Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Ice Cold Water

Ice cold water seems to help the ridiculous pain I feel in my face these days. It started a few weeks ago and I simply thought it was my jaw reacting to my intense grinding during sleep. This all proceeded to get worse to the point of popping 3 or 4 Advil at a time. I finally visited my dentist who took X-rays while telling funny jokes about teeth. He's a great guy, and all his little tests showed I had "beautiful teeth". Seems to be nothing wrong with them from his perspective. Nonetheless he scheduled me for a root canal as I was complaining of nerve-like pain. This just didn't add up to me. X-rays are fine, but I need a $2,000 root canal? So off to my MD I went. I described the brutal pain attack on the left side of my face the night before. It was unreal, I even categorize this kind of pain on the same level as child birth. It mainly feels like a dull ache near my ear and lower jaw. Then it gets worse and spreads into my teeth and neck, only on the left side. The killer part is the duration of the intensity. Much like a contraction it takes hold, making me cry and kick my feet, and holds on. There's nothing I can do. I have to wait for it to pass.

Anyway this pain happened the night before my doctor's appointment. He diagnosed me with Trigeminal Neuralgia. A rather rare condition that has me freaked out honestly. 40% of people my age get this cause they actually have MS. Hence my freaking out. I have cried my eyes out over this. I held it together as my doctor explained this nerve disease to me, letting me know that "they don't know what causes it" and " doesn't seem to be a cure". Fantastic I thought. Another disease has shown up in my body with no known cause and no cure and I am only 30! How infuriating. I sat in my car in the parking lot for a moment trying to pull my shit together. I called my boyfriend at work (who later brought me roses...yeah he's wonderful) and just hearing his voice I started to cry. I also called my best friend, same thing - her voice just sent me over the edge and I left a weepy, barely recognizable message on her voice mail. I cried behind my big sunglasses at CVS as they handed me the prescription. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself honestly. More than anything I was just scared. Not enough info does this to you. I'm afraid that this is just the beginning and that I wont be around for my son later. Very dramatic thoughts, but hey, no one would ever describe me as boring. There's no real test "they" can give you to diagnose this, it's mainly based on the patient's description. I am currently in a drug induced haze caused by the Carbamazapine and massive pain killers I am on. This plain flat sucks.

Two things help. Ice cold water and ice cream. That's it.

Well this helped my heart feel better: my little son said the sweetest thing to me this morning. I was loading him into his car seat to take him to day care and my face started to really bother me. I winced and he asked me if I was ok. I told him my face hurt but I would be ok soon. Out of his precious lips comes "we should put some cream on it."

I love being a mom.

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