Friday, June 24, 2005

My house sucker-punches me

I have just spent the past 4 days or so with my darling son. He uses real words to talk to me now and even insists that I help him sweep the floor by dragging out both brooms and screaming if I stop sweeping. it's quite adorable. All day I was sorta looking forward to some time to myself this weekend as he is with his father, ya know catch up on errands, do some painting, etc. I pulled into my driveway - relieved to be home after herding cats all week, as I got out of my car I dove heart-first into reality. My son was not in the car, nor was he in the house or going to be for that matter. Genuine pain slithered it's way around my heart. I walked up to the mailbox and noticed the little baseball bat laying in the grass, where little man had left it this morning. I fought hard to keep a grip on my relaxed happy state, but my heart aches to the point of dispair when he is not with me. Shuffling my feet up the stairs of my deck I tried to find a way to describe this pain to you all. The only thing that comes to mind is the way you feel when you come home to your house after a pet has died. They dont run to great you, there is evidence of them everywhere and you miss their love for you. Multiply that by a gazillion and that's about how I feel.


Awwww....Boston you're my home

I JUST got home from work and ran smack into an email containing this link.

I am now insanely homesick. I miss the cobblestone streets, the summer concerts, the sail boats on the Charles, all the Italians, the Irish, the students. sniff. sniff. I miss *gasp* Mike's Pastries, I miss Foodmaster, I miss the peruvian band that performs all summer in Harvard Square, I miss WALKING around a city and the smell of candy coated roasted peanuts, I miss all the suits and happy hours, I miss all the construction workers with their igloo coolers for lunch boxes. I miss taking the T, I miss Fenway Park and the Patriots.

I moved to Atlanta so I could be married to my x-husband. We agreed to live in both cities and figure out where we wanted to go from there. We never ever left Atlanta. In part because I discovered I was pregnant and couldnt stop vomiting. But MAN DID I GET THE SHIT END OF THE STICK OR WHAT?!!!! I am now stuck here in Atlanta. By stuck I mean I have to go to court and fight a custody battle to have any chance of taking my son back east with me. That's only if the courts think that's a good idea for him. They first evaluate the life I will be taking him from - which consists of a big family (my x's family of course) and lots of cousins. He loves his grandma. To top it all off if the courts agreed to let me leave WITH my child I would then be the reason he was no longer visiting with his father. This would cause great resentment in him and he would then leave me when he is a teenager, in the middle of the night I am sure, to go live with his dad in georgia.
That sucks. So I am stuck in Atlanta.

wahhhhh haaaa haaa.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

To the loser who STOOD ME UP

Here comes a for real WHAT THE FUCK?? Yeah - you will read this I am certain as you check my blog out from time to time. I am so irritated with you, not because you STOOD ME UP but because you and I talked on the phone about all the LOSERS I have met off of fucking We joked about this. You assured me you were not one of them. You offered encouragement, you suggested getting together and even wrote to me to tell me you were looking forward to it. Well, congrats you have now skyrocketed yourself from "what a cool guy, cant wait to meet him" to the top of the fucking loser pile. Yep - NUMERO UNO spot is now yours. I have never been stood up before. EVER. YOU even called to tell me you overslept and were on your way!!! Dear god, why bother? Whomever you met the night before must have been in the shower when you called me so SHE probably had no idea what a busy guy you were SUPPOSED to be.

Did I scare you off when I told you about the bodybuilder lunatic I dated in Boston who shaved his legs?
(click here to see who I am talking about)

I mean you did mention that you had at one point been a power lifter.

So, Luke or "Freekat109" for doing this I am going to suggest some new screen names for you to use on


Good luck to you. If you see me, dont say Hi and expect me to be thrilled to see you. In fact, you should duck if you are that DUMB.


Friday, June 17, 2005

Trouble makers.
Beaver or????

The Beaver

On a recent trip to Washington DC I encountered a beaver. I was strolling along, enjoying Roosevelt Island and it all it has to offer when I noticed a beaver. I was in shock. I frantically wrestled my camera out of my purse and chased after it. It was swimming very fast and I had to jog somewhat along the bike path to catch the above picture. I then realized it was a big fat RAT.

I told a friend of mine about this, and in between fits of laughter he mentioned that Washington himself might have seen a beaver a couple hundred years ago AND did it not occur to me that I was in a major metropolitan area?? Ok. no. it did not.

I sent this picture to him and warned him "dont take a sip of coffee and read this email. snarfing coffee hurts."

he responded with "so does snarfing beaver".

