Thursday, December 14, 2006

All I want for Christmas is a broken heart???

What kind of crap is that? I dont recall putting that on my list. At times I feel as though I might keel over and die from the heartached I am currently going through. It occurred to me earlier this week that my elvis-loving-suddenly-reclusive boyfriend was "holding on" through the holidays. So I ended it, OVER THE PHONE. Awful, I know but when the words poured out of my mouth, my alter-protective-ego took over. I shocked myself. I just simply couldn't wait for Mr. Wonderful to figure out if I was "the one" anymore. Who does that? Ok, I'll just sit over here unloved while you figure out if you are gonna dump me. No thanks. Oddly enough, I hadnt even put any pressure on him about it - apparently he has a sense of urgency about determining his future. My status of single mom with joint custody became a tough pill for him to swallow - further breaking my heart - as my ability to uproot and move anywhere is somewhat limited. However, all of these things are not deal breakers when you are in love with someone. So I digested this over the weekend and realized that I was now staring in this very scene from Jerry McGuire:

"I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a

lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built."

If only my script ended as Dorothy's did in Jerry McGuire. Something is missing for him. But I feel like I have lost so much more.......

Considering the holidays are coming up I would say I am doing better than I would have expected. I attended my Christmas Party alone, where they promptly displayed GIGANTIC photos of him and I from Halloween prompting folks to ask where he was. These photos rotated above my head on a white tarp all fucking night. Wonderful. His name was printed on a name tag when you walked in, I snatched it up, crinkled it in my hand and threw it out - all in 2 seconds. I have to hand over my phone to a friend so I wont call him. I have to remember that HE needs to pull the Say Anything move out of his ass, not me.

I cant believe we were 3 weeks shy of a year together. I cant believe I am writing this blog post.


Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about this. You were so happy. Hang in there kid. Wallace has a great Mom!

Anonymous said...

If memory serves, you've cheated on just about every man you've been involved with. I'm personally thrilled to hear about this.

Anonymous said...

Yes, she has cheated on every man she's dated and slept around A LOT, she had a fiancee and cheated on him, then was pissed when he found out about it and kicked her out of his house. She felt he violated her by hacking into her email account. HELLO, you were fucking other men!!!

She has no conscience and she is getting what she deserves.