Monday, July 18, 2005

Ode to Chemistry

The big ol dating variable comes down to my dear friend mother nature. She gets to determine if I want to rip a guys clothes off or fumble around trying to explain my issue with dating shorter men. I am not good at or used to having chemistry with someone I dont actually get to date. If it exists I go for it. If it doesnt I dont go for it. None of this "let's be friends" and supress our instinctual-urges-to-mate stuff. I am learning though. This might have something to do with the "loves a challenge" part of my brain and therefore I have even bigger issues than I previously thought. My checklist of things a guy must have (OH shut up you all of them!!!) is long and flexible and I was under the impression that I just hadnt met the right combo yet. According to other handsome male-friends of mine I seek out men who arent available, and men who dont compete with me on a career level - then I get bored with them for the same reason. Huh. I wonder. Actually, I disagree. I tend to go on chemistry instead of common sense and have yet to learn how to be attracted to someone where chemistry is null and void. I have tried though. I know a few just-about-perfect guys out there, and OF COURSE I had no interest what-so-ever in seeing them naked. Mother nature be damned! frustrating! Why cant I just re-wire my brain??

I digress. So I am approaching the friends-first, chemistry-second tactic with wide open arms. I dont know what I am doing, though so if you are in this category and reading this please grab me and kiss me so I know what the fuck to do next. When do I put the moves on hot sexy friends? Am I giving them the wrong signal and they think I really want to be "just friends". This is so southern-belle of me cause I prefer to pepper my conversation with lude sexual comments and am constantly shouting out nonsense from the gutter. This is usually ok with friends I dont want to screw. BUT with friends I do want to screw it gets all complicated. I am much more agressive in nature than this. I see something I want, I go get it. Nuff said.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

1 comment:

chicagogirl said...

Fuck the "friends first" shit. More often than not, people who advise that are usually the same ones who either don't like sex (geez, could there be people out there who don't like sex??), or who do like it - but are afraid to admit it 'cause they've been conditioned to think that admitting to liking it somehow confirms they personify society's definition of a slut, dog, whatever. My philosophy has always been to fuck 'em as soon as possible. If the sex is good, we may be able to have an ongoing relationship (assuming he brings some other stuff to the table, like an intellect, good work ethic and is overall a decent human being). But if he can't fuck, I don't want nothin' to do with him because we're not gonna be compatible. And I want to learn this quickly so, if need be, I can move on: I'm busy. I know what I want/like and I hate wasting time trying to find it.

Now, there IS another side to this approach: A lot of men don't know what to do with a woman who views sex the same way they do (which has always struck me as kinda odd, considering the priority that most men put on sex). Some of those men will assume that if you'll "give it up" so easily, then you're not the kind of woman they'd want to take home to mama. (I wonder what HER views are on sex - and what she's probably passed on to her son.) My xperience (and I've got a fair amount of it) has been that if he's the type of person who's quick to impose any type of label, then chances are he's a narrow-minded, stupid jerk (which are totally opposite of the qualities I value in all people, male or female) - and it's only a matter of time before he'll reveal his true colors. Just a couple of words on my credibility on this subject: I'm in my first and only marriage and have been for a VERY long time. The first man that proposed to me (and whose proposal I turned down), and my husband too, were both men I slept with very early on in the relationship. Neither one held any preconceived notions about my sexuality and wre able to see that I'm a basically good person who just happens to like to fuck a lot. Interestingly, their open-mindedness and kindness extended into other areas of their lives. Sure, I've encountered my fair share of jerks - including 2 or 3 who actually had the audacity to tell me to my face that I must be loose because I slept with them on the first or second date (of course, they told me this AFTER we'd had sex) but I could care less about what they thought of me because they weren't yet at the level on my radar screen where I cared about their opinions. So flydi, play it as you see it and, most importantly, be true to yourself - not to what others tell you what / how that self should be.