity - but who cares? Firm shoulders aren't the same as firm breasts. Giving birth took me out of the "firm, perky" league and dropped me off 'round da cahna next to the training bras. What the hell is that about? See we all agreed that "going up one cup size" would be fine. "Oh I don't want big Pam Anderson titties" one declares... I just want to be a little bigger. I just want to rid myself of this recent delusion that bigger breasts are the way to go.

Independence be damned!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Flamingos by the Yard

Please someone do this to me, or someone we know and take pictures. Actually - I am going to do this to my DAD. He would take one look at that and know it was me. This is his warning.

"If you're looking for something a little out of the ordinary, try Flamingos By The Yard®. In the middle of the night our sneaky staff will fill the victim's yard with up to forty plastic pink flamingos and a six foot banner stating the occasion. Imagine their surprise as they pull their car out to go to work at 6:00 AM and see their yard swarming with these exotic birds! The flock will disappear the following evening leaving a fond memory of their visit (and no bird droppings!!!).
We also can deliver Penguins, Cows, Pigs, Tombstones, and Hearts! CALL TODAY!"

Tombstones? Pigs? This is truly fantastic. So I searched for an image to post here to aid in the visuals and came across T-Rex's in the front yard. Aliens would be good. Midgets too.



Paradigm cliche!

Thank god I am divorced. I truly feel that way. I have officially been divorced longer than I was married now - and my son, well 75% of his life he has now spent shuffling between two houses. I dont regret my decision in any way shape or form. Yes it affects my son, but this is his life and he will have things to sort out, understand, hate - and I will help him through it all, to see how important it is to take care of yourself.

He's protective of me now, and thrives on helping me carry something. I am afraid that this will magnify for him as he gets older and I continue to date. Part of me wishes I could have just settled down with someone and given him that stable world, but that word "settle" freaks me out. I just dont see how I can be ME and be married? How does that work when you are bored? What do you do? Some dont hate their spouse, they just arent excited anymore, but their world grows emptier and emptier - the ol' "Lonely in a crowd of people" feeeling.

For the first time in my life I am experiencing a major major roll reversal. I dont want to get married and my boyfriend does. He wants to be a young dad, he is in love with me and is clearly daydreaming about a candlelit wedding full of family and friends. He is shocked that I dont discuss my "ideal wedding" randomly like "most women". I have ripped his heart out over this topic, THEN I froze it with my bare hands - all because he was curious about my reaction to proposing. Perhaps time is all we need, I see major differences - ones I cant change, nor can he, and I have comfortably settled into a view of "this isnt going to work". 7 months isnt enough time to know for sure about the rest of your life. But here I am, I am the one saying "why do you want to get married so bad?!". Isnt that a guy thing to do?? Memories of the giant engagement ring an x gave me come back. I felt branded, controlled, trapped. These are not the right feelings. I would forget to put it on, and he would flip out and turn the car around and make me wear it. Shouldn't I want to wear it?

I want to feel like my heart will die if that person isn't in my life. I want to feel honored to wear the ring, not embarrassed. I want to feel secure in my decision to "forsake all others". I want a bond like the one people think my twin brother and I have, you know what I mean. "If he gets hurt do you feel it?". I have said this before, I want him to challenge me - intellectual intercourse that leaves me aching for more. So here I am, staring at the cursor, fully content with my life - the nightmare my man is enduring. My insecurities no longer drive me to make needy decisions (quick let's get married!), and my life will be fun and lively with or without a man.

I make no apologies for this stance, I only wish I figured it out sooner.

Monday, September 17, 2007

"Cause we love Caulk!"

I was in a sales presentation five years ago. The room was full of golf-shirt wearing men, about 200 of them, and I was teaching them how to sell leasing as a way of financing their customers expensive commercial painting equipment. Sexy job I know, but I sold my butt off in this job and traveled to sexy places called Albany. Albany is not pronounced ALL-bahny here in Georgia. It's AlllBainieeeeee? And there are more tractors there then people.

So...back to the meeting. 200 men, 2 women - both of whom are presenting. I sat down, in the back of the room as this lovely woman stepped and cheerleaded her way into history. She is apparently married to the man who supplies Sherwin Williams with all of their non-paint items.

