Monday, December 18, 2006

Ringtones and the healing process

One of the first things one should do when going through a breakup is remove the stupidly-sweet ringtone you assigned to "schmoupy". I just did this. I removed "burning love" by Elvis and replaced it with "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar. Does wonders for me!! So theraputic!

And, on a very crazy note I have someone's wife emailing me. Dont even know her, or HIM. She has hacked into her husbands myspace account (god only knows why) and is so insane that she not only read my blog, she wrote me a three page email about how good and horrible her marriage is. I removed names but highlighted some of the horrendus parts for you all to read, as the women is very confused. This man doesnt know that she is doing this (or maybe he does?) - because I forwarded her crazy email to him and he obviously didnt see it cause pyscho woman deleted it before he could read it. I DESPISE this kind of web-based bullshit. Listen up you fucking self-absorbed people, leave me out of your craziness, I have my own issues to deal with! I have zero interest in your husband and zero interest in reading about another pathetic female clinging to a man for dear life. Liposuction?? come on! See below for the transcript, sorry it's a long one:

"Hi :
I know that this is going to be a really weird e-mail but I wanted to reach out to you because you have been communicating with my husband about joint custody. I know it is very wrong of me to pry into my husband's e-mail and I usually don't operate on that principle but I have been extremely insecure about myspace and his virtual life. I guess I want you to know the other side of our story before you give him more advice. T and I have been married six years and like all marriages we have had good times and bad. I love my husband deeply and feel very blessed that he married me. T is a wonderful man - he reaches out to people in need, is very intelligent, a great athlete and a wonderful father. He just happened to marry someone who is very needy and that is tough for him and for me. Outside of our marriage I am a confident, successful, very well-liked individual but within my marriage I seem to become a needy little girl who needs her husband to proud of her and gives her affirmation that she is doing everything right. Kind of pitiful, I know. My marriage is sacred to me and the most important commitment I have made to T, myself and God. I don't want to get a divorce as we really have no basis for one except that we have both been self absorbed and did not cherish our marriage the way that we should. I know I am not the perfect wife, I am not that smart or pretty, I have to work hard at keeping my weight off of me, I am not the CEO of a company or really anything remarkable, but I am a really nice, loyal person who tries to live life without hurting others. I am also very thoughtful to T, he does not have to do a thing around the house I work full-time and do all the housework, outside work, cooking, laundry, errands, shopping and the majority of childcare like feeding, bathing, dressing, brushing hair,etc.. I am not complaining I am happy to make a nice home for my family and allow my husband the time he needs to train for triathlons. T sleeps until at least 9:00 every morning and then never has to deal with the morning stress of trying to get our daughter off to school. I register him for all of his races and then make all the arrangements for us to go as a family so that we can be there to support him and cheer him on. I order his wetsuits and help him with his gear. On top of it all I take care of making sure all the household bills are paid. T has it really easy - he works and trains. Our friends are always saying how lucky he is to have a wife who does so much for him and is always there to support him in whatever he does. I think that T is seeking for perfection and that world just doesn't exsist. I believe God put us in a marriage to grow from each others imperfections and that together we grow into the perfection that God intends us to become through love. T wants me to have a perfect figure, which I don't - I am 5'3 and wear a size 8 which is pretty fat I know. (but I am getting liposuction to look better for him) He wants me to be a triathlete which frankly, I don't have the time or the skill to do that - between working and taking care of T and our daughter I only have time to get to the gym about an hour a day. I want to be perfect for my husband but gosh I just don't seem to be able to be all things. Anyway we got to this bad place in our marriage because I wanted T to appreciate me and thank me for the things I do for him and the more I asked him to do that the angrier he became. (it's that needy thing) and we have been seeing a counselor who has been working with us on trying to make our marriage better. The comment that T said the counselor made about us not staying married was taken out of context. The counselor does want us to stay married but she also wants us to work on communicating better and being kind and loving to each other. So that is the other side of the marriage - I know you told T he should get out but there is always more to a story than the one side as I am sure you know from your own marriage. Again, I love and cherish my husband and I am working hard on trying to be the wife he wants and deserves. So if you are going to give him advice, please keep in mind that it will have an effect on me and our daughter as well. If you feel you that you need to share this with T then I should let you know that he will be very angry with me but it won't be the first time. I just wanted to you to know because he has reached out to you for advice and I think you should have as much information as you can before you dispense advice. (at least that is what I try to do for people who seek it from me) On a final note - I love Atlanta, my brother and sister both live there and they are just wonderful people. My sister pratices medicine and my brother is a software engineer. They both live in Atlanta itself - near Highlands. My mama is probably going to move there as well once she retires in a year. Great city!!! Thanks for reading this and I do hope that you don't share it with T because of the rift it will cause but if you do then I understand as this was a risk I took in reaching out to you as a woman who is trying to hold on to her family. Take care D
PS - I am writing from my girlfriend's site as I don't have one of my own."


