Jesus. JESUS! I could scream I am so frustrated. Why do you men cease to HEAR my words and continue to draw conclusions off of the societal bullshit that surrounds single mothers?? I don't live in a trailer park, I am not living off of welfare or the random twenties my baby-daddy gives me fo diapers ya know. I don't need you. Let me refresh your memory on grizzly bears. If you happen to come across a female grizzly bear with cubs the odds that you might die in the next 1/2 hour are pretty high. Now, take that same instinctual protectiveness and apply it to me. What makes you think I wouldn't protect my son and be sure to only put him in front of a man who loves his mother, would never hurt him and would only make his life better by being in it? This is not something you learn after 3 dates dude. This is more like a couple years of time together.
(click here to see Grizzlies attack)
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My dating life is plagued with an underground riptide of fear. You men think I want a serious relationship with you. That my tentacles will wrap around you and drag you into the abyss of obligation and guilt - NEVER TO RETURN. You have come right out and told me this yourselves. THANK YOU for the honesty.
1. You don't know me well enough to assume I want a serious relationship because I have "my son and all"
2. You aren't THAT great a guy to introduce to my amazing, happy child as someone he can get attached to. So get over yourself.
3. How much time do you think I have here?? Enough to actually BE in a serious relationship?
You guys should be more worried about getting along with ME, and if I am into you. Instead you hear "single mom" and start worrying about my clingyness and start imagining riding around in a mini van going to soccer practice or some shit. I don't even want to do that! I want to be seduced during my time-off from mommy duty, I want to escape the sadness of time without my son and forget about the bazillion things I have to take care of before my next business trip. An example would be a relaxing dinner and good conversation. There's a start! Oh yeah, and don't ask me about breastfeeding (see archives) during dinner.
In summary I am not a intentional commitmentphobe. Quite simply I would love to fall in love with someone who doesn't assume doing so would be a burden to him.
single motherhood
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Everything you write about the timeliness of the introduction of a lover to your son couldn't be more on the money. There is nothing more tramatic to the development of a child than to commit the presense of a man, who's not his father, to your son's life only to have him leave. It's good that your cautious and protective of him, but you must not condemn nor be frightened by a man that may truely honor you and God forbid fall in love with the REAL you and NOT just how long your blond hair is.
There are not many good men. I'm a man and I look at other guys around me and say, " how can you really be like you are and say the things you say and be okay with yourself at the end of the day". Some of the good ones may have gotten burned before, much like yourself from the sound of things. Some believe in true love and are waiting for it to take them over. I guess my only real advice, not like your looking for it necessarily, is to love your son and care for yourself, but don't neglect a good heart of someone that could potentially render you loose in his arms and helpless to his kiss. It might be better than just dinner...true love I mean ;)
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