"The quickest way to increase your sales is to?........"

The whole room responds with "sell non-paint items". And she continues, and man she is fired up! She is waving her hand in the air, she is projecting her voice perfectly and her perfect pumps are marching her ferociously up and down the center aisle of the Radisson Hotel ballroom. Then she says:

"That's right! Rollers, Paint Brushes and ?......"

And the room quietly mutters Caulk, chuckling to themselves. She trumps them, not even knowing it she SHOUTS out:

"Thats right! I LOVE CAULK!"

I sat there bewildered for a moment, unable to throw her a life line in any way. I felt so embarrassed for her. The whole room followed my same process, "pregnant" pause then fits of laughter. Now, let me explain her side of this. She said that cause the more Caulk the managers sell the more money her husband makes. So she really does love Caulk, just a different kind, bless her heart.


Thursday, August 23, 2007

Medieval Menthol Diapers

Dating a single mom requires a sense of humor. Seriously. It makes me feel vulnerable as I truly cant control what my 4 year old chooses to say (calling you his dad or some other male name) or for that matter DO. These moments should be embraced, remembered and reiterated at the perfect moment during Thanksgiving with his new girlfriend on a short visit to his "crazy moms" house. My boyfriend lives a caring, loving life with an infectious enthusiasm, THANK GOD cause I just cant imagine what I would have done if I found a used diaper in my messenger bag.

Yes. A used diaper. I left at oh-dark-thirty in the morning to bring my son to his new school, leaving my man sound asleep. Later, at a more reasonable time like 8 am, this lovely man gathered his things to head off to work he noticed that my son had disposed of his used "Feel-n-Learn" Pull-Up in his WORK BAG. Every night my son wears a diaper and now that he dresses himself he ALWAYS throws it in the trash. I almost didnt believe him when he told me about the "surprise" he found in his bag that morning.

Now, these diapers have some medieval menthol experience which helps him "learn" when he is wet and to get up and go to the bathroom. Not get up, take it off and toss it into the nearest bag!

Yay motherhood!

Guitar Hero

Have you played this game? Run, dont walk to the nearest Target and buy this game. This is me, at our LA office where we run and manage the Activision account. We have to work very hard at making their products appear very well online so in order to do so you must be familiar with their products. Hence why I was playing video games at work.

You'll see. you'll become just as addicted as all of the maniacs on YouTube.


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Comcast debacle

Our next available time slot to connect your cable is on 6/27 or 7/10.

I am moving you see and a girl's gotta have her internet! Forget the TV, I must have the internet - waiting till July simply wont do! SO I sorta-calmly asked Comcast to "try again". Their response:

"Ms Myer I am trying to make this as smooth as possible for you. The available slots to establish your new service are 6/27 between 11 and 2 or 7/10 between 2 and 5. You need to be accomodating"

ME? I need to be accomodating? From what customer service sewer are they operating from? Now this poor rep is reading a script and working with some ancient call center application and really has no ability to help me above and beyond what the system allows her to do. I mention this and then ask her to put me in touch with her supervisor before I cancel my entire service with them. Now, this either gets you a supervisor (except in Georgia Power's case - they simply dont give a shit cause they have no competition) or gets you into the "save gate". The save gate exhists in ALL call centers. These gates are full of the best sales reps hand picked by senior managers to SAVE and RETAIN customers. These folks have the ability to credit your account, call you back, etc. If you aren't getting service, seriously threaten to cancel and you will end up talking to a bubbly Jody from Iowa who gets PAID a commission to KEEP you happy.

Comcast is now going to call me back tomorrow to confirm my connection appointment for next week. July?? c'mon!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Thirty Wonderful

My birthday came along recently. Nothing too crazy, just a Pimps N Ho's party. Well the party was for my best friend who turned 30 the day before me. Looking back, I am amazed at how easy it was for me to parade around in zebra-print-garter-dress-ensemble. More shocking than that was how my other friends embraced the "Ho" appearance. They donned fishnets, pig tails, whips, gold lame, pleather. Oh baby! Divorce seems to be the best thing that ever happened to one of them! I am enjoying watching her discover herself and coaching her through dating. She maintains an acute adorableness about her as she tromps off with some pimp she just met. Good for her!