Paul R. said...

I have a hard time believing you can be this dense. You write about extremely personal matters on your blog and then flip-out when others return in-kind? You’re either extremely obtuse or incredibly narcissistic.

Here’s a tip: If you don’t want crazy wives e-mailing you, leave their husbands alone! You have absolutely no business talking with married men about issues that should only be discussed with their wives and family. Sorry to say, but the woman who wrote this e-mail is not confused or self-absorbed – you and her husband are.

Ever stop to wonder why you have so many “issues to deal with”?

Anonymous said...

Paul, would you want to be married to someone who hacked into your email, deleted messages, emailed strangers pretending to be someone else and was so insecure they wanted to get liposuction?
doubtful, but then again you completely missed the point of the blog post.
Let's get one thing clear here you asshole, her husband contacted ME. Not the other way around. "no business" my ass - this is not 1950.
And if you dont like me, why are you reading my blog??

raqnroll said...

You have a mean spirit to put another woman's sad plght on your blog when you make such pitiful cries about your own life woes. It's dangerous to cast such meaness out into the universe as it will come back to you in many ways.

Paul R. said...

Flydi - Your point (minus the needless vulgarities) is well taken. It’s clear, based on her letter to you, the Mrs. has an unhealthy image of herself and her relationship with her husband needs work. I also concede that this is your blog, it’s about you and you’re free to write about whatever you feel like. My “narcissistic” line was off-base.

However, I still hold to my spirit of my original post: Your actions (even online) have consequences that should not be so easily dismissed. This is not about some 1950s imaginary “ideal” (that’s your hang-up, not mine). If a married man is seeking out some random blogger for advice outside of his marriage, that’s a problem. And one you probably want no part of.

If Mr. Husband writes to you about a matter that should be discussed with his wife, the best advice you can give is to tell him to leave you alone and talk it over with his wife. If it’s anything else, don’t whine when Mrs. Crazy Wife e-mails you.

Anonymous said...

Husband here ready to chime in. My mom always told me not to serve as a warning to others. Well I guess it's to late for that. It seems that people just don't have enough drama in their lives. Here's the scoop for everyone. I read this blog and it was very well written and had a point I wanted to inquire about further. I contacted Di and she graciously answered my question. Now for those of you who watch too much t.v. or movies I suppose you could overdramatize this into something more. Knock yourself out I guess if it makes your day more interesting. However anyone who thinks that if a couple of people converse on a blog or message, live in different states, are both dealing with relationship issues are going to hook up somehow must have fallen from the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. If I wanted to be the kind of weak willed husband who cheated to make his life better I certainly wouldn't try picking people up on the internet. I would do it with a real person that I knew! Speaking of obtuse paul wrote that I should discuss these things with my wife. You have read her email and I am not going to go through it and point out what is fiction and what is reality but the reaction from a simple question I asked someone resulted in that. And Paul thanks for your concern and vitriol. It reminds me of the so many republicans whe can't stand gay's and then get caught poking the poolboy. On a final note I appologize Di for this whole thing again and I hope that it at least provides a diversion. Kind of like being in a funeral procession and driving by a train wreck. At least it takes your mind of your problems if only momentarily!


Paul R. said...

Thanks for the clarification Todd. Flydi didn’t make the nature of what your initial inquiry was about in her original post – she was too busy bashing your wife.

I’m not trying to throw vitriol your way, all I’m pointing out is that actions have consequences. If you can’t see that – that’s fine. Keep making stupid decisions, keep paying the consequences. Keep on blaming others, and keep on living your miserable lives.

The fact that you’d rather trade insults with me and defend a blogger you’ve never met over your own wife tells me all I need to know about you.

Anonymous said...

I know Diane and I am happy to let you all know that she is incredibly narcissistic and completely self-absorbed. Always has been, always will be. She portrays herself as this wonder woman, when she is just as insecure and needy as everyone else. She thinks every man falls in love with her, and has cheated on every guy she's been with. She had a boyfriend when she eloped with her husband (who she knew for a month), then came home and broke up with her boyfriend. She is obnoxious and thinks that she is the best thing since sliced bread. If her employers only knew that she lies about her education on her wonder she spells so many words incorrectly in her blog posts.

Anonymous said...
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