"Goodbye to You"

Patty Smyth of Scandal recorded the best damn breakup song ever, titled "Goodbye to You". I have been listening to it for years and have recently resurected it's fantastic-ness (for obvious reasons). Mr. Asswipe has now confirmed what I suspected, he intended to end things after Christmas, that he doesnt love me in the same way he used to ..."those feelings are just gone" and that he has felt this way since end of October or so. He can offer no explanation and adamantly denies meeting someone else....I am not convinced. But he really wants me in his life, to be friends cause he loves me so much and I am fun. I believe his exact words were "you're my best friend".... How selfish can one be??

There is so much more to this than I can share to the world wide web, but my life is a disaster right now. Sorry readers - without going into detail - imagine the worst breakup ever, and multiply it. My loss is so massive I cant even get my brain around it. It's as though I am an actor in a movie, one you just route for over and over who keeps getting some shit deal. I seriously may write a book. This is just beyond comprehension to me. My heart has never been broken like this, and I am truly sad. I fumbled through Christmas shopping tonight, trying to keep moving and passing time pausing at self-help books and Elvis box sets. My son asked about him many times this weekend and the fury that burns inside of me over that is like nothing I have ever experienced. I could end up on Jerry Springer if I let it consume me.

Now, I have fantastic friends who keep calling me, coming over, offering food, etc. This makes me feel so loved and reminds me that a boyfriend should make you feel the same way. My son strokes my cheek and calls me sweetheart while singing some rendition of Jingle Bells and Fly Me to the Moon. I am so lucky.