Earlier that day I was over at "the f-ing house" paying the painter as he had completed the interior work I had hired him to do. He says:

"Ah, miss Diane? I ask question? u no get mad?"

uh oh, I think to myself but ask him to go ahead.

"are you lesbian?"

Now. He was an hour early. We agreed on 10am, he called at 9:05 to ask where I was. So, I rolled out of bed and hopped in the car. I dont get dressed up to pay contractors. Sorry.
He continues:

"you tall, beautiful woman with job. where is your husband? your man?"

my response: "he's sleeping." Oh dont even get me started. I KNOW I dont need to write how insulting it is that a man thinks I am a lesbian simply because there is no man PRESENT at the very moment. I realize he was complementing me in some way, but c'mon!

Friday, May 11, 2007

Mother of the Year Job Description

This is a fantastic job description for Moms. I think it really speaks to the struggles all moms face with trying to have some semblance of an identity outside of their kids. Being a mom is wonderful and challenging, making you doubt yourself, your sanity and your meaning in life. This weekend should be a time to stop worrying if you are a good mom, if you're skinny enough, if your kids like you, if your kids are developing correctly. Just enjoy the fact that this little person adores you and wants to see you smile cause he painted a picture of you "all by himself".

POSITION : Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tonguere peatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. Aballoon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption thatcollege will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job suppliesl imitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Spiders in the Ears

There are somethings in motherhood you can never be prepared for. Like this story for example: Pain was two spiders living in boys ear . Yes, it does in fact read "pain was two spiders living in boys ear". I just cant fathom having to calmly take my son to the doctor and discover that he has SPIDERS LIVING IN HIS EAR and then feel like I was doing a great job as a mom. Now hear me out for second here. All mother's feel responsible if their child is hurt. No matter what, even if my son is far away with his dad and something happens to him I will always think "I should have been there to help him, If I had switched weekends he'd be ok" etc. etc. So to have a doctor flush out to spiders out of my sons ear would send me into the bowell's of depression over my pure utter neglect as a mom. I know it.

Women who do not have children do not fully understand how important Mother's Day is. I love the little footprints of my sons feet his daycare teachers make that they turn into cards for me each mother's day year. My son is almost 4. I am moving back into the house I lived in when he was born so I can hopefully sell it and be out of the landlord business. This house is soooo full of memories for me and I am still trying to get my bearings on being there. Some rooms remind me of the awful fights and craziness I endured while married, other rooms remind me of my son as a baby and the bathroom reminds me of puking for 6 months while pregnant. I plan to paint the rooms different colors, hang different shaded on the windows and install lighting - all in the hopes that it will change my thinking on the house and lessen these burdensome memories. Maybe the real estate fairy will come along and send someone to buy my house before I have to move into it.

I am selling this house because I need to pay off debt. Debt I have amassed trying to KEEP my two houses. The biggest mistake I made, other than marry my x, was to keep the houses when we got divorced and buy him out of the equity. He made out like a bandit - a BIG giant check was written to him over two years ago. Since then I have slowly realized that these houses were sucking the life out of me. In two years I have had 3 tenants in one, ALL of them turned out to be assholes. These houses are like Spider's in my ear actually. I just cant rinse them out and rid myself of the annoying "snap, crackle, pop" sound infamously described by the kid in the article. My optimism shows up from time to time bringing me visions of a debt free life, without these houses keeping me tied to my past and setting me free to start over.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Friday, April 13, 2007

See direction #23

Click here and go to Google Maps. Type in New York to London.
Read the directions.

Look at #23.....

I wanna know what programmer thought of that? How funny is that? Now they could have suggested to take a boat or a plane even but they opted for the word swim. It's truly fantastic!! Clearly a joke put on by google.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Blondes really do have more fun

I have amazing friends who I have not seen in a long time. They are inspiring and truly kind, interesting people.
This is one of them. She has baby blonde hair and blue eyes, and big giant balls. ha ha. I love you T! What an amazing life you are leading.

