Saturday, October 13, 2007

I wanted a boob job, instead I got a furnace....

What part of "boob job" rhymes with "furnace"? None of it, it simply doesnt. One poor soul had to give up her dream of big bouncy new breasts because her furnace died. I DIED when these words fell from her lips into her Pabst Blue Ribbon. See what happens to us independent broads? We own houses, have fancy jobs, make our own money - plan to PAY FOR OWN BOOB JOBS, but along comes the "Mrs. Fix It Fairy" and says "No boobs for you!" a new furnace will do. I personally miss my perky 34C's - they were sexy, I didn't always fit in button down shirts. Now thanks to a child and hundreds of laps in a pool I can fit in button down shirts just fine - along with my push-up bra. It's depressing. Those luscious fake, full breasts tantalize us women as much as they fool men. Curses you society! How dare ye put thine superficial paws on me! Swimming has mainly detracted from my former bustline, while adding to my endurance, confidence and sanity - but who cares? Firm shoulders aren't the same as firm breasts. Giving birth took me out of the "firm, perky" league and dropped me off 'round da cahna next to the training bras. What the hell is that about? See we all agreed that "going up one cup size" would be fine. "Oh I don't want big Pam Anderson titties" one declares... I just want to be a little bigger. I just want to rid myself of this recent delusion that bigger breasts are the way to go.

Independence be damned!

1 comment:

Jeri said...

Wow, I'm a dragon too!! And I haven't read your blog in a long time but that's too funny you 'd post our conversation from 6FU Friday night!

...and here come the shitzu's!!