I ate a toy one night

A few years ago, as a 3-week old bride I ate a toy in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. No lie. My x-husband and I went to Virginia to visit his Uncle and family on our way down from Boston. We had packed up his explorer with all my stuff and drove there. His teenage cousin graciously offered us her room to sleep in while we stayed with them. I forgot all about this until today while I was shopping at a toy store and came across a clear plastic bin of the exact toy I ate. It all came flooding back.

Now, this is the first time I meet these people and I pull the weirdest stunt of my ever-lovin' life?????? *sigh* Enjoy the details!

Ok, so I was dreaming of a butler passing a tray of semi-circular dark chocolates by my face with a very serious sense of urgency. Eating one of these chocolates was a life or death situation for me, so I slipped my pointer finger under the chocolate and popped it into my mouth. During this dream I remember feeling my hand brush against the hardwood floor next to the bed I was sleeping in. I faintly remember putting something in my mouth and biting it, chewing it as it's brutally bitter taste flooded my tastebuds. In a daze I pulled a tissue from the box on the nightstand next to the bed and spit out what was left in my mouth. I folded up the tissue and put it on the floor by the bed and drifted off into a deeper sleep.

At some point I woke up due to the horrible taste in my mouth. I started to think about what I had done and couldn't really believe it myself even though I had all kinds of "textured" pieces in my mouth. The taste was so foul I was convinced I had picked up some cat shit and ate it. With this thought consuming my brain, I got up and slipped quietly into the bathroom and smiled into the mirror. Black specks covered my teeth. I brushed my teeth several times and began to wonder what was in the tissue on the floor by my side of the bed. I climbed back into bed and picked up the tissue and could feel that there was indeed something in the tissue. At this point it's about 7 am and I wake up my x-husband.

"Ah, honey I need to tell you something. I did something really weird."

which freaked him out!! man he was wide awake glaring at me as though I slipped out of bed in the middle of the night and slept with the farmer next door. unreal.

anyway, I recapped what I had done and then unfolded the tissue for us both to see just what it was I had tried to eat in the middle of the night. Colored wood, a head I suppose that had two little eyes painted on it lay mangled in my hand with all kinds of splinters and fragments. It was abundantly clear that I had picked up a little wooden toy turtle, the one with the bobbing heads, off of the floor and ate most of it.

Now, what I didn't know until two weeks later was that I was pregnant. Apparently you do weird things when you are pregnant. I haven't stopped doing weird things, but you have to admit that this is really strange!!