She was an engineer at this car company we both worked at in Boston. She worked on a team of all men, and she gave them hell! She can play football like a man and then cook you the most amazing dinner (still love that sausage dish girly!). I hunted her down on her first day and insisted she be friends with me as I had heard about her through the grapevine. She's tough as hell, but fun and caring. I startled her at the water bubblah with my forwardness, but I was dead on about the friendship. We would laugh and laugh at work, she is just as ruthless as I am with men (dumping men cause they were/are too nice) but more than anything she lives her life. We swam/biked/ran a triathlon together in Oregon a couple of years ago. She insisted she hadnt trained and was going to be slow. We unintentionally wore matching swimsuits. We were the only ones not wearing wetsuits as we dove into the Columbia River. BRRR! Recently she quit her job and has been on a long (going on three months now) discovery trip of Thailand, New Zealand and now Australia.

I found this picture of her on her blog. Interestingly enough her blog is the only way to stay in touch with her. A little web 2.0 backpacking experience. Reminds me of "where in the world is Carmen San Diego".

T, I miss you, and cant wait to see you someday!

And lately, yours truly is dating a tall blonde who matches me stride for stride on enthusiasm and intelligence. A kind soul (dare I mention he's a southern gentleman?) who designs insanely creative websites. We met at work a while ago, and once I officially left we went on a real date. And it was great. Seemless, effortless....a true equal. I remember his first day, we ended up in the elevator together and I was surprised to see he was getting off at the same floor as I. I found my good pal at work and conveyed my happiness that "we" had finally hired and attractive MALE. There are so many hot babes in advertising, it's nice to see a male who isn't some development troll eager to talk about Star Wars. It's quite a change for me, as normally I meet someone I am physically attracted to and it goes from there. Shortly thereafter I discover who they are, their lack of ambition, focus, success - what-have-you and lose interest. With this guy I already knew him very well, I had seen him work, I had seen clients blown away by his ideas and it was hot. Intelligence has a sultry powerful effect on me. But the killer part was discovering his carpentry skills. He described the home theater he built, and I clarified, "you built this yourself? with your own tools?". Yep. Oh jees.

Anyway, we recently went mountain biking. I had never been and selected a nice trail at the Georgia Horse Park. The website read "beautiful mountain bike trails" and that was enough for me to make up my mind. I borrowed a friends shock-less mountain bike and had at it. How do I describe the shock and horror I went through? It was as though I was sitting in the front cart of a rollercoaster and just as you came over the first big climb it detached itself, hurtling me down steep hills and around crazy bends (and trees). Terror. Rocks. Roots sticking out of massively steep hills. Big trees on both sides of the trail, "guiding" you through. I had apparently picked the OLYMPIC MOUNTAIN BIKE COURSE used in the 96 olympics. This is no walk in the park folks. This is some serious shit. I stood in my pedals, knees absorbing the shock and palms fiercly gripping the handlebars. I didnt fall off, wipe out or die - I walked a few sections. But I finished.

we'll see if I do that again.
next up is Sailing!! My favorite!!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I am contending for Mother of the Year...

Recently, I was shopping for shoes with my son. We came around the corner and the carriage knocked some ugly shoes off of the shelf and they made a loud smack as they hit the floor. My son, sitting in the carriage right in front of me declares:

"What the HELL was that?!"

I knew several women (all excellent mothers doing a way better job then anyone on earth including Super Nanny of course) had heard him and glared at me. I just casually informed my son not to say that and that he was ruining my chances of winning "mother of the year".

Everytime I pick him up after he has spent a chunk of time with his father his vocabulary grows. He now points out every single Dogwood Tree, said perfectly, and every single "Mangolia" tree. He knows different birds, knock knock jokes and now uses "Ding dong!" to get my attention if I am tuning him out.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Hanker for a hunka cheese

Anyone remember this one?! "I slam-a-slice-a-chunk-a..."

