Friday, June 24, 2005

My house sucker-punches me

I have just spent the past 4 days or so with my darling son. He uses real words to talk to me now and even insists that I help him sweep the floor by dragging out both brooms and screaming if I stop sweeping. it's quite adorable. All day I was sorta looking forward to some time to myself this weekend as he is with his father, ya know catch up on errands, do some painting, etc. I pulled into my driveway - relieved to be home after herding cats all week, as I got out of my car I dove heart-first into reality. My son was not in the car, nor was he in the house or going to be for that matter. Genuine pain slithered it's way around my heart. I walked up to the mailbox and noticed the little baseball bat laying in the grass, where little man had left it this morning. I fought hard to keep a grip on my relaxed happy state, but my heart aches to the point of dispair when he is not with me. Shuffling my feet up the stairs of my deck I tried to find a way to describe this pain to you all. The only thing that comes to mind is the way you feel when you come home to your house after a pet has died. They dont run to great you, there is evidence of them everywhere and you miss their love for you. Multiply that by a gazillion and that's about how I feel.


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