Monday, June 19, 2006

Shalom in the Home

I just caught 1/2 of an episode of the new show on TLC, Shalom in the Home. It's like a Jewish Dr. Phil who makes house calls. No really, it is. He coaches extremely disfunctional families via earpieces through their typical fights and button pushing. I heard an old saying "life is 10% experience and 90% of how you react to it". I used to live by this and have clearly forgotten all about it! I spend a good part of my day feeling frustrated with work, life, etc (don't we all?) and have recently started remembering little anecdotes like the one I mentioned above.

So what I want to know is - What producer is going to step up to reality show hamster-wheel of joint custody? I want to see them make that work! They wont even need to create drama out of nothing - there will be plenty of it regardless! Please pick me.

Today I picked up my son after the long, 4-day stretch he spends every other week at his dad's house. He ran to meet me, barefoot, hugging me with his head on my shoulder and saying "mommie I MISS you! I LOVE you!" oooof. a giant wrecking ball to the chest! My heart hurts so much on that last day of being apart from him, I simply cant wait to hug him. I cant concentrate at work, everything I say cloaks how I really feel. Often I feel lost, faking my way through the moments I have to spend with those who have no idea what I am going through. I am so jealous of parents who see their children every single day. I wonder what that is like! Yes I get a "break" but it's hard switching gears from my non-kid days to kid-filled days. Ever see someone just sitting, alone in their car? you cant tell if they are listening to the radio, talking on the phone or whatever - that's me. It's been over a year now and I am shocked at how little this heartache has subsided. When I am out and about on my non-kid days, I want to scream to no one in particular "Cant you see I miss my beautiful boy!?" Now, before I get pep-talk emails from this post - let me assure you I know some parents never see their children, some people dont have children, etc and I should be thankful ( I AM - BIG TIME) to even have the days I have with my little guy. It still doesnt make me feel better.

keep on keepin' on!

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