Monday, March 05, 2007

Cruise to the Bahamas

Here are a couple of pictures. The first is my friend Raj and I, we were on the annual company cruise to the Bahamas last weekend. I never thought I'd enjoy going on a cruise, but it's all in who you go with. My sister joined me - she flew in from Chicago and met me in Miami, and all the clowns I work with went too. The second picture - the one with all the men in orange, well that was a dare. They were all from Saab and our president dared me to round em' up and take a picture, and oh take the most introverted guy in the office with you (dude in the striped shirt). Not much of a dare if ya ask me and since I had already had 2 Bahama Mammas, 2 glasses of Champagne and prolly a beer I went for it.

What a really FUN trip!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

DJ Format - We know something you don't know

We had an argument in my office over who was "the bear" and who got to be the "tiger"....I just love it all around. Charlie tuna unibomber....

Friday, February 16, 2007

The Results: D Student gets a B!

So the response from the voting comittee has been entertaining to say the list. Here is a compilation of them, in no particular order.

"Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys are way better at Valentine's Day than my husband and I are!!! I"m going to forward this to him so he can start thinking about next year! hahahah...
I love the "Love Potion". GREAT idea, so sweet... I may steal that idea for an anniversary gift. By the way - WAY TO GO on the handmade card and SCRAPBOOK (!?!!). Nevermind the hand decorated toothbrush holder. This is a very tough call!!!"

You know I love ya girl. But, the boy has you beet for the sheer level of pampering. Damn!!!"

"Ok, now that I’ve stopped puking ; ), I’m going with Chris. Love potion with rain water from your first kiss & a Goddess Crown? That’s good stuff… AND, he remembered to get something for the little guy? Yup, Chris. Nice effort on your part, though. Now I’m going to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to get the image of your foot in his mouth out of my head. "

"Ok I think we're all going to have to work to get that foot image off the brain! Well said!!!!!And thank you for the laugh, I so needed that! My vote is Chris as well"

"OK, I’m finally going to vote. Let me preface it by saying that both contestants obviously put a lot of effort into the gifts, and the Academy thanks them for their submissions.

[rips open envelope]

And the winner is ….


Or at least I’m voting for you, Diane, because it was such a big leap for you to do all the stuff you did. So, like a Most Improved Award for the D student who gets a B on his homework… we should encourage you to keep doing more killer cute stuff. Even if you make us puke. And you do. ;)"

"OK….D you always have my vote…I loved Chris’s list and I am not tossing my groceries, creative and clever, not to mention fun – like to leave a lot to the imaginationJ
But, Estrogen Girls are thicker that water and we have to stick together – besides I lived the Tight(lycra) Red Dress with Big Hair days in the 80’s in Dallas - Let’s hear it for Texas Hair! You have a vote D."

"I'm withholding my vote until I get to see the pictures and video at home. It is neck and neck.
You must be twitterpated if you pulled out the crafting!"

"So glad you had a great valentines day! I’m abstaining from voting—that way there’s a better chance of a tie, and that’s the loving spirit I like to encourage. Everyone wins!"

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Valentine's Day Competition Part Deux

The votes are still coming in, and I will post them as I get them. Currently, in my own opinion, we are neck and neck. In my effort to create a simple, low-key valentines day I discovered I had done quite the opposite. I am very competitive in nature, and up against someone who proclaimed “I was born for this competition” being an Italian Scorpio and all. He was right. Without further ado…I will begin.

Me first of course.
1. Dinner, 4 courses. 1. Melon wrapped in prosciutto, 2. Tri-color Tortellini 3. Home made Chicken Marsala 4. Italian cookies (his favorite)
2. Tight sexy red dress – big hair
3. 15 candles lit all over my living room
4. HAND MADE CARD (exacto knife bayby! Thanks Taran!)
5. Toothbrush for all the time he spends over at my place
6. Toothbrush holder decorated with heart stickers and glitter
7. Hand made scrapbook of our experiences / emails, poem and fill-in-the-blank letter. I also included the emails from TWO YEARS ago when we emailed.
8. Framed picture of us, with alternative pics of me – one in color and one in black and white
9. Enthusiastic 3 year old – loving everything going on, “mom, what’s that? It’s nice. That’s pretty. I like it” in regards to the candles. He also supported my case by blurting out “I love you Chris” several times throughout the evening. I haven’t even said that yet! Lastly, he plopped down next to the chocolate and strawberries dropping one heavily soaked berry on the floor....ahhhh motherhood.