2 points for that comeback! nice job!

Drug Dealers, Prostitutes and Apartments

First click here:

Now you understand what I am about to talk about. HOW FUNNY IS THIS??? The cajones on the guy who wrote these notes must be huge given the rif raf hanging out just outside his window.

Always here to provide you with entertainment!


Thursday, June 16, 2005

Write Back Soon!

Hey - I didnt know that I had checked the box forcing you to be a blogger member to post comments. I have now unchecked that box and you are all free to post all of your cruel, evil comments. Please do. Bring it on!
In particular I want to hear from Tara, Belinda, Nicksic, all my former co-workers in New England, Tom Brady, Jason-the-copywriter, Sebastian Bach and the All Girls Kazoo Band.

you can visit the kazoo band at

other sites you can visit if you are bored:

myers briggs personality test:

your favorite ADD friend,

My Online Experiences So Far....

Hmm, where to begin? So many men, so little time. In fact, so little time to write back to the slew of freaks who email me. I am shocked at the types of men who actually have online profiles. I love it when they demand that I respond "either way" and let them know if I am or am not interested in them. Let's think about this one. They dont even know me and they are ALREADY making demands. Off to a great start, I tell ya!

Here are some snippets of emails some of these men have sent me:

"um. I am am your baby!!! How are you?!!!" - this from a guy hugging minnie mouse.

"First. I guess I can forgive you for cheering the Pats and the Red Sox only because of their divisions." - I make it pretty freaken clear that I am a major Boston gal.

"oh, by the way, in the past 6 months I have adopted a more clean-shaven look!"

Oh Goodie! I cant wait to meet you then. Especially since you have shaved all your back hair off! I mean these comments are from emails written by men who I have never met - AND this is the first time they have written to me. I tried to dig up some of the religious ones for all ya'll to read but I must have deleted them suddenly. Lately I was bamboozeled. This handsome man and I emailed back and forth - banter banter banter. So I decided to call him. This was BIG. After all I had stopped the online dating for almost 3 months after some dude professed his love for me (see previous post). Ok back to the story -so I call this guy - we chat about his employment at Emory University, our personality types (I am an ENFP) and I just had to go "there". Yes, I made a flip comment about good ol' "W". I did so feeling quite confident that someone who works at EMORY and professed his liberal ways to me couldnt have possibly voted for the guy. I WAS SO WRONG. He got all fired up and even challenged me on my liberalness. He even mocked me when I said "I am so sorry. I just cant date someone who voted for such an idiot." Poor guy. He has so much going for him!

I am a complete liar. I dated a nice man a month ago. Very handsome, in his 40's and yet another professor. He was divorced with 2 young boys and a sexy aversion to motorcycles and vintage t-shirts. First time I met him he was pulling into the parking lot of this bar - I noticed the vintage 60's truck he was driving first - then I realized it was my date! woo hoo! He looked great sitting in this old restored truck. Bright blue eyes, big smile and gorgeous curly dark brown hair. We had a great date. Being a father himself, he felt rather comfortable asking about my breastfeeding experiences. My what?! Yes he asked me about my BREASTFEEDING experiences. Now, I rolled with it - but breastfeeding is THE LEAST SEXY thing you can possibly talk about on a first date. Anyway - I quickly derailed our conversation into the gutter (per usual) and managed to get him to talk about his sex life. He admitted that he had lost his virginity at age 25 to his x-wife. Now, my hamster brain quickly calculated that he has only been divorced a year so that equals ONE sexual partner in his life total. TOTAL. My enthusiasm quickly checked out after that.

I was just informed of a new reality show coming out the follows a bunch of broads and their online dating experiences. I highly recommend tuning into this.

over and out yo!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Southern Thank Yous.

Why do you fucking southern belles not now how to say "You're welcome" when I thank you for your fake kindness?? Do you have any idea how fucking irritating it is to hear "mmmm hmmmm" back???? what are you agreeing too exactly? I say "Thank you so much" and you say "mmmm hmmmm". What the fuck is that?!!! I'll tell you what I think it is. You are agreeing with me that I am so fortunate to have run into you. I say "thank you so much for holding the door" while I carry 15 bags, a toddler and an anvil, and you say "mmm hmmm" because you agree that it is indeed nice of you to hold the door for me. So I ask you, are you really holding the door for me or are you simply doing so out of your own guilt? If you dont want to hold the door THEN DONT.