Chris’s game:
1. Hand made “Goddess Crown” – see picture
2. Forget roses, he brought rose petals to poor into a foot soak/bath he brought with him
3. Foot bath w/ mandarin salt scrub
4. Before the foot bath began he provided strawberries on stems with hot fudge dipping sauce, to eat while getting my feet scrubbed
5. THE CARD: A Rocky Balboa-themed Valentine’s Day card – see picture and video
6. Poem
7. Really cool sparkly-glitter light for the little guy (tried to keep him in his room and go to bed with it, had the opposite effect)
8. Love Potion: while soaking my feet in hot water, bath salts & rose petals he made a love potion. One part “rain water from our first kiss” it was raining that night, One white petal for falling in love with me, One red petal for our first valentines day together. All in a little bottle that has a special red satin bag to keep it in. Woah.
9. After foot soak the foot massage starts.
10. Blindfold
11. Bliss – but I am not getting into the details…..but it was ridiculous

Monday, February 12, 2007

First Annual Valentine's Day Competition

So. My hot italian scorpio has turned into my boyfriend. Not sure how this all happened, aside from falling under his seductive spell, I can only imagine that "someone" (fairy godmother?) arranged this. In a quite unusual fashion I absorb all of the attention he gives rather than eschewing it and walking down the street with my hands stuffed firmly in my pockets. I let him hold my hand with both of his own hands all pressed up against his chest as we walk IN PUBLIC. woah! Actually, he just grabbed my hand - I didnt have much say in the matter unless I wanted to yank it away and cause a scene, which I have done so it's all possible. I have never been good with PDA and have often viewed affectionate men as weak. Let's just say I have learned in my more mature days...and now I love it. I giggle and look forward to it.

So far he has surprised me with flowers part of a scavenger hunt around my apartment with numerous cards, gelato (of course!) for dessert, etc. I'm smitten and happy and actually spending time with a man who is not emotionally retarded.

For Wednesday I have turned Valentine's Day into a competition. Doth this surprise thee? Our friends will vote on who came up with the best overall effort as I will document it with pictures and such. No kidding, if it's a competition I am there. Big time. Bring it! So I plan to *try* to beat him but I am going up against a former massage therapist who was born to win these types of challenges. A line from his match profile read "I'm Italian, I'll make you lasagna then makeout with you on the countertop" - hence why I went out with him. Can you blame me? What's really ironic is he and I emailed each other 2 years ago via match. We went back and forth and he sent me a stupid joke to which I never responded. That was it. I figured it all out based on one picture he had on his profile - I remembered it and then asked him about it. Turns out I was right. Something about that I find amusing.

I told him what I went through recently, and he lovingly hugged me. I told him the whole story. That alone was scary but that kind of openness and honestly has only been paying me back in spades.

Stay tuned for the photo montage of the competition.....

Wednesday, January 24, 2007 Part Deux

Here is a medley of emails I have received, identities of course protected, for you all to read and enjoy. I am amused by some - horrified by others. Overall I enjoy these emails and I thought it might help some of the guys out there to see what kind of emails get a response and which ones dont.

so here goes!

From a friend who wrongfully assumed my meeting a firefighter in a bar meant that I slept with him:

"should have you charged !...with contributing to the delinquency and emotional immaturity (and ths perpetuating the whole gawd damn hero mentality)of an intellectal and maturity minor !!!!!!!! :(a FIREMAN!!! how could you Di ? :(no mater the fact that WE know you've used HIM, he willthink...and in short time gladly pass on to his testosterone-fueled bretheren, that he 'scored' with you:(Oh, the horror !you've CRUSHED me :(:(:(........................ (tears)couldn' t you have perhaps, found an eager Paramedic or computer geek that would so much more have appreciated a few divine moments with a goddess?\i'm a broken man...... oh, and it's not 'over' as ofyet....just finished having to 'babysit' her/daughter, after a particualry awful (and icky) bought of the stomach flu...oh, how i LOVE the power ofGUILT my deear Diane !!!!!!in case i miss you..have a FANTASTIC NEW YEARS EVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...and no more hoseheads!

Dont know this guy at all:
"Hello There!!!are you from the UK?

In response to my comment about loving a man with tools:
"something witty...Back roads... yes I agree. I have a feeling that you've read Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance. As far as tools go... I can fix anything... wha'cha got, let me at it... lol...Just wanted to say hello... happy New Year"

"hey, will you email me?? I am interested in you! Your profile is so cool. Actually my brother is living in Boston for now. I am conservative politically, but your liberal views don't scare me away, actually it may be a breath of fresh air. My picture is going to be on anytime so i promise I am normal and not some wierd guy who does not want to post a pic or anything. I hope you write back, and I am a builder, not a carpenter; however, I do have some tools!! ha ha"

General Emails received:
"Where do I sign? much to say...must impress you....what exactly is a wicked pisser? Ok, you are stunning--just had to get that out first. I really like you from the little you have shared (with the world).How about this...I am tongue tied because I am enjoying reading about you so much, laughing that you'd go to dinner without makeup (you don't need any!).How old is your son? It's funny that I find myself increasingly attracted to single mothers. I've known for a long time that making babies of my own is not a priority (6.5 billion little miracles are enough), but I irresistably love children and nurturing and so maybe it will work out that I get together with a goddess that has already brought forth a couple precious new souls, and then I give all the help I can.Lets go exploring sometime. Have you ever been to the quarry in Bankhead? There are eagles...or at least hawks. Sweetwater Creek is brilliant as well.Forgive my rushing ahead: I love you. Happy New Year! I wish you the best of life, love and luck for 2007.Oh, here's a humor compatibility test: How many gerbils does it take to screw in a light bulb?Peace,"

"I'm willing.....
to get that leg lengthening operation (or stuff card board in my shoes) to make height......or maybe I just need more cow bell."

"Hi Celtic Girl........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi.....I'm politically conservative and socially liberal, but, we would do OK, because, I really do appreciate everyone's opinion...Is'nt that what makes the USA GREAT !....,I'm not afraid to go out without makeup either !.....I like traveling, but dont enjoy doing it for business anymore (Security lines are too long)and outside, not in the ATL in the summer.......And, your dog would love me,they always do.....Do'nt ever trust anybody that your dog does'nt (seriously)...I'm going bck to bed, it's only like 6:40AM....Bye..."

"hello angel
Hello dear, How are you ? i will say you are really pretty, you are like an angel. I am really amazed. I am Godfrey, am 42yrs old,i work with an advertising company.I am currently a single. i would really love to say much about me,but when i am being asked. Dear, i want to know you much more better, maybe to get to reach GOD more easily. knowing an angel is like knowing the personal asistant of GOD. Please endeavour to send me a reply,you can add me to your yahoo IM my id is (xxxgodfrey4love) while my email address is i will love to chat with you on yahoo chat so we can get to know more about our self, I will be greatly honoured by it. I wait with curiousity to hear from you. Till then. Have a loving day. and may your best of yesterday,be your worst today.i strongly belive that Love is the shortest distance between hearts,when the heartbeat for each other.when we open our heart to one another.we can feel the emotions.and Distance does not matter if two hearts are loyal to one another.i know that Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle; rather a great reminder of just how strong true love can be.stay cool.Godfrey

Monday, January 15, 2007

I am not a player....sort of

Not a Player, But You Dabble In the Game.

Sometimes a girl just wants to have fun- and when it's fun you're after, you get it.
But when you want a relationship, you seem to score that as well.
What you want changes from day to day? and from guy to guy.
Luckily, you've got the skills to get whatever you want - and pass the leftovers on to your friends.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Thirsty Scholar Pub

I used to live above this pub in Somerville Massachusetts. It was like a sitcom, seriously. My best friends lived in the apartment above me, and I lived with a hilarious Cuban copywriter and we all pretty much spent most of our evenings in this pub. Very London-esque of me. Parties such as "Easter Eggs & Margaritas" were hosted upstairs and the group of tramps formerly known as the All Girls Kazoo Band would reconvene the next morning for brunch at this pub. This was to make sure we were all alive and to get the dirt on the poor young man someone had "deflowered".

I lived there during the 2002 world cup - and let me tell ya, that was the place to be! at 7Am I could hear folks cheering and screaming through my floor. Excellent. Now that is the apartment to have! Often times we would wander down the street and buy a large cheese pizza for $5 bucks at Dial-a-Pizza, eat half of it and then sell the other pieces to drunks stumbling out of the bar for $2 bucks. In the end, we'd get paid to eat our own pizza if you do the math.

I love that place. Go eat there if you are in Somerville, it's fantastic.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Man/Men Update

Hey now! I have two irons in the fire (interesting visual comes to mind as I type this) currently. If I had to write down everything I am looking for in man, this guy would be it - but he's older, like 14 years older. But I am being open-minded and trying not to rule out men for no real reason. We had a very nice date last week, where I even asked for advice on dealing with my sons tempertantrums. He flat out wouldnt offer any advice unless I directly asked him for it - KUDOS for that one. And continued to point out how I was rewarding him for acting poorly. My attempt to give him a train, cookie, kiss, movie was encouraging his behavior. He's not dumb. I dont get to charm him as he sees right through it - and even explained how much he enjoyed talking with me once I was no longer "on". The odd part is his complete unwillingness to share his "rock star" side, as I call it. Now he plays the guitar and sings, he even had gigs all over the city. But mum is the word. He explained that he is tired of women falling for that side of him and not getting to know him, as a person. Understandable - yet odd. Dont most men strive to find that one thing that lures the ladies in? Wouldnt most men dream of being able to shred a guitar and make women's nipples hard over it? I offered up the following analogy: "So that's the equivilant of me wearing sweatpants and no makeup to our first date cause I dont want you to just like me for my pretty face". He laughed. I still dont know much about the music thing. In the middle of our date, all 6'4 of him said "Oh I could so pick you up" I described being an amazon and feeling like I could carry most of the men I date out of the burning building. If that man does in fact pick me up, I will get a picture and post it - I havent been picked up in 20 years. Ever since I hit 5'9 that "dream" ended.

NExt up is my Italian Scorpio. Damn this man is hot. A former massage therapist (oh now that doesnt suck) with beautiful hands, from the Bronx. Booyah! He swears and says "fahgetaboutit" and doesnt realize the humor in doing so. We had a nice long date on Sunday, full of dating stories and erotic glances over candlelight. He's very spiritual and into art, classical music, astrology, energy, etc. BUT he could kick my ass and everyone elses ass due to the simple fact he's a highly trained MMA fighter. That means "Mixed Martial Arts" which also means "I have rock hard abs and can tie you in a pretzel while slapping you across the face" or "I can pin you down and do naughty things to you..." for those of us who think that way. ;)

Here's the "ball of hair" (go see Fever Pitch if you dont get that reference)...he could be my x's twin. Seriously, there is such a striking physical resemblance between the two it's uncanny. I am tempted to post pictures of them, but I think that's illegal.

So - I am seeing both this week. Not bad for dusting myself off and moving on I say.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Happy New Year: 2007's Gonna be a bitch!

That's right, I said that. Women are taking over and life will surely get better for us mere mortals in 07 as in the news today I discovered we will have our fist FEMALE house of representatives. Bring on the stem cell research! Enough of this useless war, time for ALL of us to get our heads on straight and move on from the political-egg-on-our-face syndrome of the past 6 years.

I am so excited about today's here to read it.

Here's my one New Years pic - taken at 11:56 on new years eve. Aside from looking like I am falling over - I think I look happy. That's good enough for me! Happy New Year! Aside from typical new year's resolutions I plan to make this one count. I typically accomplish my new years goals and havent truly decided on my goal for 07. It's some semblance of save money, date nice men, kick ass at work, take my son to see interesting things - but I want more than that. I want this year to be the year I really wow myself. So, with that said I should get crackin' on my Survivor application!